Freaking Joseph Smith is ruining my life!!!!!!! If there was one person I would allow myself to hate, it would be him.

I feel so alone right now. I can feel the mounting pressure from TMB's that have yet to come. My good friend who I "brought down with me" hasnt attended church in a couple months and today 3 sister missionaries showed up at her door, a little bit later the bishop and counselor. I was fully expecting them to come to my house next but maybe since I already spoke to him last week that he didnt. I did have a call from the clerk though, probably wants to set up another meeting. I did accidentally slip about being on this website when meeting with him last week. Can a person get excommunicated for that? Why is it such a bad thing anyway? I mean, in my view it would be the easy way out. I wouldnt have to make that horrible decision to take my name off the records. Is there more to it than that? Its not like Im going to want to join the church again in 5 years.
I feel like Im the one who is being bad, committing a crime of some sort, rebelling, etc. I know that Im not but it feels that way. I talk about wanting to drink and although I havent in a super long time and even some exmo people who obviously dont believe in the WoW to be of God, obviously, still advocate it ...those people make me feel like Im wanting something that is bad and wrong and that its wrong for me to want such things.
Then from another exmo (no one on here), saying its a good idea of my husbands that we raise our kids in it because its no different than any other church since none of them are true. Do I dare open that can of worms right now? First of all, I dont agree with the other churches on a lot of things, and most dont claim to have the restored gospel. They havent tore out my soul and shredded the core of it to peices. I would walk into another church without any kind of pain that they have caused. Whereas, tscc, would have to pretending that Im OK with all the deception and twisted stories and right out giant lies! Right to my face while Im holding the dang proof against it all in my hand, then slowly put it back in my pocket where it can burn a hole in my leg where I will die a slow and painful death probably from some infection that will spread through my blood into my brain causing me to go crazy and scream at the world for making me feel that I shoudl continue to take it up the you know what because tscc has "good morals" to teach my children, where I can find it somewhere else, or teach them myself!!! I am not an idiot. I have a brain!! I like using my brain! I will not hand it over to be turned back into cult loving moldable clay, where Im told that thinking for myself on these issues is WRONG!
Im going to stop there. This is so ranty.

I thank my husband for lovingly bringing me a box of chocolates two nights ago when I I was doubting his love for me. They are coming in handy. :D

Hang in there, weepingwillow. You have made huge progress in a very short time, like climbing Mt. Everest. Don't push yourself back to the bottom of the hill -- or let anyone else knock you down.

You know what you know. You can't unring the bell. Trying to force yourself back into that suffocating little black box would only be untrue to you and your integrity. Don't go there.

That said, maybe it could help to think about less-stressful things for a few days. If the ward or stake people start bothering you, tell them you're busy planting your garden or rebuilding your transmission or learning ballet or whatever, and you really don't have time to discuss anything with them at the moment. Smile politely, thank them for their concern, shut the door or hang up the phone, and go do something else that takes your mind off them.

Getting out of TSCC physically and emotionally (and mentally) is a process (longer and more convoluted for some than others). Most of us have been in that phase of raw shock when we can hardly think about anything else -- but you have to (for your own sanity, at the least). It'll all still be there when you come back.

You are not bad for wanting to try new things, like hanging out on RfM or tasting beer, for example. (Doing both at the same time is kind of fun). You are under no obligation to let anyone else decide what you "should" do or pass moral judgment on you, and you are certainly under no obligation to endure scrutiny, answer questions, meet with leaders, or anything else.

I've gotten very good at answers like, "My spiritual life is a very private thing for me, and I don't feel comfortable discussing it. Thanks for your concern."

If they keep pressing you after that, they are overstepping boundaries and you can end the conversation right there.

Good for you for wanting to raise your children to think for themselves and choose wisely, instead of teaching them to be brain-dead and let others control them! Many of us on this board are proof that your kids can turn out to be moral, caring, successful individuals w/o any kind of church.

One of the hardest things to overcome when leaving Mormonism is the feeling we should be ashamed/feel bad/feel guilty when we do things Mormons won't do. Today (Sunday) we went out to lunch and I had a coffee. But if my LDS neighbor had asked where I was, I'm not sure I could have told her "at a restaurant" without feeling completely OK with that. I obviously don't feel bad about doing non-LDS things but for some reason I feel like I can't talk calmly about it, like I would have if my Lutheran neighbor had asked what I did. I know the reaction I'm going to get from my Mormon friends and I just don't want to take their crap so I waffle around the subject. I think they'd lose their power to a large extent if exmos could live their lives as non-Mormons without cringing. If we gave no power to their disapproval. But it's so very, very hard.

