Since a few months I have been researching the church. And I keep finding lies and lies and lies over and over again. Almost daily tears are running down my face in disbelieve when I found out once again when I believe and what is the truth are 2 total different things. Mormonism did all my thinking for me. What now? So yesterday we paid our tithing money towards the principle of our house. It felt forbidden, but why? The cult already gets 7 billion per year und doesn't need our money. We have kids and they will need $$$ for their college funds. Oh well tonight when the kids are in bed I will go online again and once again find more things that I never wanted to know.
My husband keeps saying "it's philosophy of men mingled with scripture".

I just felt angry.

Angry at all the lies and deceipt. Angry at the lost years. Angry at the loss of freedom. Anger aboutvall the things I could have done, if it wasn't for the stupid cult

Aww sunbeam - you just dragged me back to how I felt almost 5 years ago when I first googled into the truth about the first vision story. I knew they were lying - the church leaders were actually lying to us. I had never considered the possibility before. The next day at church the Primary president (I was her 2nd counselor) told me I looked like I'd lost my best friend. I couldn't tell her what was bothering me, obviously. For months and months after that, I was up until 3:00 a.m. online, researching. I ordered tons of books that told the truth about Mormonism. I started posting on RfM, asking questions and making notes. I studied and studied. Everything I'd done - well, all my major life decisions - up to that point had been based on the firm belief Mormonism was telling the truth and the WHAM! I found conclusive proof, not just once but over and over again, that they were liars. I'm pretty tolerant but being lied to is one thing I can't put up with. It wasn't the weirdness of Mormonism that bothered me as much as the fact they were lying about it.

Still, based on my belief it was the truth I chose who my friends were in high school, where to go to college, what to major in, to give up my MA program for a mission, who I married, what my wedding was like, where I lived, chose not to develop much of a career because I was taught kids came first etc. Now our time and money is used to make our own decisions about our family. For example, we used our tithing money from the last few months to pay for our son to take a trip to South America with his HS Spanish department and other things that benefit us as a family rather than building another half-empty temple or lining the pocket of another construction company president whose grandpa is a GA.

When you start to see the blessings of not being LDS, you will begin to recover from the shock and sense of betrayal. You will be able to rebuild anything in your life that Mormonism broke. You will have more fun, more money, more connection with others and more confidence in yourself. It takes a while and studying like you are doing helps more than anything. Just being sure you are right helps you build a new and better foundation. Everyone here understands to post as often as you want and ask any question you have. People on this board are so smart - usually someone can point you in the direction to find the answers you need. Good luck. It gets better from here. :)

<<Hugs>> to you.

Some days are like that. Good for you for putting that money to something much more useful.

Philosophy mingled with scripture? Yeah, I agree with hubby: that's bad. You should completely drop the scripture and go with 100% philosophy. ;-)

Keep at it. Don't give up! Keep the faith. Er....keep the philosophy ("philosophy" = love of wisdom--it's funny how the cult thinks that's bad, of course, that tells us more about *them*, doesn't it?).

I remember the first month I stopped paying tithing. It felt odd, and those "am I going to lose blessings" doubts were there. They didn't last long. Now, I see the church for the money-acquiring business that it is.

I have a lot of TBM family, and when they ask me about what I think about the church, I tell them, "hey, if it floats your boat, then participate. But stop giving them your money; you need it more than they do. Then see what happens."

Think of all the mormons that should have put that 10% into an interest-earning retirement account instead of tithing throughout their lives. That time-value is astounding.

The church is a parasite.

I've known the truth only 9 months. I was like you a while back, just overwhelmed and sad that I believed it all. I'm now at the point of indignation and anger when I run across something I didn't know. The articles on marriage was a huge one that I just stumbled on. It's crazy making! If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream. There's no one right or wrong way to leave the church, grieve, and recover, and it can take some time.

Some people just move on, some, like me, feel compelled to fight. I'm writing, blogging, and doing everything I can to spread truth as far and wide as possible.

I can assure you it gets better. In fact, you're already a winner with a husband who's on your team (at least that's my impression from your post).

You will grieve, you will get mad as all heck, you will lust for revenge on the MoLeaders in some way or form, you will desire to be an activist and go online and try to save other family members and friends and you may also be disappointed that they don't want to be saved. But in the end you will feel relieved, joyful, triumphant even that you have outwitted the mind monster that is the Mo cult. You are already richer by 10% and have full control over where you spend your time and energy.

We usually end our RfM testimonies in the name of cheese and rice. But that revelation usually changes. Hope you're smiling now.

Good for you, paying off your house is more important than paying a cult.

But be prepared for the local leaders to come around and bug you because you stopped paying tithes.

The morg acts like they have a right to your money and to your free work.

The Book of Mormon is fiction, DNA has already shown that there never were any Nephites or Lamanites.
The morg is fleecing the members and demanding Obedience in the name of a fraud.

Hey, subeam! I am sorry about your sadness regarding LD$ truths! I feel sad, too, at times. I never felt anger, but more relief. I had so many questions and doubts, but they were a taboo topic. I thought I must be the only person with these feelings and that was very frustrating. Now I am relieved that I don't have to deal with the mental conflict (and a lot of other STUFF) anymore.

I mentioned "cafeteria style" choosing of one's beliefs. I hold on to many LDS beliefs. I am still a Christian, tho a very liberal one. I feel that other faiths have God manifest in them as well. In Buddhism one is encouraged to hold to a belief as long as it serves, and to let go of it when it no longer does. My hope for you is that you can let go, without (too much) pain, of the things that upset you, and feel free to hold on to those that comfort you and you feel are good. Enjoy your enlightenment - you are on your way to a truer, lighter, freer life.