First, let me tell you that I was never a Mormon. I grew up in a fundamentalist protestant home, however, at the age of consent, I left and took my chance to investigate and choose my own religion (ADF Druid, for those curious). I did try on many for size, just because I knew that what I was raised with was not right for me. 1/4 of my family, however, comes from the original pioneers. They were die-hard Mormons and, way back when, polygamists as well. Every child in my grandfather's generation left and was excommunicated.

Now, all branches of my family have always been extremely interested in our past (not simply the Mormon one), because we have a lot of well-known war heroes and royalty. At my generation's level, it's become extremely important to keep track of our lineage, because, well, we learned that, due to political reasons and a lack of understanding of genetic diversity, some medical conditions have become utterly glued to our bloodlines.

That said, I tend to be the one in the family who cares the most about learning about who we are, and who we were. My major in school was history, and how people lived their lives and viewed the world in different time periods. Naturally, this also has me taking an interest in the Mormon past, as well. Like it or not, Mormonism is a part of my family tree, quite heavily. Amusingly, it tends to surprise many Mormons that I sometimes know more about their history and religion than they do, simply because I know about my family.

The past is something I know a great deal about. I've even made a business out of it, without going into teaching (which a lot of people with my major end up doing). I know about the past, but I frequently have questions about the present. It's often said that I spend so much time in the past, that the present is a foreign concept to me.

That said, I have a curiosity.

I have heard, time and time again, that the missionaries live on shoestring budgets. I've heard that they live on very poor nutrition. As someone with great compassion, THIS does bother me a lot. When they come to my door, the only thing I think about is, "These poor men; they're probably starving for a homecooked meal."

Since I run my business from home, of course, I get all of the daytime and evening callers, and that does include missionaries. While I disagree with their religion entirely, I cannot let a person suffer, no matter their religion. It is a part of my own religion and the upbringing lent by my non-fundamentalist family that we treat all guests like family--we invite them in, we feed them nutritious food, and offer conversation they'd find stimulating.

So, it would be my desire to invite them in for a proper dinner, on the stipulation that this is merely dinner and non-religious conversation. I would make it clear to them that I am not in search of a new religion. They're welcome to ask about mine, and I am fine enough at dinner conversation to ask about theirs, but, I would imagine that, after pounding the pavement to talk God every day, they might enjoy a night that involves neither of those things. I simply want to feed them some proper food, and give them a "night off," so to speak.

Those of you who were missionaries, or who are now, would this be something you'd accept? Converting me is not open to discussion, but my generosity is open to all who need it.

And as a side question: would it be unethical for me to make myself known to the local ward for home visits, for the purpose of feeding the missionaries, though I do not wish to be converted? I assume I'd have to leave out the part about me having no desire to convert, which seems like a lie of omission, albeit, for good and generous reasons.

Genuinely, I feel so awful for them, every time I hear how they live. I grew up in a heavily Mormon area, and I've seen it firsthand. As well, before we bought our house, we had missionaries sharing an apartment in our building. Every time I saw them coming out, TONS of them would pour out of a single apartment. And I know how big those apartments were. They could NOT have been comfortable.

Thoughts?

1) This shouldn't be a problem. Most missionaries would appreciate it and would be gracious about your request. It's possible they have some wacko mission president with some weird rules that would prevent this, but in most missions this would be encouraged.

2) In the United States most missionaries have plenty of money, at least in my experience. It's when you get to the poverty stricken countries where it gets really bad. For example on my mission in AZ I wasn't particularly careful with my money but I came home with an extra $1000 I didn't spend. (We were in a highly Mormon area though - fed my members nearly every night and often for lunch as well.) There were some missionaries who didn't have enough money but it was poor money management.

3) It wouldn't hurt to contact the local ward and sign up. Once you get the missionarie's phone # you could just call them directly occasionally even if the ones you know get transferred out the new ones would have the same phone # and would appreciate the invitation.

4) There are actually a lot of missionaries out there that are burned out and don't want to be there. They tend to do a lot of what is called "camping" which is just hanging out at people's houses - usually Mormon's who are casual and kind of fringe members. They typically break lots of mission rules like watching TV and playing video games. It's possible you could eventually become known as a camping spot where they can just come and relax and chill and not talk about their church which they don't want to do anyway.

Thank you. That reply was most helpful.

My follow-up question is: where does one sign up via the local ward? Do they have web forms, or does one call?

Try this:

http://www.lds.org/rcmaps/#ll=0,0&z=2&m=google.road

The phone number will be the phone # of the bishop's/clerk's office. Your best best to find someone there would be Sunday but weeknights could work too.

