I'm sure a few of you have been through this. My almost 16 year old son hates school, and has really struggled the past 2-3 years. He is in 10th grade but is failing. He wants to be a rapper--yes, he has a group and everything.

I've been supportive of the rapping as long as he is passing his classes. He is ADD, pretty severe, and has been through some rough stuff too.

I've taken him to everyone, and he tells them how he knows more than anyone about him (true I guess) and that school isn't doing anything for him.

I told him tonight that he can quit school but he has to get a full-time job, pay rent, just like he is an adult. I also will not support him or his group anymore. They use my house for everything.

I don't know what else to do. I can't physically force him to go,, and I certainly can't make him do the work. He goes to school and just doesn't go to class. Utah overcrowded understaffed schools.

I am hoping the reverse psychology will work on him, but I don't know. I won't kick him out unless he is horrible, and he is not there yet. If he stays in school I'll support the rapping and still do his laundry and he can play sports. He really has to think about what he would be giving up.

So, advice and/or experiences?

I am so sorry to hear this. I went through this with my son and it was horrible. I got my son through high school at a Vocational technical high school. One week of shop and the one week of academics. It was enough to keep him interested. Many of the boys there were labeled as ADHD and they did great. I don’t know if you have anything like that where you are but it saved us.

Thanks for that. I told him that. I dont' know what our district has. I know there is a school that they want to send him to that is for at-risk kids, at risk of not graduating on time. Of course he said no to that. I don't know if they offer vocational or not, but I told him we need to find out.

He wants to record music, he could get involved in that stuff.

Thank you so much everyone. I am sobbing my eyes out while readinng this. I know I am not the only one who has ever had to deal with this. It's just so frustrating, I KNOW he is so intelligent, of course he does too, hence the not needing to know stuff from high school.

He is diagnosed ADHD inattentive type. He has not been tested for learning disabilities, but I know I can do that through the school. He just doesn't want to learn right now. He is a talented athlete too, and I hate to see him waste that.

I have a lot of things to research. Paying for private school right now is out of the question. We are on food stamps cause his dad won't give us money. Heck, I have to beg him for gas money to take our son to the doctor. I would LOVE to send him to Juan Diego up in Draper.

He has a friend who dropped out, and his mom works somewhere they offer ged classes, so he could do those with him. I dont' know why it breaks my heart so much. I know it's not me, but I also know how it will look to everyone else, as much as I don't want to care, I know it will be hard. If I have to do that, I don't even want to tell his dad, ,not that he is involved at all.

Ok, I already feel better now. Seriously, thank you for taking the time to respond. Now maybe I can get to sleep!

Sorry, that post up there should be at the bottom, my keyboard moves things around soeties.

My daughter had similar struggles. Very smart, but high school just wasn't a good fit. We finally let her do the GED and she received perfect to neat perfect scores. She is now at the community college working on pre-req courses and preparing for the SAT.

If he wants to rap he needs to know how to write. If he wants to be a successful rapper he better learn some math skills in order to manage his money. Some of the best rappers are socially literate and work references to historical civil rights struggles into their lyrics. Help him see that the boring classes are relevant to his goals. Are their ADD support groups in your area? It might help for him to talk with other people especially adults to learn what strategies they use to get through the day and what careers they have chosen.

I had to put my daughter in a private school with a one on one teacher to get her through high school.

She's done well since then, but getting there was no picnic.

After high school she went to a vocational school for computer tech. She's done very well since then.

My son is also ADD. He left HS 1/2 credit short. He was able to make it up over the summer. He also went to a technical school, and is doing well.

He thought he was going to be a rock star. One summer of living on the road, and starving, he decided that wasn't going to cut it.

My experience has been to get them thru HS any way you can.It may take some $$. Private school was how I got my daughter through. After that, technical schools are the answer for ADD kids. It's too bad HS doesn't offer these kids any options other than mainstream. My son has an IQ of 130, He's more intelligent than most people he went to school with.

My grandson had that problem. My daughter found a creative solution by placing him in Running Start, a Washington State program where high school students can start community college and get their high school GED at the same time they complete their Associates degree.

He struggled with the adjustment the first semester and is now doing much better. It turns out it was the high school environment he didn't like, not the academics. He loves community college because he says the students seem there to learn and are interested in the topics. He feels ok asking questions.

