I'm a fairly new peruser of RFM, got to admit I'm getting pretty addicted to checking this board regularly. Doing so it seems like I am fairly lucky in that my wife (who was also BIC TBM) was willing to listen as I found out the nasty underbelly of all things MORG. It wasn't easy to expose her to those things however, and I feared my marriage would be destroyed because of it. She had all the expectations any good mormon girl did being temple married and all. But in the end we made it work. So this thread is for those who have significant others in their lives and for idea tips and suggestions on how to approach this tough issue of one in belief and one in recovery

What works for individuals in one specific situation might not work for others.

So often on RfM I see advice that's meant to suit everyone but doesn't. I think it's important to individualize to suit the people you love and their needs as well as your own.

By the way what did work for you?

In general,

lots and lots of willingness to talk about each others feelings, not discounting them whatever they may be, recognizing the fact that every person is entitled to feel the way they do first then working from that point.


specifically on church stuff I realized early on that doing what the church says to do becomes a source of self confidence to many females. I made sure she understood that believer or not she was important to me and that 'worthiness' as defined by church leaders meant nothing. That gave her a reason for self confidence that had nothing to do with the MORG.

As she realized what she had been told made her valuable was an opinion of others, she was able to decide for herself who's opinions mattered to her.

once she was able to drop the Gs and experience a rush of self confidence that made a huge difference for her. I realized how the church made her feel was far more important than the logic of it all historically, etc. (things which meant alot to me) I had to realize what mattered to her and explore that.

It helped a lot that she was able to get other sources of social interaction too. Going back to work, joining a gym, things that gave her a far better reason for confidence than church did were big helps to allow her the perception to question what she had been taught all her life.

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