We actually did this for a long time with a lady on my mission. She was a die-hard Catholic, but she loved the missionaries. She had let some of them "practice" teaching the lessons to her, so she knew all about the doctrines of Mormonism, she'd even been to church a few times, but she didn't believe any of it and told us straight up she would never convert.

Most of the missionaries who served there were fine with that (including myself). We'd just go over and have dinner with her and maybe chat for a bit, and then leave. Sometimes Mormonism came up, sometimes Catholicism did, sometimes we didn't talk about religion at all.

I heard that a companionship who came in later had stopped visiting her, because they felt like it was a waste of their time when they could be out spreading the gospel to people who might actually listen. So it depends on the missionaries and their leaders.

To be honest, I've always found most missionaries rather obnoxious, so I wouldn't invite them over if I were you. You'll end up in their "area book," so I can almost guarantee that you'll keep getting random visits from them for years after you've stopped inviting them over.

You're an ADF-er? So am I. Nice to see another of us here.

I was a mish, 1990-92, Great Lakes state.
Missionaries in the US typically GAIN WEIGHT on their mission.
I was so overfed I had to diet and exercise my whole mission to stay the same weight...even though I was on a bicycle half my mission.
The poverty of missionaries is overstated and is part propaganda and folklore.
No doubt there are isolated cases and geographical variations in experience, but in most countries the missionaries have more than enough food...and the purpose of dining with local church members is explicitly to proposition them for referrals.

Missionary budgets since 1991 have been centralized and collectivized. Supporting families pay a standardized amount to the church now, and the church pays direct support of the missionary. Families used to send the money directly to the missionary. So, there used to be variation in support from home to the missionary, along with the variation in his/her own costs, that sometimes resulted in missionary poverty. But now there's a clerk in each mission office that dispenses support. Rent is paid directly to the landlord by the mission office. Each missionary gets a set allowance from the mission office for food, hygeine, clothing etc. It's a small allowance, so he/she has to be careful and might run out of money for a week now and then...but not often.

So, they don't NEED dinner.

AND, the psyche of a missionary is that EVERYONE is interested deep down and just don't know it yet. Just by TALKING to them you are expressing interest, and an opportunity for them to proposition you. They'll assume the spirit inspired you to serve them dinner. Even if you say you're uninterested they'll assume the spirit is softening your heart to the message. If they keep coming, it's because they think there's a chance.

If you convince them unequivocally that you're not interested, or if you pull some "anti" on them and try to "bash", they'll stop coming.

I think you'd be wasting your time on them.

It might not be poverty state-side but it is not that much either when you truely want nutritious food (It can become rapidily expensive) and it depends where in the States or Canada you are.
And it is more the fact that when you realy follow the rules there comes a time when you don't have the energy to prepare yourself some decent meals and sometimes there are long moments when there are no members that invite you over for meals.

As for if missionaries would accept such an invitation, like nickname mentionned it depends of the missionaries and their particular President's rules.

We were often told that we should not spend too much time with people not interested in learning about the church and becoming a member. I was happy when I would end up with a comp that didn't care about that rule and was always very desapointed when I ended up with comps that were too rule-abiding.

The food money allowance concerns me too. Do we have anyone with RECENT reports? Because last I heard here on the board, they are receiving $150/month for expenses. That would be food, toiletries, and all pocket money.
That doesn't go far for a growing boy. And these are growing boys, growing doesn't finish until mid-twenties. Well, shorties like me finish up a bit earlier...

And that will not buy a lot of GOOD food. It will buy plenty of filler and unhealthy food, but that's no foundation for the rest of their life, which these two of the final growing years are part of. The guys in my family have all come back very unhealthy. This could be an isolated experience, but I have a LOT of cousins.

Now part of that is of course that mom doesn't do a lot of preparing them, they don't seem to think of the mission, just the wife who will soon take over.


I wouldn't encourage them either, but in my experience, they aren't fed well with real food.
I hate to see them suffer, and yet I recoil from making their mission comfortable. That is a two edged sword, it will increase their sunk costs if they are a true believer, causing them to adhere more closely to all they have sacrificed for it. But yet if they are doubters, they may become disgusted with the org and walk away.

According to a sister misshies that served here (CA - San Diego) last year, their monthly allowance (rent/gas paid) was $147 per head.

I'm going to through my two cents in and vote no as well. I don't usually disagree with bc, but in this case I do.

When I was on my mission, you, as well meaning as you are, would have been seen as a potential convert. If we could just work on you long enough, we could get you to agree to be baptized.

Yes, you may have some missionaries that are burned out and would just like a night off, but I have a feeling that you would end up with more that would want to leave you a "message" that would try to slowly work you into taking the full discussions and being baptized.

