We've been talking a lot about gender roles, employment, how couples interact in their homes, and I started wondering how many women have more education and earning power than their SOs and if it's a problem in their relationships.

(Sorry my question is straight biased -- I'm not sure how to pose the question to our GLBT members -- help me out?)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/24/2013 03:45AM by Beth.

I bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. Both me and my SO are in school so we're both broke as a joke. When I graduate, I will make more though. I can't wait for that day. :)

Today is one crazy trip down memory lane!

Good for the two of you!

I was just trying to remember the whole thing but I couldn't. I need to look it up on youtube.

I can bring home the bacon
Fry it up in a pan
And never ever let you forget you're a man
Cuz I'm a woman!

Anjouli <-- I think

A bit sexist but funny for the time.

yes, was that perfume or WTF? It was totally sexist. Make your own dinner @sshole lol j/k

...and she'll tell two friends, and she'll tell two friends, and so on and so on.

So many commercials from that time popped into my head as I read your and Tupperwhere's posts. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. ;-)

Oh, and the teeth-licking toothpaste accompanied by the licking-my-own-teeth-is-so-pleasurable sounds. Was that Pepsodent?

Tupperwhere, what are you studying out of curiosity? My ex-husband actually wanted to help me earn more money so that he could quit his job and dink around. Yeah, I wasn't sticking around for that...

I'm in school to be an Occupational Therapist. I remember the plop plop fizz fizz commercial. Another one of my favs is "Ancient Chinese secret"

Unfortunately, some LDS women have been socialized/indoctrinated to the 'Walking Wallet/Peter Priesthood' expectation that they can't deal with anything else.

if all isn't 'Perfect' in the marriage, the POWER & Choices that income provides to a women are sometimes the 'gateway drugs' to bye-bye Husband land; no one knows how many could have been saved if a few things were different / differently approached & resolved; $ is definately part of the picture.

I've never had that "problem" in my marriage, but I do know couples in which the woman earns more. It's generally not a problem unless the couple--or interfering relatives--have sexist gender role expectations.

I know one couple in which the wife had a job with health benefits and the husband didn't, so they decided he would quit work and be the primary caretaker of their infant daughter. He was an amazing dad, and as she grew up, he spent a lot of time teaching her. His mother-in-law once boasted to me that she could write her name, say the alphabet, etc., etc., while only two, and gave dad credit for teaching her--but the same woman was bitching him out the day before because, "He should be supporting his family instead of my daughter doing it." Make up your mind, lady. Either he's an amazing stay-at-home parent or a freeloader, not both.

My mom works in a public school, and she says that situation is becoming the norm. Many of the teachers in her school are women of childbearing age (that translates to late 20's and early 30's outside the Morridor). The teachers generally have better financial incentives to keep working (health insurance, earning toward a pension, etc.) than their husbands. Moms keep working, and the dads care for the kids.

My mom earns more than my dad, and it's not an issue--now. When he sold his business, he was too young to retire, but too old to easily get a job. He floundered for a while. While he was not working, tensions got very high between my parents. She said to me that she didn't care if he got a job at McDonald's as long he was doing *something* and bringing *some* money in. Sure enough, he did eventually get a job that was a real step down for him (but not fast food), but as soon as he did, the tension and fighting stopped.

My sister is a bank manager, her husband is a humble factory worker. They have been happily married for 20 years and together for 25 years.

I'm also much richer than my husband (same-sex marriage) but no problems there either, since we are both fairly frugal.

In most gay relationships, however, the richer partner seems to be dominant, while in lesbian relationships, this is much less the case. I have this from a serious article based on scientific research. Don't remember any other details.

It was the case for some high-earning friends of mine. It caused problems for the husband early on (it was hard on his ego,) but he got used to it. Extra money is a great consolation. They later divorced for other reasons.

I do, and it's not a problem. As long as he's doing his part, I'm happy.

I also make more money than my husband, but it has never been an issue with us. All the money goes to the same bank account and we make sure we make all the financial decisions together.

My husband is better educated than I am but I make more money this is the primary reason he stays home with the kid instead of me. It's not a problem for us because we've always seen all the money that comes in as our money. We share responsibilities with the money and around the house without regard to the traditional roles. In fact it's been a joke between us that we are more likely to go opposite the traditional gender roles. I gave an elderly neighbor reason to pause once when I was out in the yard doing some heavy lifting. He asked where my husband was and I said in the house baking bread. He really was! The neighbor didn't know what to say. My feeling is that if the wife's earning ability is an issue the are likely other underlying issues that are the true cause of discontent.