It may be the environment he finds objectionable. When I myself had that problem with a gifted teenager, I put him in Realms of Inquiry, a private school in Salt Lake and he did very well. I would recommend Realms to anyone.

Another lower cost possibility is Catholic school. The education is superb and many non-Catholics send there children there because of the small class sizes, the compassion toward children with special needs. If your child has an IEP and is getting services in public school, he will do much better in Catholic school because they add to those services out of compassion.

For a while I worked with the archdiocese helping hard-to-place children get into the Catholic schools. I was amazed at how much cheaper they were than some of the highly rated autistic schools and how effective they were at helping kids with special needs.

Hope this helps.

Anagrammy

PS. This isn't about you, it's just about him needing you to find him a better learning environment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2013 12:44AM by anagrammy.

Also know that you may be eligible for financial assistance because of a learning disability. You will have to have verified, documented, diagnosis.

I lived back east when I was dealing with this, and it was 10 years ago, so I can't remember all the details.

Both of my kids had vocational school paid for because of their disability.

You said you've taken him to everything...does this include the school? Does he have an IEP at school? Is he getting support there?

He must get a GED. A full time job is a must. Get him into community college courses for his future or vocational school, charter, Job Corps, or something. Being a famous rapper is a totally great goal, but few make the cut, he needs a backup plan.

If attending high school is problematic, I'm pretty sure there are online programs for the diploma. Your child's high school can help with this. Call them if you haven't already.

There are a lot of alternatives, but you will have to do some serious research. GED classes, online public high school, alternative schools, adult Ed centers, homeschool w/private tutor...

Maybe there is still an angle you can approach him from that will help him understand the importance of an education.

In my experience, kids who struggle in school develop deep fears or feelings of inadequacy which need to be addressed. Is there anything you can steer him towards where he will feel successful? Maybe make a deal with him-he attends GED classes and gets to play sports. Or get to go rehearse with his rap group.

Some kids take a while to figure things out. You know better than anyone if he'd respond better to tough love or an appeal to his intelligence. I almost always try the latter.

Good luck. Hang in there.

I had no such experiences with my own kids in that regard, but I did teach 9th-12th grades, and have seen situations just like the one you're describing with your son. I'm sorry; it has to be very frustrating for you. You know his potential. You know he's a driven person when it comes to something he wants desperately in his life. You, as his mom, know him better than anyone else.

But the question is what's going on inside him that you don't know. If he hasn't been tested, you have no way of knowing what his strengths and weaknesses are in the classroom; thus, the whole school experience may be something he'd rather not deal with. It's important to get him tested, to get a group together of his homeroom advisor or counselor (whoever does his registration each semester), grade level advisor, the Special Ed coordinator/teacher, his classroom teachers, etc. If he doesn't have an IEP, demand one. Perhaps he feels overwhelmed. I taught kids with a vast range of needs from advanced to basic skills. I also remediated reading and writing for the state graduation test (or Basic Skills Test). I learned a great deal about how some of these kids feel about school. I could relate because while I'm very gifted in language skills, my math skills are so poor I'm considered borderline ld. It helped my students to learn that we all have gifts, and we all have weaknesses. Your son's feeling that no one knows him as well as he does himself is an indication that, somehow, the school is failing him. If you sit down with the group, you'll have a baseline from which to start--before you consider tutors, online classes, alternative school, a GED or vocational tracking (all wonderful ideas).

Do all you can to find out what's going on in school. What his real frustrations are, if that's the problem--his strengths, weaknesses, his scores on tests (the ITBS, the CAT and CRT, etc.) and his ability to function in the classroom (is he performing at, above or below grade level in each subject; is he a visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner, etc.; does he feel comfortable with each one of his teachers and with his peers). Then you can make some decisions along with your son about his future. Of course, if he continues to press the issue with the music career and refuses to try in school, you may have no other choice but to try tough love and let him see how difficult it is to do without Mom's help. I hope it doesn't come to that. However, I do remember two students in particular from my first year teaching--one was exactly like your son. He did drop out of school for a while, left home (his parents wouldn't allow him to stay) and moved four hours away to start his band. He and the other boys lasted about six months, and he came back home, re-entered school and finally graduated. He is doing fine the last I heard.

Don't give up hope. Remember, you're not alone in this. The school system can be a tremendous resource to you and to your son if he'll just try for a few months. Ask him for that much time so that you can wrap your head around things and help him make the best decision possible. I wish you the best possible outcome and hope you can take care of yourself so that you'll be able to help your child through this. All the best.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2013 05:54AM by ducky333.