My mission president also had rules against this kind of thing. If we were meeting with a non-member who, after x period of time showed no actual interest in joining the church, we were to drop them in favor of trying to make contact with people who would potentially join.

As for contacting the local ward to let them know you are willing to feed the missionaries, I'm against that too. It may sound cynical, but I think you're opening yourself up for a world of hurt as far as being contacted and targeted for conversion.

The Mormon church is about conversion, it is about growing numbers to get new tithe payers. You might be able to pull off a humanitarian effort for a while, but it won't last long and it usually don't end well.

You sound like a very nice person and I do understand your concern for these young men. Remember that they chose to do this (I did myself). They will not starve. Having a rough mission is part of what helps so many of them leave the church, because they realize that the church is using them.

Also, helping them means that you are helping the church. I know that sounds rough, maybe even mean, but I can not in good conscience help the LDS organization in any way shape or form, everything it stands for is all but evil. It is discriminatory, it treats women like 2nd class citizens, it takes money from the poorest of it's members, it breeds guilt and destroys families. No, I can't support any part of it.

I think your efforts and your charity could do so much more good elsewhere.

It sounds like it varies mission to mission. We didn't starve in ours but that's because there were a lot of Mormons in our area who fed us.

Part of the problem with missionaries not eating right is because many of them spend money on things they aren't supposed to. In my mission the guys loved to get the best mountain bikes out there and pimp them out. They would do this by buying really cheap food like ramen or pb&j. The girls would spend all their money shopping for clothes they don't need. They are young and that was their priority. Many times its their own fault/choice. Nonetheless their budgets are very small.

I think you should hope that you don't get sister missionaries. Seems to me they're more likely to interpret any sort of generosity shown to them by non-mo's as a sign that you're 'searching for (their) god', even tho you might not know it. Sister missionaries tend to be afflicted with the 'save the world' mentality and with the belief that they're responsible for all seeking souls that they come into contact with.... even if the 'seeking souls' proclaim that they aren't seeking what the misshies are offering. :oP Elders are much easier to be on the 'just come over for meal and non-religious-business' term with. Sisters? You'll need a lot of good luck.

PS: I absolutely agree with Finally Free about not letting the local ward (or the misshies themselves) know your contact info. Mormon missionaries have no regard for privacy, whatsoever. Your info will get passed around. If you run into a pair of misshies and want to feed them, go for it, but don't go looking for trouble by calling their ward to express interest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 03:38PM by smorg.

Firstly, the level of starvation varies widely from mission to mission. I know of many Elders that complained about having too much food, and people wanting to feed them. I was on the other end of the spectrum, because the dollar fell drastically against the Chilean peso, and they never adjusted the amount of dollars we were receiving.

Also, many missions have rules about whether or not missionaries are even allowed to eat in people's homes (we weren't for a long time, and then they said we could do it on Sunday).

Many missionaries would be open to what you are suggesting, and many missionaries would feel relieved to not have to keep campaigning for the lord. But, many missionaries (I was one of them) would not accept such a proposal. I never talked to anyone without either trying to convert them, or planning a long-term relationship that would culminate in my trying to convert them.

I vote yes-by and large,most missionaries don't want to be there. They hate knocking on doors, they hate talking about their church 24-7. I went to germany, and i enjoyed just visiting with people, even if we didn't teach anything about the church. Its the leaders that pressure the missionaries to teach the discussions. When they don't have anything else to do, its not a waste of their time if you are not talking about religion.

On my mission it was frowned upon to spend any time that wasn't productive proselyting time, including dinners. If it was clear that a person wasn't willing to progress through an investigation of the church, we were encouraged to stop visiting them and find someone else who was.

I typically thumbed my nose as such attitudes, but not all missionaries were like me. You'll find hit-or-miss attitudes from your local missionaries.

....there are no Mormon missionaries who are starving. Stories that say otherwise are urban legends designed to inspire the faithful.

That's not accurate.

I went on my mission with $10k in the bank. So I knew I couldn't spend ANY of my money, or I would run out of money to pay for my mission. So I couldn't supplement my food intake with my personal money.

When I got to Chile, the peso gained on the dollar almost 100%.
Mission funds were also diverted to a catering service to provide us lunch.

The lunches were very small, and often poisoned us (adding to my lack of nutrition).

Almost all of our money was pre-allocated, so we couldn't waste it. So we only got money for transportation, household items, etc...

Because of the dollar weakening against the peso, I used ALL of my money nearly all of the time to pay for transportation.

