This fat hippy guy named Karl was fed up with the pre-noon door knocking of JVs. So he got up early and sat on the couch wearing nothing but his tighty whities and clutching a rubber chicken.
When the god goons rattled at his screen, he put the neck of the rubber chicken in his mouth and answered the door, near naked and growling. The Jehovahs, witless, ran off.
Having been in missionary shoes myself, I would let them in, offer them something to drink, and give them a break from knocking on doors for as long as I had the time. Missionaries are victims of cultural upbringing and social pressure. No sane 18 or 19 year old would volunteer to go door to door for 2 years to sell something that nobody wants.
I pity missionaries and don't want to give them a bad time. They're in the throes of cult indoctrination. They're victims. Abusing them will have no affect on the real villains.
I humor the missionaries, and I am usually nice to them if they don't get arrogant/pushy. I'm not supportive of what they do, but it's more of a "It's a big world out there, so hey, whatever floats your boat."
The Ward members and leaders.... that's a different story. Especially the drop-ins. They need to answer for what they're doing. Odd.... it's been a while since anybody came by.
Invited them in, offered them hot cocoa if the weather was cold, or a cool soda or lemonade if the weather was hot. And then I would tell them that I was an apostate - no real talk about religion, just that the church didn't work for me, so I left.
Then I would segue right along into asking them where they were from, what they planned to do after their mission, you know - stuff related to REAL life.
Funny, not a one has rung my doorbell in at least three years, though I have seen them on my street. I guess the Big Guys can't handle the idea of impressionable mishies running into a NICE apostate, so they may have told them to leave our house alone.
100% But it's different with bishop, home teachers.When they knock on the door I ask them if they had made an appointment. If not I tell them I will call them again later, but sorry not at the moment. I'm playing a computer game that I don’t wanna interrupt. Very important stuff.
And sorry, I realy got the nerve to do that.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2012 09:25PM by buddyjoe.
I think the best thing to do is serve up a nice bowl of cog dis. I've been toying with the idea of feeding the missionaries. Our ward is responsible for feeding two sets. We will tell them right off the bat that we don't want a spiritual message, that we don't believe in the church, but we want to give them a nice meal. We could think of some carefully crafted bombs to drop, while telling them our story, how we used to be Mormon last summer.
Same way I answered the JWs a while back in my front yard.
I asked the elderly JW man about his church's stance on gay people? Before he had a chance to compose a response, I forged ahead with, "I think the true test whether a church is Christian is how it treats gay people."
And I truly believe that. The Jesus I read about would preach love and acceptance, not judgment and stigmatization.
There's quite a bit in the bible you have to actively ignore in order to come to your conclusion. The JW would win that debate hands down.
There are plenty of verses condemning homosexuality. There's not one single verse that says be nice to gay people and, oh yeah, let them get married if they want. All-knowing jesus was silent on the matter.
This would depend on if you believe that being a Christian means following Jesus' words or the Bible. If it means following Jesus' words then I'd say his silence on the issue is a green light for equality. He can't have though it was a big deal if he isn't recording preaching on it. So I think that's a great way to judge a church. Are they following what Christ had to say about things or what the Bible has to say.
Actually I was pretty good friends with all the sets of missionaries in our area. Mainly because at the time I was the ward mission leader and interacted with them often. I'm kind of a jokester anyway, and they knew that also. Iv'e answered the door in my garms, in a towel and even with a tight shirt stuffed with balloon boobs while wearing a chicken mask. The mishes would just laugh their asses off. They are so emotionally oppressed and controlled I always felt they needed some comedy in their depressed situation.
eta--took it down. My bf and I were sitting here laughing doing that. It was going to be even worse. I figured I'd rather not have that up here in perpetuity.
I can't even blame alcohol for it.
Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2013 02:52AM by ducky333.
my ex answered the door to some home teachers once by screaming "WE'RE PAGAN!!!!!!!" He just screamed it like a crazy person and then slammed the door in their faces. They never came over again (at that house anyway, when i moved they of course showed up again)
Or special "tea" which doesn't come under the WoW. Describe it as "special" and so forth and they will probably drink it. Try ginseng tea or some other herbal tea first. Then some real tea with perhaps orange or mint flavoring - after all it is all "herbal". As for coffee, mix in a little bit of chocolate and make them think it is postum or something. The tea is easier. After a few visits let them know. In the meantime, just ask questions of them about the BoA and DNA. Don't hammer them. Just be quizzical, as if you don't quite understand yourself. Also ask about their families. Ask if all are TBM. If someone isn't ask why. Planting the herbal seeds is a start.
The above is more effective than any prank.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2013 12:15PM by rhgc.
I haven't had any missionaries come to the house since we resigned about 15 years ago. But someone on rfm suggested some time ago what I think/hope I'll do when it happens next.
Be courteous and kind to them, perhaps offer them something to drink or some food. Tell them that I'm a 6th gen BIC resigned mormon from a family that is all mormon and that I don't want to hear their message or pray or any of that. Look them in the eye and tell them that if they need a safe place or help leaving their mission that I'm happy to help them.
I would answer the door and say, "I am just headed out. But, if you will give me your home addresses I would be happy to come over to your house unannounced and tell you why my belief system is right and yours is wrong. "
I am, however, too lazy so I just tell them that I believe it's false and wish them well as I shut the door.
Because I was a missionary, I used to talk with them for the first ten years or so after I left. Then I would tell them, like Mak, "No, thank you," and close the door. When we started getting them every single week after moving to a small town, I put up a No Solicitation sign on the door with a sub-line: this includes religious organizations. Nobody has bugged us since.
I have a volume of the history of the church and the green student manual of History in the Fullness of Times on my bookcase near the front door, earmarked with pages dealing with JS's lie about practicing polygamy. If a missionary and/or other pushes me, I will reference it and watch them squirm.
I like the idea somebody else posted about just being really cool with them. Invite them in, offer them a beverage, kick your feet up and relax. Or just continue doing whatever you were doing before they came by. Watching the game, doing dishes, doing laundry, working on the car, whatever. Just make them feel incredibly welcome in your world. Don’t change a thing about what you where doing but don’t be rude either. In short just give them a quick window into the life of a normal person. A life they are missing.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/02/2013 07:13AM by peregrine.
If I lived alone, I would tell them what I think of Mormonism.
Since I have kids, I tell them not to come over and no thank you because I don't want our kids to get mixed up with Mormonism, and the slight possibility of that happening through them interacting with my kids is going to be eliminated.
Otherwise, I do think it'd be really fun to ask them if they've ever been to an orgy and if they'd like to participate in one - just to see their eyes go wide etc.
" Let me get you something to drink. I got Dr. Pepper and Dr. Pepper.... just messin with you. I am a godless heathen apostate now, but I served a mission years ago right here in this area!!"
Quick, bear me your obligatory testimony YOu have 10 seconds go! Then we can sit and visit."
Keep it light and fun. let them know you have never been happier. Invite them back as a place to crash if they need a few minutes under the radar....