It took me forever to actually do this so I feel like a hypocrite mentioning this but 1) limit your time with Mormons 2) hang on to your non-LDS friends. Number two is a big one because they will be surprisingly supportive of your getting away from those weird Mormons and surprisingly patient with your questions about how to use a coffee maker or the proper proportions for a Rum and Coke. If you don't have non-LDS friends, try to make some or make some exmo friends. You need someone holding on to you when you are tired of holding on. It's also OK to do something for yourself like take a nap, go for a massage, take a meditation course, get a pedicure. Something where you can just zone out and de-stress. Leaving the church is stressful - good but stressful. Make a point to do something nice for yourself (that chocolate is a good start).

Hang in there. I still wish the church was true and try to find excuses for everything that I find. Polyandry well it sucks for the husband who serves a mission but at least the wife got some action lol but wait she had to wait her turn as there were 32 other wives to attend their needs. But maybe when her first husband came home from his mission she has learned some moves lol so it really IS a blessing to him because she has learned from one experienced man. But what an STD risk it is! So let's say JS rotates in a timely manner one wife per night that means to poor wives only gets it every 33 days. What the heck? There must be some wives who found some joys on the side oh do I really want to know and start googling
JS wives cheating on him lol.
Sorry about your friend getting 3 missionaries showed at her.

You've dealt with a lot very quickly and are doing a great job on how you are approaching it. It's not surprise you are getting a bit worn.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/21/2013 11:47PM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

Hang in there. You should go to other churches to see what the feeling is that you get there. You may be quite surprised. You would not find many that are arrogant and bossy and have a list of rules you must follow. You go or don't go and no one bothers you. YOU may make some new friends quickly.

And your comment that you want to allow your kids to think for themselves and not be brainwashed is admirable.They will thank you for it down the road. It is so sad that many women in Mormonism think that good morals are never taught in other families. They are so sheltered. If only they would open their eyes. So take care.

Are there any exmos nearby that could help you out?

my in laws. He is good to talk with. Its helpful talking to someone who is in the same boat. But it was with them I was talking about drinking. It may have just been my perception of the conversation or my shameful self for feeling bad about wanting to drink.

Keep in mind that even though they no longer believe they are still deeply affected by Mormon programming.

They have been told their entire lives that drinking is wrong and evil.

Drinking in an extreme is problematic. Alcoholism is real and can be very destructive. So in some sense their fear and concern is founded. However, that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with drinking in moderation.

What you wrote is exactly how I felt about continuing to attend TSCC "for the kids." I was BIC. I was torn at first because TSCC does make the system so easy for you to dump your kids into their programs and turn off your brain about what the kids are being taught. You assume it is all good, and it seems pretty harmless.

After realizing my whole life, whole foundation had been built on lies, my sense of self is completely shaken. How could I knowingly let my kids experience that?

It is so much easier to walk into other denominations who don't claim to be the "fully restored gospel." We enjoy a little short service every week, mostly out of habit of going to something spiritual on Sunday. The kids get a few minutes around other kids their ages and a short activity. The sermon is brief (although I admit I fall asleep sometimes now that the kids aren't constantly in the pew keeping me stressed about their behavior!!). So far it has been a win-win.

However, I have a hard time taking any other religions seriously right now. TSCC does such a good job discrediting everyone else, that it is hard to undo the brainwashing about other denominations. I don't see myself actively joining with another denomination any time in the near future. I like remaining anonymous for now.

What I do like about attending a local congregation is that it is very involved with our actual community. Its service projects are actually relevant to the needs of the community, and often engage a larger crowd than just their members. It's refreshing to feel a part of my community for a change, instead of always being with the "peculiar people" looking down on the community the way my wards tended to be here in the "mission field."

Just don't be afraid to go church hopping, if you want to find a better fit for your family. (I say that, but in reality it was a weird experience for me to walk into unfamiliar services as an adult and to feel so clueless about how things go).

If there's one person I'd like to see burn in hell it'd be Joseph Smith. Because of him so many families have broken up and has caused so much more hate than love in this world. He has forever changed the relationships between me, my family and my friends, and it will never be the same with most of them. You're probably going to continue to go through tough times like this for a while, but it will get better. Pretty cool that you were able to get through to your friend and husband though! I was able to get through to my wife, and that was it. Other friends I talked to either took offense or keep a distance from me.

If I were you, I'd continue to "go out with a bang" and drag as many out of the church with me that I could, and keep bringing up questions and truths about the church to your leaders. You're making an impression on more people than you know!

Go easy on yourself. You've been through a lot in a relatively short amount of time.

The guilt will hang on for a while, maybe a long while (I felt that as an ex-Catholic.) I think it's important to distinguish between productive guilt (that helps you to correct things that should be corrected,) and unproductive guilt (i.e., over what you wear, what you drink, and how you spend your Sundays.) Just ignore the unproductive guilt and proceed with whatever it is you want to do that is reasonable. In time the guilt will fade.