Posted by:
judyblue
(
)
Date: January 16, 2013 04:32PM
IJBHO..... :)
I often feel that mormonism encourages the suppression of healthy emotions. We are not supposed to speak up when we are wronged - we are supposed to turn the other cheek. We are not supposed to hold grudges against those who hurt us - we are supposed to forgive and forget unconditionally. We are not supposed to feel depressed - we are supposed to "endure to the end". We are not supposed to mourn when we lose a loved one - we are supposed to be happy that they have gone to a better place.
Positive emotions are suppressed, as well. We are not supposed to feel pride in our accomplishments - we are supposed to humbly praise god for blessing us instead. We are not supposed to laugh loudly or be merry - we are supposed to be reverent. We are not supposed to be passionate in our love - we are supposed to be righteous.
And so many of us never learn how to appropriately manage and express our emotions. Anger is healthy. Sadness is healthy. Joy is healthy. Jealousy is healthy. Passion is healthy. Desire is healthy. But because we haven't been allowed to express them naturally, we haven't figured out how to moderate them naturally. We haven't learned how to let ourselves feel, recognize what we're feeling, and, in the case of negative emotions, minimize them.
I think this is why most mormons I know then to be explosively emotional. There comes a point when you simply cannot suppress what you're feeling, so it bursts out of them like a gunshot. They end up blathering at the podium at F&T meetings because they are so full of "the spirit" - but it's actually just emotions that they have never learned to recognize, and needs to be released in some way. They get absurdly angry and defensive SO QUICKLY, because when their anger finally erupts they don't know how to keep it in check. They get severely depressed, not just from all the pressures of living perfectly but because they are so used to faking away sadness the moment they feel it that when it becomes too much, they can't dig themselves out.
And so yes, sometimes RfM is an angry place. I think a lot of us, while detoxing from mormonism, are still in the process of learning how to be like real humans. We are angry at TSCC, and what it has done to our lives and our families and our bank accounts. So when we try to express that, it comes out by the shovelful.
I know that for me, personally, I have gone through a huge personality change since leaving TSCC, as far as my emotional responses to things goes. I used to be a highly emotional person. I cried often, I got offended easily, I was borderline manic-depressive. Most people described me as cold or unfeeling, because the only way I knew how to keep my emotions from getting the better of me was to lock them away completely until I could be alone. Now, I'm much more even-tempered. I don't cry very often anymore, and when I do it's just a brief release instead of an all-night sob session. I can receive criticism without shaking and crying and feeling like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I feel content most of the time.
There was a period, for about 18 months or so after I left TSCC, that I was perpetually angry, especially about mormonism. Every little thing set me off. But the more I've distanced myself from it, the more I've let myself FEEL that anger and work through it, the more it's disappeared. My family has noticed; both my parents have commented that I seem much happier and not as angry as I was a few years ago. I still get mad at TSCC occasionally, and frustrated by my TBM acquaintances at times, but I can also get over it. It's taken a few years, but I can get over it. I think a lot of people on this board are still on that path. It will take a different length of time for everyone. But this is a great place to vent it when your anger does become explosive.
Now, I'm not saying that mormonism or religion in general is responsible for all emotional affectations or struggles. It's much broader and more complex than that. But I do think that mormon values exacerbate the problem for a lot of those who are prone to have emotional issues.