I'm recovering like you guys.

How do I even know if some sexual stuff is even right for me?

Threesomes/swinging and stuff. They sound like fun but you can't take them back, you know? Yeah, I'm married.

Are they as bad as members think? Positive for married relationships? What kinds of married relationships? Thanks guys.

1) DON'T do it to try to 'fix" a relationship. Whatever exists is only amplified by alternative sexual behaviors, for good or for bad.

2) It takes the willing consent of BOTH partners, and should be thoroughly discussed before hand. Yes, there are implications, so try to find out about as many of them as you can so you aren't blind-sided.

3) It's not for everyone, and might not be right for you and/or your spouse.

Gotcha. Are there certain kinds of people or relationships that fit into the lifestyle better? Where is some good/reliable info about this stuff?

That's really for you and your spouse to decide.

A couple books where you can start are The Ethical Slut, and Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits.

Good luck, and may you find what will make you most happy.

Thanks helamonster. Good way to talk about this/bring it up? We will for sure talk about it. No go if we aren't both in.

I have been in the lifestyle for about 4 years now. Started with my ex and thought for a few months that it was the "cure" for our troubled relationship. We were both on a sexual high- 3-5 times a day, plus parties and dates and whatnot. It was a lot of fun. As a woman, I naturally got more action and that drove a bit of a wedge between us. I met my current SO as a single in the lifestyle and we still participate, but not to the extent that my ex and I did. I think the difference is that with my ex, the LS was what made our sex life, with my current partner, the LS is something that we both understand and enjoy on occasion- it doesn't rule our lives or our relationship. It is not for everyone, but I enjoy it a lot. We have a deep, incredible connection emotionally and sexually and not having to stay within the box of monogamy eliminates a lot of hard feelings. I know that he loves me and I love him- that the physical that we share with others does not damage what we have together.

Enjoy ;) (PS- you will find A LOT of ex-mos in the LS. A LOT.)

Apparently you are right about ex-mo's in the lifestyle (check out Mr. Dehlin's recent interview).

Also this quote:

However, the difference comes in during adolescence where it appears the swingers had experiences that changed their views toward sex and love and religion such that they differed from those of the non swingers (Schupp, 1970, 1971). The study recorded that; swingers had more premarital relationships with partners other than their spouse, saw sex and love as two distinct needs, did not regularly attend religious services, were more honest with their mates, did not view adultery as a cause for separation or divorce, and were just as happy and satisfied in their marriages as compared to the controls (Schupp, 1970, 1971).

Maybe the ability to handle polyamorus relationships are in exmo DNA lots of us come from polygamist stock, and I am betting there are some who enjoyed it :)