I haven't been able to come back here til today. Let me clear up about the dropping out issue; I would NEVER allow that to be an option and apologize if it appeared that way in my post. I related the story of a young man who, unfortunately, did drop out--his parents, teachers (including me for two subjects), admins and friends all tried to talk him out of it.

This young man was so mixed up he couldn't get his head screwed on correctly during that entire school year. On the very last day of school, he came back from lunch off-campus UtI for finals in English class (mine). I knew the kid was drunk or high; the vp came to me and begged me to say I knew he was one or the other, because they wanted him expelled. I refused to do so--what good would that have done this ym? Furthermore, my entire classroom smelled like French food as that was a last-day project for Fr I and II; thus, I told the vp that I couldn't smell anything on the kid. Yet even after that help, the kid plagiarized half the test of the student in front of him verbatim. Thus, I had to fail him in the class as his grade was already low and the final counted for 30% of his grade. Then I had to do battle w/his mom, who begged me to give him credit for half the test, since he "only cheated on part of it." This soap opera went on and on. I did fail him in the class; he repeated it the next year. But his drug use did not stop, and when he came of age in the state, he was able to drop out of school by his own choice (mine was not the only class he failed, and he was missing several units of credit when he reached 18).

Then he and his band mates moved to another city and he did his thing for approx. 6 months, as I recall then returned home when he realized life as a rock star is not what he envisioned. Starvation is a great motivator. Thus, he came back to school with renewed determination, got his act together w/the help of several people, and ended up doing just fine. He was a wonderful young man; he was just going through a horrible phase in life and felt that his only option was to drop out.

Let me repeat, however: Never have I encouraged a student to drop out, nor would I. In fact, I have helped kids make it to graduation who were facing terrible struggles: drug abuse, mental illness, pregnancy, functional illiteracy, being latchkey kids, and in the process often going to bat against admins who wanted some of those kids gone. If it appeared that I endorse dropping out of school in what I wrote, that was my error. But I have seen many students who had to deal with life on their own terms, and a few times that has included dropping out. But I would never give that as an option to a student or to his parents. Life is hard enough w/o beginning it from behind the rest of the pack. No one pays you to stand at the back of the line in life.

I wouldn't offer dropping out of school as an option. Insist that he attend school.

Having said that, it's clear that his current setting isn't working for him. Write a letter to the IEP chairman (or chair of the Child Study Team) at his school and ask that he be assessed.

Investigate other options for him -- VoTech, apprenticeships, the school for at-risk kids, online learning, AVID programs, or whatever else is available in your community.

Stress to him that he needs a solid backup plan because it is very difficult to make it in the entertainment world. All he has to do is watch American Idol to see how very few make the cut. Help him look into various career options. A recording technician is a good place to start. This might lead to an interest in other electronics.

Make sure that you educate him about financial realities. Price out what it would cost to share an apartment with a roommate, pay utility bills, food, walking around money, etc. Then figure out how much income would be needed to pay for those things. Finally, figure out what sorts of jobs would pay that level of income. Many kids make the mistake of thinking that a minimum-wage job will be enough to support them.

Dropping out of school wouldn't be an option in my house. I'd start with a meeting with the guidance counselor to find out about all the options available in your area. In some districts, in order to get into votech, you have to meet certain academic standards. For lots of kids, that's motivational.

If despite everything, he did drop out, he wouldn't be living in my house if he wasn't working full time. He could do his rap music on the side, but I would expect him putting in 40 hours a week at a real job.

You have already gotten some great advice. I just wanted to mention Connections Academy as an option. It is an online public k-12 school. Two of my children go to Connections (another state - but it is also available in Utah). K12 Online Utah Virtual Academy is another option, it is also a public online school in Utah.

Another option is if he would cooperate with you - you could home school him. You could still give him a diploma in a couple of years, you could make up your own, it just wouldn't be accredited. Maybe if you centered his studies around his interests he would be more cooperative?

One other option may be to transfer him to another high school either in or out of your district, if there is another one that would be better for him. Schools don't make this easy for parents, but it is an option, at least for the two states that I have taught in.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2013 08:59AM by happilynotmormon.

I really do not know how to address the motivation issues, but if he drops out, he is condemning himself to a very difficult life.

