If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body" before eating doughnuts...You might be a Mormon



Let's hear 'em

If you weigh 300lbs, but don't drink Coke for health reasons...

You might be a moron if: The most sacred thing you own is your underwear.

If the only thing more scary than Satan himself is the Internet...

If you have to tug at your pants near your knees every time you stand up.

If you spend your Saturday in preparation for Sunday.

If you worry about shopping at the neighborhood grocery store because your bishop or relief society president might see you buying mountain dew and spread gossip that you're straying.

You consider seeing your bishop at the grocery store on Sunday, as juicy gossip.

you can't drink ice tea because your religious health code forbids drinking hot drinks.

your mom is preggers at your wedding.

!!!!! Mother of the Bride Maternity dress !!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2013 03:55PM by crom.

You not sure why, but you afraid to go play pool, because it feels like sinning somehow.



Once on my mish, on p day, we stopped at a fast food joint to eat. The place had a pool table, and I wanted to play a game with my comp. She looked at me like she was scared and unsure of what to do. I tried to reassure her that it wzsnt against any rules, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Come on people. Lets just say I was a little irritated.

You avoid wearing name brand clothes so you don't appear too worldly

But you shop at the Great and Spacious Mall . . .

You won't buy a hot chocolate at Starbucks cause it will give the appearance of evil.

you're gullible.

As in those towers and high fences are to keep potential workers OUT of the Chinese factory.

You might be a Mormon, if you lurk at Exmormon.org.

You ever made a jacket to go over your daughter's prom dress.

you are afraid to buy gasoline on Sunday.

You think two men having sex is second only to murder.

The mother of the bride is pregnant at your wedding.

You don't drink IBC root beer from the brown bottle to avoid the appearance of evil.

Every time it rains, you thank God "for the moischer".

Your friends and family worship eighty year old men.

I hate Mormon conversations, the only thing they talk about are callings, leaders, and council. It's like their water-cooler talk.

You wear garments under your work out clothes at the gym.

You have photos of temples on your walls.
You watch BYU sports.
You distrust Democrats.

The quad you own has pages instead of tires.

You are seriously considering investing your retirement income in a MLM.

You go to great length to hide your porn, which is understandable, because it will be some of the most twisted, deviant porn out there.

You think non-Mormons spend significant amounts of time thinking about the Mormon church.

You know 27 ways to fix green Jell-O
You think oral sex is when they talk about sex.
Dining out is McDonalds.

your sons' names are Nephi and Hyrum and your daughters' names are Emma and Eliza.

When you hear someone say, "standard works", you know what their talking about.

When your husband points out all the sinners at the store on Sunday to your children, and you consider it good parenting.

When you can't remember your neighbors first name, because you only ever refer to them as brother or sister so and so.

You think the Garden of Eden was in Missouri.

You think iced tea is far worse for your health than Coke.

You think polygamy was legal in Illinois in the mid 1800's.

You believe Joseph and Emma's, to be a wonderful example of marriage.

You think that all the nice, clean, well run buildings owned by the church, are just more proof that the church is true.

a tiny piece of bread and a couple ounces of water can be used against you as a severe punishment.

...if your kids go most of their lives without dental care, but you are square on your tithes and offerings.

...as a kid you played strip poker with Rook cards.

So funny

you think a Jello shot is medical procedure.

buy Amway products from the bishop to clean the chapel.

you look for garment lines when you hug a friend.

you tell waiters that you 'don't drink coffee' instead of just saying 'no thanks.'

you can't say no to any calling.

you feel guilty for not praying.

you feel guilty for not reading your scriptures.

you feel guilty for having sex with your wife.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2013 05:11PM by sstone.