Alma 32:27 says: "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than a desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."
I remember that I was having a conversation with a TBM friend (that I love too much, but he is unfortunately blinded). I told him that I'm a nonbeliever.
Then he asked me: "But...do you WANT to believe?"
I explained that I want to believe in those things that are true, that I don't decide what the truth is, and that deciding what to believe before you even know the truth, is not wise, and it is self-delusion.
He got mad and told me: "I didn't ask that. I asked if you WANT to believe! Yes or no?"
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Is there any hope that I can talk about something rationally, when I'm talking to a mormon?
This scripture, coupled with Moroni 10:3-5, is the reason I finally went to the bishop and told him I didn't believe. For 20 years, yes, I "wanted to believe" and did everything within my power to receive a witness. And I never did. God apparently does not love me. Or he doesn't exist. Or Moroni was a liar. Or all of the above.
Oh, wait, scratch that. It was me. I was a sinner and didn't try hard enough for 20 years of fasting, praying, being over-the-top obedient, paying my dues (monetarily and emotionally and with time, attending the temple, studying *only* church-approved material, home teaching, etc., etc., etc. Yeah, my fault. Sorry to have bothered you.
Sure Xanax, if you ever did WANT to believe, tell them "Yes, I used to want to believe, and it never worked out. It's a lie."
I'm not sure how to count it - I discount the first 20 years of my life since I was ambivalent about the church. Went on a mission when I was 20. So that's my starting point when I *really* wanted to believe.
I would really like those 25 years back - I can think of a *lot* of other things do with that time!
I just decided what the heck was i on about saying i knew something based on a couple of warm feelings. I realized it was fear and guilt that i really believed in. i dont claim to know much of anything at this point. no one here not even the prophet can actually confirm anything. faith?? faith can never be truth because truth can be verified. the holy ghost is just another way of saying i can say what ever i want is true. whos gunna know?? thr really is nothing in the morman church that is any diff from any other church. the only thing that holds people anywhr is a feeling in thr hearts which are apparently evil and will lead us astray. its so backwards and confusing and our memories were wiped and we have to trust ourselves but only if it fits with church blah blah blah.....life must have a better purpose and explanation.
I tried and tried to believe. The truth refused to hide itself, no matter how much effort the church put into hiding it.
Truth just kept showing up to the party. The truth is so much more interesting and fascinating. It refuses to be hidden and slapped down. Even after generations of lies, here comes the truth.
Here a little, there a little, until it's showing itself to everyone. Even the ones who don't want to know. Truth has a tenacity that a lie can only hope to have.
You know, I actually read this Alma scripture in a slightly more positive light for the first time. Alma isn't actually saying to "JUST BELIEVE what I am saying" although TBM's interpret it this way, he is really just saying to try and be "open-minded" to the possibility of the message being true. This should be an approach for any topic in life since human beings tend to be biased and close minded and not entertain the notion that there might be something to what the other side is espousing (whether it be religion, politics, etc). People SHOULD be open minded enough to investigate the truth claims of other notions, but that doesn't mean we have to eventually accept it. We test it out and if it doesn't work in our minds, then we move on.
Unfortunately for Mormons most of us have already tried this and the truth claims of the LDS church claims have failed us, so there's really no point in forever testing out Alma's challenge.
But I wanted to. It was part of the blackmail conditions put upon me by my ex to retain my place in our (now non-existant) family (me, him and stepkids).
So, I tried to believe. I did what everyone from my generation does when they want to know more about something they know nothing about... I asked the google gods for information.
And the google gods gave me lots of pro lds literature, and lots of unbiased literature, and lots of anti literature.
And after about 30 minutes of reading I thought - did I miss something? this sounds like Bullsh**
after 3 hours of reading I thought - this must be a freaking joke, he can't believe this can he??
after 3 days I thought - Jeebus H Christ, I've got to find a way to free him and the kids from this bloodsucking, soul stealing rotting corpse of an organisation.
after 3 months I think - I am soooooo better off without someone who can believe this kind of crap! (he doesn't want to see the truth, and fair enough - his life)
Wanting to believe doesn't mean the truth goes away. and unfortunately Lying to yourself will always mean that at some stage you hurt others because you have to lie to them too in order to maintain your own skewed reality.
Good luck. If someone doesn't want to hear the truth, they won't.
I tried to believe, I tried so, so hard, over and over again. I really wanted it to be true, but no matter how hard I tried, it just didn't work, because it isn't true.
That is not something TBMS want to hear. I have had a couple of siblings LITERALLY put their hands over their ears and say , "la,la,la" as loudly as they could in order not to hear the explanations of why I had left the church. Explanations which they had ASKED FOR, by the way. The only reasons they wanted to hear were about my problems and sins though, nothing about the problems within the church.
I wish I could tell you to have hope that your friend will listen to reason, but, probably, he won't. It's sad and it's awful, but you cannot force people to face the truth, they have to come to it on their own. Some do, some never do. It's hard.
You can turn this question right around on him. Ask him, "If Mormonism isn't true, would you want to know?" Maybe it'll make him think.
I know when I left Mormonism I absolutely wanted it to be true. Part of me was very disappointed when I finally accepted the fact that it was false. Another part of me was terrified of what this would mean for my relationship with my family. Of course, another part of me was massively relieved!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2013 09:00PM by nickname.
I want to believe that sitting on the sofa, watching old Community re-runs and eating Froot Loops like popcorn while playing on the internet is good for me but that wouldn't make it so. I can want to believe it's a productive way to use my Sunday and will make me a thinner, happier, more successful person all day long but wanting it to be true will not make it so. Worst of all, my desire to believe would not protect me from the damage done by not eating healthy or exercising or not getting anything meaningful accomplished.
(BTW, in the spirit of full disclosure, I am, in fact, sitting on the sofa watching old Community re-runs and eating Froot Loops from a bag while playing on the internet but I don't believe it's true. :)
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2013 09:27PM by CA girl.