Half of people living in poverty are high school drop outs. High school drop outs have a 1:3 chance of living below the poverty line. A typical HS drop out makes $20k/year. A typical HS graduate makes $30k per year. That's a 50% pay raise just for making it through HS!

A GED is not the same a diploma. I know he struggles in school, but he will struggle to find work, struggle to pay his bills, struggle to feed his family, and struggle to find dignity if he drops out now. He only has 2 1/2 years of FREE education to get through to make his life so much better. After he drops out, he will have to pay out of pocket for any further education, and due so from meager pay while trying to get time off.

He probably thinks that quitting school absolves him of his academic problems. In reality, he is trading academic problems for a lifetime of economic depravation.

Investigate all the possible options, online, homeschool, private, vocational, whathaveyou. Sit him down and explain the options. Tell him dropping out is NOT an option but all the other choices you will support whichever one he wants. He can be a rapper all he wants, but he is not allowed to do it without a diploma, be it GED or however he gets one. One can be accepted to college with a GED or other alternative diploma process, so when the rap career falls apart, he can still probably get into college if he ever wants to go.

My point was: explain the options and then get him invested in the outcome. The only way he will finish is if getting the diploma matters to him. Find a reason to make it matter.

I would talk to Juan Diego. My kids go to Judge in SLC and we have lots of friends at JD. They have great scholarship programs and lots of financial aid. They are also very good at helping kids with LD's, etc. They also have a great sports program. I really wish you would give them a call.

Sending you a cyber hug.

Jujubee

which has offers classes for .25 credits (a quarter) at a time. Up to 4 separate classes at a time. They can make up quarters they failed, or work ahead at their own pace.

The East Shore High school has "packets" where the students do worksheets to get their credits made up. I get the impression that the courses are a little easier than at HS, but I'd be a bit worried about my kids making friends there.

Good luck. My kids have had their challenges with public schools, and I know what a stress it is when they struggle.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned going to see a counselor trained in adolescent/teen issues.

There has to be other education options for your son. Traditional high school isn't working for him and it's not his fault. He needs alternatives that fit his unique needs. He's a square peg who has been frustrated for a long time by trying to fit into a round hole, and just can't do it. He needs a situation with more flexibility, very possibly tutoring.

Don't give up on the HS education, just look for alternatives.

Your deal (i.e., get a job full time may be hard at his age, pay rent) in short you want to be an adult, fine, here are adult responsibilities; is excellent.

My boyfriend (well, we are both 54 so maybe boyfriend is a bad term), is a math and electronics teacher in H.S. in Sacramento, Ca. Every time the district presses teachers to get students to go to college, he says, "Some people are not just cut out to go to college....perhaps a trade school or learning trade skills would be a better fit." He gets 'hissed' every time he makes that statement. However, it is so true.

Have you ever considered having your son take a G.E.D.? You do not mention which state you reside. In CA, a student in H.S. can drop out at 17 and with parental permission, take the G.E.D. and not have to attend H.S. any more. A GED is considered a H.S. diploma. A H.S. diploma (remember I am a teacher also) in and of itself means nothing except to show a potential employer that you are able to start and complete a task. The only thing I see H.S. in California teaching is how to put a condom on a banana. Which is great if a girl wants to have safe sex with a banana.

Most, if not all employers, unless you want a real 'no brainer' job, will want an employee to have a H.S. diploma or a G.E.D. Or they simply just 'axe' if you have one. I had 'no brain' jobs in my college days, I never had to actually show a copy of my H.S. diploma.

Schools are not the 'fit' for everyone. Stay away from private colleges which I call "Money Schools." (Kaplan, Bryman School, National University). They will suck you into signing up, make statements like "financial assistance for those who qualify' and you get stuck taking out loans for $30,000 or more and no real ability to pay the loan. The school gets paid, they don't really care if you get a job or not. I had a neighbor and her son that were almost talked into taking a Kaplan course in Medical Billing. They were not very smart, actually functionally illiterate. They were on some sort of public assistance, bought cloths at second hand stores. Both of them approached me and asked if that would be a good deal for them. I had to be brutally honest and I explained the long term repercussions of a "guaranteed student loan.' I told them to go to a doctors office and talk to the 'medical billing' people and see if their school really helped them to find a job or even get them an interview. They did, and asked me for advise on how to end their cycle of poverty. As if I am some sort of life coach.

