Posted by:
msmom
(
)
Date: March 17, 2013 07:19PM
It was lovely, of course. When a person who gave so much of himself to so many is gone naturally a memorial will be filled with love. Although none of us wanted to be there. We wanted Kerry and Olivier to grow very old together. We did not want to see Olivier so sad.
Olivier had put together a screen showing a photo montage of a lot of Kerry’s artwork as well as pictures of the two of them together and pictures from Kerry’s childhood and youth. Even a picture from his mission.
Also, his oil paintings, “Qu##r Widow” and “What is your fear?” were on display as well. I met neighbors, and Olivier’s work colleagues and friends. Many members of Kerry’s graduating class from Harvard were there. A woman he had known in SanFrancisco, who now lives with her partner in Brooklyn came up. A former classmate came from New Jersey as well.
Kerry’s sister from New Mexico was there. It was good to meet her and get the inside scoop on the airline industry. She is retired from United.
Upstairs and downstairs neighbors, Joy and Mary were there. I remember how happy Kerry was when he first moved in to have found such nice neighbors.
I was amazed to learn that almost everyone in attendance had read all our posts on RFM. They had googled Kerry and that is what came up.
I was able to tell our story with everyone I met as we each asked each other how we know Kerry and / or Olivier. I explained that I had met Kerry at an on line forum when he was living in San Francisco. When I learned that he was moving to the Boston area, I offered him a room at our house to use while house hunting and that is how we met. Everyone agreed that Kerry was the kind of man you could meet on the internet and be delighted to learn he would accept an invitation to stay at your house without ever having met.
When they asked on which forum I met him they all said they had read it. “Someone posted about his death right after it happened,” they said. I told them that I was the msmom who had posted the sad news. They were deeply touched by your outpourings to someone so few had actually met.
We first became friends with Kerry and then with Olivier when he relocated as well. They came for dinner with our family and to parties with our neighbors and extended family. They were one of the couples we always looked forward to seeing. They (and some other gay friends) were among the first people we contacted when youngest son decided to come out of the closet. What lovely adult role models for a young gay man to have had as part of the backdrop of his parents’ friends.
After the memorial, Doug (aka drdad) and I joined Olivier, his sister and some neighbors and old friends and former classmates at Frank’s Steak House. I was talking with his student friend and her fiancé who had come from New Jersey. They had not organized lodging for themselves and were not looking forward to a long drive back after a rather exhausting afternoon.
They had already heard how I met Kerry. So I explained that I really am the sort of person who invited people she had met on the internet to spend the night. So I invited them to our house. They offered to hop on the internet and make it official, but I said they could come over anyway. Others could offer couches – we could offer a guest room with double bed and a bathroom no one else was using at the moment. So we had overnight guests as in the room Kerry used, with the bedspread I bought before he came because the former one was getting raggedy.
I laughed to myself that, as an active mormon I guess I would not have offered an unmarried couple a double bed! (And, as I warned them, it is just a double - full size, not even queen so they would need to snuggle close!)
I had everyone present at Frank’s give me their email addresses and I have invited them all to a barbecue at our house on June 30 (Kerry’s 54th birthday).
Olivier is going to San Francisco in two weeks for another memorial. I asked if it was ok to post that in this forum. He was not sure who would want to come. I thought, well everyone on the board really, but I would say, if you know Olivier, check with him about details. He did say he would be in touch with someone who had emailed him and sent something in the mail. I think that would be Mujun.
I have been posting here since 2000. At first it seemed like “my imaginary friends” were talking back to me. The handles we use and the anonymity of the forum made me feel that way. But we are a beloved community. Thank you all for being real. (And seriously – let me know if you need a place to stay if you are visiting the Boston area!)
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2013 07:37PM by msmom.