I'm put in mind of the Bunker's neighbors, the Lorenzos, on "All in the Family". Irene Lorenzo drove a forklift on the docks; her husband, Frank, was a wonderful cook. Archie Bunker found it quite confusing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e28bA6wEhls

Thanks to bad advice from our tax accountant, we filed married-but-separate returns the first year. That meant the IRS totaled our income and divided by two. She suddenly owed less tax -- getting a big refund -- and I suddenly owed a huge pile more. She couldn't understand that my debt was because I was paying taxes on part of her income. I thought it would be fair for her to help pay that. She didn't.

except for a few years, I've always earned more than DH. Not a problem for us but then, we're nevermo.

I may be unusual in that my mom was the main breadwinner when I was growing up in the 70's & 80's. My dad preferred to live off his SS disability check (he really wasn't disabled) than get a job. That caused a lot of resentment at home.

My wife makes more than me in our base salary, but majority of my salary is commission based, so adding in commissions I make more than she does.

I joke with her that we're only one bad year away from her being the breadwinner. We already use her state insurance (Teacher), which is far superior to what my company offers. I've never been in the position, but I'd like to think it wouldn't bother me. We're a team.

I have more education than my husband by quite a bit, but he makes more money working his factory line job.

He works six twelves, so its hard to beat haha. However my job supplies the awesome health benefits. So I'd say we equal out there.

We don't argue about who makes more, but he does insist on making hours an issue. It's caused a bit of a strain.

Equally educated but I am currently bringing home bigger paychecks.

It is not a problem for two reasons (probably more but these are the ones I think matter): first, we live beneath our means which helps both people feel like they are contributing equally (and we don't have expensive hobbies); second, money is a tool. That's it. Money is not a weapon, it isn't something to control the other person with, it isn't a judgement, money is just a tool to let us pay the bills and have happy times.

People I see in relationships where one person makes more money then the other or has more assets run into problems when they make it a demeaning issue (example: a married couple where the husband owns the house, the wife isn't on the mortgage or has a rental/living agreement in writing despite having a prenup where the husband's equity could have specifically protected). If you have conflicting priorities or can't understand the other person's financial style- problems again.

Money is a big aspect of any relationship, being on the same page about what it means and what it is used for and how it is used has negated any issues related to who is bringing in what kind of cash to the table.

My husband's from Afghanistan, and he's the oldest son, so he's expected to support his parents. We keep our money separate - he doesn't want to spend any of my money - and once he gets here and gets a job, he feels like it's his responsibility to provide the basics (mortgage, utilities, food etc.), and then send additional money to his family. He definitely wouldn't have a problem with it if I earned more than he did, but he feels that any money I earn is mine, not his.

My never-mo wife got a raise a couple days ago and now she makes more hourly than I do. I only have 2 words for that ... Suga Momma!! :-)

my wife has more much more formal education but I make significantly more than she does so its a bit of a wash. However I would be thrilled if she was making more than me. I never understand the concept that a woman should make less. Who cares, its family money, the better my wife does the better our whole family does. I wish she could make Oprah money :)

My SO makes more than I do, but I have more education. :)

when he married me--that I was making more money than he was, but I was the one to quit to raise the kids for a short period of time. I went out and looked for a job behind his back. He helped me get my job. I still earn more per hour than he does, but I don't work full time.

My boyfriend earns a lot more than I do, but we don't combine money. I am the one who refuses to.

My boss--company owner--is the only one working. Her husband, who has a master's degree--has raised the kids. They are all almost raised now. He gets a lot of sh*t from mormons over him being a stay at home dad.

My brother stayed home to raise his kids for a while after losing his job because his wife made enough to support them and he didn't want to get back into the grind. My mom went batshit about it on him though. He was bucking gods orders that a penis works and a vagina sits at home. I wanted to smack her.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/24/2013 06:04PM by jesuswantsme4asucker.

I wish my wife made more than me. She sure spends more, but to her raising our kids, even while they are in school most of the day and now are all teens, is more important that a full time job to help out around here. She could work if she wanted to, just doesn't want to as it cramps here schedule.

right behind never having sex and having nothing in common.

For a while I made more than my husband. Then we moved across the country, he got a huge promotion complete with bonus's and stocks.

I quit working when he made his previous pay plus 2x what I was making. He has great health insurance, even after he retires.
His job is extremely demanding. He needs someone to keep the home up and running. That would be me.

I'm more educated, but right now my husband makes more per hour. His is seasonal work, and if the company hires him full time he will make slightly less. I also supply the health insurance for myself and the four kids.