The only 'degree' I could see helping anyone find a well paying and fulfilling employment/career would be a C.N.A. (certified nursing assistant) L.V.N. (Licensed vocational nurse) or an R.N. program. I had an open day, drove them to the local Junior College and set them both up with admissions (a friend from my college days). I called in a favor, got them 'fast tracked,' as normal waiting lists for those programs are two years and up. They thanked me two years later. Yes, it took two years at a J.C. but they did not leave college with a huge debt. I rant.

He had to go to Bridgerland in Cache Valley for the afternoon for 2 semesters of his senior year. That is what saved him. What I had to do though is take away the control. I asked him to just graduate--however he decided to do that. He got to decide when he went to school. I actually did pay him a very minimal amount for every day he went to school so that he wouldn't want to go get a job. I think I paid him $5 a day--and I was POOR--so that was a stretch.

My dad was a school teacher and he told me to back off--not like my dad backed off with my brothers, but I did back off.

I got him through school. Getting him through his divorce and the aftermath has been a lot more difficult. I thought just getting him through high school was the ultimate goal.

Don't feel like a failure! My husband hated HS and dropped out. I'm sure he has some sort of attention issue, but for sure he has anxiety problems. He went on to get his GED and decided to go to a vocational school. He's one of the smartest people I know... And I'm not just saying that...he really is.

Public schools aren't a perfect fit for sooooo many kids. I'm looking at putting one of mine into a charter school because I'm just at a loss, and she's only 9. There are tons of different options which is great. Online, charter, alternative, private...

Gosh, thanks everyone!! You guys gave me some great options. I have researched some of them, have worked with the school, but I am going to ask for LD testing.

He didn't want to get up this morning, but I told him he can't drop out till he is 16, which is in March. So he can complete the quarter.

He was worried how I would treat him like an adult but not like my son. I said it would be like he was my "adult" son. So I was glad to see he was worried.

But what I did tonight I think helped. His rapping buddies were over in the basement, and I told them they had to go home so that we could watch the video from Frontline on high school dropouts. This is like 5. Then I mentioned to his friends, oh, did you tell them what you are going to do? I told them that if he drops out of school I wo'nt be supporting the group at all.

Boy, they jumped on him with love and consternation. We all talked, then I left them alone. They said some really great things.

Needless to say they came up in awhile and asked if they could go to friends house and watch video and do homework. Yep, him too. Nothing like a little peer pressure.

As for school, I have been in there many times. He does have a 504 for ADD and depression, but they don't "do" anything with it, so I have to push it. I have been working with the tracker at the school too, she is related to me which helps.

I have an appointment with a vp this week, and we have talked about the connections and online classes.

So, I am hoping. He is in therapy, but he is not taking it seriously. I don't know if the therapist is a good fit yet.

Oh, we are in the Alpine School district in North Utah county.

I won't say which high school, but it is very overcrowded too, classes are huge which is not good for soeone with add either.

Thanks so much, I will get on these other opportunities. I gave him this "choice" to have him learn the hard way. he hasn't figured it out any other way, so I am desperate. But I hope to get everyone on the side of support for him.

Oh, the frontline show they loved, and were shocked. You should watch it. He thought he had it bad.....

Thanks again.

FYI, a verbal request for LD testing is meaningless. Put it in writing to the CST/IEP chairman. The school can't ignore a written request, they will have to deal with you in some fashion.

Apologies in advance for a novel length comment. I didn't intend on this! :\

Don't feel like a failure! I was where your son was when I was 17 and I was very close to dropping out and getting my GED. My parents got a referral to to Valley HS when it was still in that tiny building with classes mainly in pods, haha. (I went to Alta HS, though transferred to Skyline for a semester in 10th grade.) Looks like they moved it over to Jordan HS and improved it quite a bit. I still recognize a lot of the faculty and I graduated in '04. Not sure what district you're in, Valley is for Jordan School District but you might be able to apply for a transfer, especially due to his ADD/ADHD. I'd look into putting a 504 plan and IEP in place for him together (google '504 plans for adhd' and the first link at additudemag and all of the info about ADD/ADHD & school is VERY informative). I don't know if I'd suggest Juan Diego due to it being a private school and you may have more issues implementing a 504 plan and IEP in a private school setting compared to public school setting. The more strict setting could cause an opposite reaction than what you are hoping for, too. I had friends who went to JD and I'll be honest, I wouldn't suggest it for someone in his situation.

