I'm feeling frustrated and I just want to whine a little bit. I married in school, had kids in school. Pressured there by the church. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't even know what to really look for in a mate except that she was LDS. I learned to gloss over differences because they weren't important, what really matters is that she read her scriptures. Fast forward to today, i'm out she's in. We're very different people, i'm active and adventurous, she's safety and security oriented. If I could go back knowing what I know now I would have waited a few more years to actually get to know myself (which happened when I finally let go of trying to "be" the right person for the church) and I can confidently say what "I" really want. Now I have a few kids, I love my wife, and sometimes I just get frustrated that she feels like a ball and chain sometimes (only because I want to explore and she just says no because it's easier and safer). I'm not talking about drinking and smoking, i'm talking about taking an extra 20 minutes on the way home from work to go look at something, or let my daughter go out and play while I grab something and go out after her. She's very over protective must have eyes on at all times and the like.

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with her, there's nothing wrong with me. We just tend to have different viewpoints on life and it happens to be clashing right now. I sometimes feel pretty alone because I can't talk to anybody that really understands where I am at and I also don't like to talk about my wife to other people because I don't want to reinforce walls that I put up, I would rather work things through with her. I'll never be able to tell her or my friends or family that I might be happier having married somebody else. I'm not interested in looking for a divorce though, as I do really love her and my kids. So I am venting on an anonymous internet board.

Yes, I can relate to you wife. SOmeone once pointed out to me here at RfM that I possibly didn't have enough control in my life. I was living in fear and afraid of everything happening to me and my family. It seems ridiculous now, but what do you expect when you are told how to dress, how to spend you time, what to eat and drink and what makes you a good parents in the eyes of the church and god. It's messed up!! I had the hardest time making the simplest of decisions when I left the church. I still have issues obviously but I think once you recognize it then it's easier to fix.

Also, you being out is something she can't control! So maybe she feels she has to do double duty! ANd over time to keep everyone on the straight and narrow. It's a burden she's taken on and doesn't even realize, maybe.

Nothing sets me off like my husband minimizing the situation when I do over react or start making unreasonable rules or restrictions on my kids. What helps is him asking me very direct questions about what I'm feeling and why. I wouldn't just ignore it or make light of it but help her talk through it. It helps to see sometimes how unreasonable our minds can be and why.

IF you can't whine and rant on this board then I don't know where you can!!

Good Luck!! And keep trying!