A bit of history.  I learned several of the facts about the early church history almost one year ago. The Book of Abraham was the most damning piece of evidence that the church is not what is claims to be.  the Book of Mormon was a close second. 

I grew up in an extremely conservative TBM family.  I served a mission and had great success. I really enjoyed the church.  I had no issues with the church until I found out this information. Once I allowed myself to look at the information out there it was a relatively easy decision to not attend any more. I have not been inside a building since that time. 

I still have deep roots in the church. My entire family knows about my decision and they are not happy about it.  I let them know early on as to avoid the speculation of why I left.  A lot of good that did.  Members of our ward have accused me of being abusive to my wife, of having been tricked by Satan among other things.  Members of my family will not talk to me, others will overcompensate.  My parents think that our kids will not turn out well due to us leaving.  

My wife seems ready to resign. She has several great reasons for resigning.  I want to be sure that that is what I want to do before sending in my letter. I anticipate that it will eventually happen but I still have "what if" moments.  I really have a difficult time discussing Mormonism as it brings up hard emotions surrounding leaving. I think that not discussing the church allows for the what if moments. 

I have made the decision to not return to the church and will not go back. I am having difficulty with resignation.  I want to be sure. 

So I am seeking advice on moving forward. 

Thank you in advance

I don't see a need to rush. You were a mormon for a long time and you can officially quit whenever it suits you.

It sounds to me like you aren't ready to resign yet.

I invite you to peruse the links on my website to help you get ready. For me reading the information in the links listed on my home page had a lot to do with my wanting to resign: http://www.mormonprobe.com/. But if your not ready for that, that's fine too. Just take it at your own pace.

Many people feel like they never want to resign - they feel it indicates that the church has power over them. For me personally, I had a number of very specific reasons I wanted to resign for myself personally - until/if you have reasons of your own there may be no need.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2013 05:26PM by bc.

Thanks for the web site. Excited to look.

You bet - for me specifically there are probably 3 things that I find the most helpful.

1) Logically - the Book of Abraham has no outs. There is no reasonable counter argument to Joseph Smith fraudulently invented this. None. (I've read the apologetic arguments by Nibley, Rhodes, Lindsey, etc - they are all just grasping at straws.)

http://www.mormonhandbook.com/home/book-of-abraham.html
http://www.bookofabraham.com/boamathie/BOA_TOC.html

2) Emotionally reading about Joseph Smith and his wives. It's not just that he has them - it was reading the actual journal entries of the angst he caused them their parents, and their husbands that made it real. This is what emotionally made me feel like: "Joseph Smith was a true scumbag and I want to have nothing to do with his church."

http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/

Top 4:

http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/05-ZinaHuntingtonJacobs.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/23-LucyWalker.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/26-HelenMarKimball.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/2021-EmilyandElizaPartridge.htm

3) Top 10 Mormon problems explained video. For some reason this simple, straightforward video presentation is the most effectively things I've seen at going through the major issues and just completely putting my mind at ease that it's all made up (Note: the narrator is a regular poster here in rfm - he used to post as "stunted" but doesn't changed his rfm name because he doesn't want it too directly tied this video.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw

Honorable mentions

4) Mormon think - the site is almost overwhelming in the breadth of information - Unfortunately it's also almost as overwhelming in it's poor navigability ;) But wow, it's excellent!

http://www.mormonthink.com/

5) I find the links about Utah statistics and wacky things church leaders have said to be VERY telling:

http://www.mormonprobe.com/index.php?topic=By%20Their%20Fruits

6) This article does a fantastic job of exposing the approaches Mormon apologists take and helps clarify things:

http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon441.htm

6a) Along these lines, this helps explain why some really smart people still believe Mormonism:

http://www.michaelshermer.com/weird-things/excerpt/



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/11/2013 11:35PM by bc.

Sounds like people are emotionally blackmailing you - it's totally expected, but also totally unacceptable. Resign when you're ready, but don't let other peoples' attitudes and actions dictate what you want to do. It appears you're ready to leave now, which is great - we'll celebrate with you when you do, but own your decision and proceed with an attitude of great joy. It will help you and will influence others to examine why you left and why it's making you so happy.

Resignation has little meaning for someone who knows the church isn't true.

Honestly, I didn't even consider it, because I didn't care.

But then I realized that TBMs weren't taking our philosophical/religious discussions seriously, because they all thought I was just going through a rebellious phase.

So for me, I resigned to make people understand the depth of my conviction.

While there are benefits to resigning (mostly TBMs leaving you alone, or taking you seriously), those reasons don't trump your personal feelings.

If you're not ready, wait.
The only bad thing that happens from waiting is that the ward will bug you more often.

Take your time. You will know if and when you are ready. Meanwhile, enjoy your Sundays!

There's two sides to resigning in terms of the behaviour of your friends and family.

On the one hand, as long as you remain a member, all hope is not lost in their eyes. Their behaviour toward you will always be aimed at getting you back to church. Expect a lot of passive-agressiveness, guilt trips, emotional blackmail, etc.

On the other hand, your resignation will send a clear signal that you will never go back. It preempts their efforts to reactivate you but initially they will be very angry and judgmental. After that, relations will either normalize in case you have something besides mormonism to talk about, or you will estrange from them.

This can happen gradually and naturally, as is to be expected of relationships without a common ground, or it can happen swiftly and aggressively, as is to be expected from cult members who ostracize ex-members.

For me, it was very scary but also incredibly liberating and empowering to hand in my resignation. For the first time in my life, I made an important decision not knowing in advance how things would work out. I had to make it on my own in a whole new world.

If you are ready for that, I say: go for it!