I was crazy hungry, and was walking many many miles each day.
I wasn't allowed to eat in people's homes.

While the word "starving" might be an exaggeration, that was largely because on Sundays I would gorge on whatever the members would give me.

It sounds like you served stateside.

In Italy we would get invited in for meals roughly once or twice a month, which meant all other food had to come from our meager stipends. I ate many meals that consisted of nothing more than cooked pasta noodles with some plain oil for sauce and chopped garlic for flavor. I served with one missionary who had become quite malnourished after a month of only that. We also usually only ate one meal per day, since that was all we could afford, though sometimes we'd have a cheap snack in the evening after coming home.

Then I was transfered to an area that included an American Air Force base, and we were being fed 6+ meals per WEEK. I was saving so much money on food that I would use my stipend to buy stuff to make nice full dinners, and we would even eat out from time to time. I began eating 2-3 meals per day, and good ones at that. It was seriously night and day. I figured if that's what missions in the states were like, they were nothing like mine.

I wished I could have stayed in that area forever, but alas transfers are inevitable.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2013 05:08PM by kimball.

It was very common for us to just eat bread. You could get the few-days-old bread really cheap.

My lowest moment was early on when I ate a bag of mayonaise because it was the only food in the apartment, and I'd spent my last peso riding the bus to and from zone conference where Jeff Holland spoke & gave his famous "work yourself nigh unto death and go home on a stretcher at the end of these 2 years" speech.

Things have changed a lot since my missionary days. I know my senior companion would not have let us go to anyone's house unless they were serious investigators. If you just want the non-serious missionaries to come to dinner it might be difficult to separate them from more serious companions. You could simply invite them to dinner and label it a charitable invitation without strings. If they try to make it a teaching appointment then you could just listen for a few polite moments and change the subject or let them know that you have already studied Mormonism extensively and you simply wanted to extend a hand of friendship and see if they could accept it in a humble manner. I too, feel for the poor missionaries who are starving not just for nourishment but for a warm and inviting family atmosphere. I particularly enjoyed going to older, single members' homes because they usually liked the company and just enjoyed having young people around and didn't talk church talk. It always felt warm and homey with them.

Good for you having such compassion. It might be the best thing that ever happens to them as missionaries.

I was in Japan, we very rarely got fed by the members, and those who did had experience stateside.

It just wasn't part of the Japanese member culture. Instead, every fast Sunday they would put out a cardboard box, referred to as the
"fruit basket" which members would deposit grocery items into.

Sadly, the most common two items were spaghetti and flour. You never got spaghetti sauce, just spaghetti, and no Elder knew what to do with flour (except me, I ate a lot of homemade pizza).

One area I was in was Kagoshima, known long ago as Satsuma. It's where Satsuma (aka Mandarin) oranges came from, and it was really common to go to a U-Pick orange place on a picnic. For an extra $5 you got a 10lb bag you could fill with oranges and take home with you. Well, a *lot* of members thought it was a good idea to get and extra bag and drop it by the Elder's apartment.

We had bags and bags of oranges rotting in our kitchen.

Mormons let missionaries live in poverty as a comeon for kind people like you who will pay for what they could be doing for themselves. Sympathy breeds kindness and possible interest in the mormon church which might lead to new converts. That's mormon thinking.

I'm seeing a lot of good points on both sides here (really, thank you, I like the discussion), so replying to just one person wouldn't cover my entire response.

Our still-Mormon extended family did continue to give them our address, and, we did grow up in a heavily Mormon town, so I got used to them stopping by once a week. Though, due to my family's feelings on Mormons, we were forbidden to let them in the house, even if we felt bad for them.

Amusingly, a male roommate of mine, years ago, when I lived down the road from the Los Angeles temple (literally, you could see it from our apartment), somehow got on their list. So they kept sending college-aged girls (in pairs) to come talk to him, and to take him to church. Being a single man in his mid-40's, well, he loved the heck out of that. When they discovered that a girl in her mid-20's lived there (me), they started sending fancy young men over to accompany the girls, or sometimes they'd just show up on their own, wait for me to get home, and just ask to help around the house. They would offer to help with house chores and carrying groceries. This was in a particularly wealthy area, and those missionaries were very well-fed. You could tell just by looking at them.

Now, I live across the country (opposite end), still in a wealthy area, but the missionaries I see around here are extremely thin and don't look like they eat well (I have a medical condition that depends heavily on good nutrition, so I've learned to spot the signs), at all. It may be that it's so expensive to live here that they don't have enough time or money to eat good food.

Personally, I would never bash their religion, if they were to eat here. Respect for others' beliefs, even if we think they're weird or ridiculous, is a part of my own faith. So, they'd never experience that from my end.