Valley has a reputation for some reason, but it's an excellent school, I wish I would have gone my junior year and not my senior year only. At my assigned school (Alta) and when I transferred to Skyline, I was in all kinds of trouble, horribly defiant, not passing or hardly passing classes. I usually skipped school. Once I got to Valley, I actually loved school, got a job, stopped hanging out with the people I was getting into trouble with, my grades rose to A's and B's, class sizes were small enough that the attention for students was there and I felt like my teachers cared and were rooting for me. It made a huge difference and I was incredibly happy there. Don (the principal, Donald Link) is still the principal and he's fabulous. He's good at being kind but not letting students walk all over him. A lot of other faculty I still recognize almost 10 years later are still there and they're great. I went from not knowing if I'd graduate to graduating on time with the rest of my class. Going to Valley would probably motivate him to work since you get work hour credits to help you graduate on time if you're behind on credits or if you'd like to graduate early, get out a semester earlier. I was asked to speak at graduation but I was too shy and turned it down. :o (I wasn't on a 504 or IEP there, I was when I was younger and struggling with some physical health issues which is why I knew about them.)

There's also the option of online school but that might make things worse by allowing him to be at home too much and not motivate him to get a job.

Not sure what your health insurance situation is like, but I did a Behaviorial Day Treatment program at Wasatch Canyons Counseling and they do school during the day and you have intense therapy. It's M-F, I forget how many weeks but it's for a while. He sounds like he could be a good candidate for it. They also offer DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) which was designed for BPD originally but the techniques that are taught help greatly with a lot of things. The main foundation of it is keeping yourself in "wise mind" which is a balance of logic and proper, controlled emotion, opposed to "emotional mind" or "logical mind" and then there's many different techniques taught for varying situations and intensities of moods. It literally saved my ass when I was 16, no joke. I did that at Wasatch Canyons as well too.

Just some things you could look into maybe? Good luck and I promise, it'll blow over in time. I'm not at all like I was when I wanted to drop out my senior year or needing behavioral day treatment because I was so out of control. I can only imagine how hard it is right now, I feel horrible for what I put my parents through at that time of my life but we've put it in the past and laugh about it at times.

ETA:
With a 504 and IEP, I remember this with when my mom was dealing with mine, you have to push and get bossy. Show up in the office to speak to the principal (or superintendent, my last 504 and IEP was in 8th grade and I don't remember if it was at the school level or district level), call, call again. 504 plans are a legal right and you also have a legal right to have another evaluation if the school evaluation isn't something you feel is accurate. Get persistent. Everyone has different personalities, I know, and I do get this from my mom, but if I feel ignored or like I'm not being heard, I turn into "oh you're going to hear me NOW" mode until they get so tired of seeing me or getting my calls that they do listen. I make sure I have a list I've compiled from legitimate sources with my rights and I make myself crystal clear and let them know that if whatever actions are ignored again, I'll step it up to legal action and going to the press if I need to. (Even if it's an empty threat, it's enough to typically put ants in their pants and get everything in place.) I'm assertive and if I need to be, a little aggressive when it comes to the my well-being or to the well-being of loved ones. :p

Whatever your personality, you do have to be persistent and pushy or they tend to not implement anything. Writing letters to each teacher with the terms of his 504 and his accommodations might be helpful. My mom is a teacher and actually appreciates this so that she has it close at hand.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/23/2013 11:36PM by tatertots.

All that said.........
Realize that YOU are the one who will have to do the work to get him where he needs to be.

There are some wonderful teachers out there who may or may not help you. There are some who will completely ignore you. Same goes with administrators.

If that happens, you have to be motivated enough to find another avenue. It can be exhausting. All this time you're trying to deal with a child who is fighting your efforts on every level.

If you can do this, i'm here to tell you it's worth it. Both of my kids are now 30. They both support themselves, have stayed out of trouble, and feel proud of their accomplishments. Believe me, it was no small thing getting to where they are. By the way, they are both taking meds for ADD, and have been since middle school. I know there are people who are against that, but i've never met an ADD person who had a problem with it.

