I'm an atheist, have been for years, and he knows it. But I've been thinking it may be time to officially withdraw my membership from the church.

My problem is I'm not sure how he'll react. It's one thing to not believe, it's another to put the nail in the coffin and say "I'm not a member of this church anymore," and take away whatever subconscious hope he has that I'll return. I'm already not nearly as close with him as I'd like to be, and I'm worried resignation will further that problem.



He was mostly inactive for about 20 years (mainly because he was disgusted with what he saw on his mission in Japan), then when we came back to Utah where his family lived, he instantly transformed into a completely different person. A self-righteous and disingenuous TBM who pushed me and my brother to get baptized (I was 14) despite my protestations of not being ready. I quickly saw through the church and was pretty much out completely a year later, at which point my relationship with my dad was strained.

A year after that he moved back to Indiana, and since then has softened to the point I'd almost consider him a NOM (he admits the Book of Mormon has major historical issues, but he still kind of believes it contains a real history, even if a flawed one). However, he still manages to get high and mighty about the temple and other issues, despite not being a strict literalist anymore.

I've talked to him about moral issues I have with Mormon scriptures, but I've never had the balls to bring up actual evidence I feel proves the church isn't true for fear it would anger him or he'd distance himself from me further.

I'm wondering if I should worry about conveying that information to him first, over time, and resign later? Or whether I should just rip off the band-aid, resign now, and hope he will still listen to me when I try to explain how I know the church isn't what it claims to be?


The other issue is while he's in town, he said he wants to discuss giving me some desperately needed financial help, since he knows I'm struggling. I'm wondering if now is really the best time to take care of this, or whether I should wait until I've got the money, and have had time to more leisurely discuss the issues with him.

The problem is I never get to see him in person, and I don't want to discuss these things over the phone. It may be another 6 months before he's in town again.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 05/03/2013 05:08PM by doubtisavirtue.

Some mormons feel it's their duty to inflict depravation on others that aren't living up to their standards. I don't know if your father's like that, but it is a common mormon thing to do.

They can't see why they should make life easier for someone not living the gospel. I would take that into consideration before saying anything. Another 6 month wait isn't that long in the big picture.

He knew I was an atheist. He knew I had no interest in returning to ANY church. But when I formally resigned it upset him for some strange reason I still don't understand. He was in trouble with the church when I was a teen and went to his Court of Love. They gave him the chance to accept their verbal smackdown, deny his "upsetting statements and activities", repent and seek their forgiveness. He refused and I'll always be proud of him for it. So why is he upset that I formally resigned? He did pretty much the same thing.

Good luck with it. I'd go ahead with it. There's no reason to keep secrets from our family. We haven't done anything shameful, I refuse to act like I have.

I'd probably not tell. How old is your Dad?

Are you going to church with him during his visit?

I'd just keep living and not say what you plan to do---at this time.

KJ/AnonyMs