I can see from a lot of the responses that some of the missionaries will take my desire to feed them as some sort of "inner sign" that I'm interested in joining the LDS though, of course, I'm absolutely not. And I would not want to be thought of as some sort of sign that they are doing what they should be, because strangers are willing to feed them. But, for me, that would be a bad reason to avoid feeding them and inviting them in.

It seems like, while it may not be a good idea to call the local ward and make myself known, if they show up on my doorstep unannounced, I will probably, at that point, offer dinner and a "night off," as it were. I don't mind becoming known as the house where they don't have to work. It'll probably get my name onto a list anyway at some point, but my rules are quite clear: eat, get good nutrition, and let's not try to convert each other. As my fellow ADF-er here will tell you, Druids absolutely do not seek converts, so there's no threat of that on my end.

However, if even one young man comes back from his mission and says to himself, "gee, there are genuinely good people in the world, who aren't and who will never be Mormon," that's not such a bad thing. Having known many Mormons who truly believed that you couldn't be good unless you were one, well, that's a bonus in my book.

"As my fellow ADF-er here will tell you, Druids absolutely do not seek converts, so there's no threat of that on my end."

Yes, I will tell you that. Druids do not seek converts. We will teach anyone who asks, and welcome any who want to be among us, but we never go out and try to bring people into our religion.

Funny, you didn't look druish. ;)

Hee hee

"Funny, you didn't look druish. ;)"

You've never seen me; I actually DO look druish. <g>

One thing I always find interesting about how people view genuine generosity is that they think that there MUST be something behind it. We're druids, so, we MUST be seeking to convert them to our ways.

It's very hard for many to grasp that many of us simply cannot stand idly by while a person is suffering, for no reason other than this person is a fellow human.

Whoa . . .

Your're a chick? If you are single, you cannot host the male missionaries in your home alone. You'd have to have a man at the house in order for the mishies to come inside for dinner.

This "sisters" would be fine, however.

;o)

Yes, I know, as a girl, I cannot host men by myself.

Yes, chick. No, not single.

My partner, however, isn't typically interested in this sort of thing. He hides in his basement when he's not at work.

Sisters or brothers, I don't mind. As long as I don't see skinny, hungry missionaries wandering around the neighborhood and do nothing about it.

No one answers phones at local wards unless there are scheduled activies happening. You'd need to call at meeting time or phone the bishop or mission president at their homes.

I am sure any missionaries would be glad to have dinner with you, especially if you are at least willing to discuss religion. If they are anything like I was they believe they have special powers and you will feel the spirit while talking to them. They will of course hope the spirit will be so strong you will want to get baptized but at a minimum they will see it as planting a seed in your heart which will someday perhaps grow into a tree. Whether they come over often will depend on the type of missionaries and the area. If they are hard workers and have a lot of work to do they probably won't come around very often once they realize you are serious about not converting. If they are hard workers but the work is really difficult and slow in your area they might come by more often just as a break from the endless rejection. Especially in the smaller towns in the European mission I served in there were always a couple friends of the missionaries who we would visit maybe once a week. Then there may be some missionaries who don't really want to be on a mission and they will come over to your house all the time and won't even bother trying to talk about religion with you anymore.

I would suggest helping some unwed mothers or children in your community. They often don't have ANY support and need it. The missionaries are pawns in a mega corp. and don't need your support.

You state that a single "chick" cannot host the missionaries alone.
I have recently become active again after many years of being inactive. Our Ward/Stake has had 2 male missionaries, and has now added 2 female, for a total of 4. I just received an email notice from the ward asking for host families for meals, and that very subject was noted at the bottom. So it brought up questions in my mind--that's why I'm here looking for answers. Thank You.
The notation at the bottom of this email is "There are some restrictions for single sisters who may not host the missionaries by themselves alone, but a group them may do so". So now - My question -- it states "single sisters" but does not mention "single brothers". So if a single male wants to host the 2 female missionaries for a meal??? Why is it only stated one direction.
As you can imagine -- my mind came up with all kinds of thoughts on this one -- some logical and some so sarcastic---
Can someone explain this to me please?

Whoever was typing it probably just wasn't thinking. It goes for guys too. Single dudes can't host female mishies, and single ladies can't host male mishies. Their leaders have absolutely zero trust that any of their followers have the slightest ability to keep it in their pants. In the Morg leadership's mind, as soon as one or two unmarried men is alone with one or two unmarried women, sex MUST BE happening!!!

Thank you for the quick response nickname. Glad to see they apply it in both directions, although I think assuming one's guilt before the fact is a bit excessive.