You mentioned Juan Diego so you must be in the area. Both of my boys went to Valley-the alternative school for the Jordan District--it literally saved them. Somehow the wonderful people at Valley understand this exact situation and cater to the needs of the "unique" student. The thing that frustrates me is, if they have figured out how to individualize learning to the students there, why can't they do it throughout the whole district? Best of luck,it is such a challenge! P.S. I think the reason it works at Valley is they do in fact love the students!

I haven't been able to come back here til today. Let me clear up about the dropping out issue; I would NEVER allow that to be an option and apologize if it appeared that way in my post. I related the story of a young man who, unfortunately, did drop out--his parents, teachers (including me for two subjects), admins and friends all tried to talk him out of it.

This young man was so mixed up he couldn't get his head screwed on correctly during that entire school year. On the very last day of school, he came back from lunch off-campus UtI for finals in English class (mine). I knew the kid was drunk or high; the vp came to me and begged me to say I knew he was one or the other, because they wanted him expelled. I refused to do so--what good would that have done this ym? Furthermore, my entire classroom smelled like French food as that was a last-day project for Fr I and II; thus, I told the vp that I couldn't smell anything on the kid. Yet even after that help, the kid plagiarized half the test of the student in front of him verbatim. Thus, I had to fail him in the class as his grade was already low and the final counted for 30% of his grade. Then I had to do battle w/his mom, who begged me to give him credit for half the test, since he "only cheated on part of it." This soap opera went on and on. I did fail him in the class; he repeated it the next year. But his drug use did not stop, and when he came of age in the state, he was able to drop out of school by his own choice (mine was not the only class he failed, and he was missing several units of credit when he reached 18).

Then he and his band mates moved to another city and he did his thing for approx. 6 months, as I recall then returned home when he realized life as a rock star is not what he envisioned. Starvation is a great motivator. Thus, he came back to school with renewed determination, got his act together w/the help of several people, and ended up doing just fine. He was a wonderful young man; he was just going through a horrible phase in life and felt that his only option was to drop out.

Let me repeat, however: Never have I encouraged a student to drop out, nor would I. In fact, I have helped kids make it to graduation who were facing terrible struggles: drug abuse, mental illness, pregnancy, functional illiteracy, being latchkey kids, and in the process often going to bat against admins who wanted some of those kids gone. If it appeared that I endorse dropping out of school in what I wrote, that was my error. But I have seen many students who had to deal with life on their own terms, and a few times that has included dropping out. But I would never give that as an option to a student or to his parents. Life is hard enough w/o beginning it from behind the rest of the pack. No one pays you to stand at the back of the line in life.

I'm a little late to this discussion but wanted to give you my 2 cents.

My son had a somewhat unusual learning disability (central auditory processing disorder -- like dyslexia for hearing) which the school district had no program for at the time. Like Helemon, above, I finally let him drop out and get his GED. He's now in college.

I'm a little distressed by the number of people who say that dropping out should never be an option. You want to do everything possible to help your son and closing doors to possible solutions is not, in my opinion, helpful.

Your can order guides to study for the GED from Amazon. It's not an easy test (I certainly couldn't pass it without a lot of study) and your son should be aware of what's involved. The good part is that most employers and colleges have no problem with a GED. They just want assurances that your son is not someone who gives up and takes off when things are difficult. Getting a GED shows that is not the case.

I would also point out to your son that getting his GED lets him keep all his options open. It would be frustrating in the future for him to want to do something and find he has to take the GED exam before he can do it.

I know how you're feeling. Every member of my family has at least a college degree and often more than one. They were pretty horrified when I let him drop out. But you know what? It didn't kill them (or my son) and somehow life has gone on. My son's doing well now and I don't regret it for a minute.

I think you've done very well, nony.

I think the GED program with his friend seems like the thing to do if things don't work out in the class room.

lulu - another ADD guy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2013 09:11AM by lulu.

Getting your son through high school needs to be your number one goal for the time being. You need to be his advocate. He can't do it for himself right now. He may be taller than you, but he is still a kid. Don't feel like you are undermining his development by treating him like a kid. He needs this from you now.

Become a pest at school. Communicate with the teachers weekly. Insist that they honor the Sec. 504 plan, and call them out on it when they don't.

Ask your son about his school work. Since you are in touch with the teachers, you know what books he's supposed to be reading and what projects he's working on. Don't let anything slide. Have him show you his homework, or sit and do it with him.

ADD kids tend to me immature for their ages, and treating him like a kid may be the way to pull him out of this.