In a social gathering of fellow exmos, recently I was very disturbed to learn of an instance whereby a fellow local exmo (married male) made advances at another exmo woman (much younger and also married) at this gathering, both of whom their spouses were present. The proposition was essentially to swing, and while at first she was just trying to be polite, but was never leading or expressing interest, he pressed on, cornered her and made her feel extremely uncomfortable. To make things worse, the proposition included this guy's wife, you get the picture.

I'm leaving out some details to protect the anonymity of the individual, but needless to say, she was very distraught as this guy continued to persist at her throughout the night until she finally retreated to a bedroom with a friend until the party ended.

Years of mormon sexual repression, and finally a sense of liberty following an exit from TSCC when getting up there in age can in some cases, and in particular this one, be a recipe for disaster. Now this woman will pay an emotional price.

Aren't there swinging clubs for this? Seriously!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2013 12:15PM by Mormoney.

Why didn't she just say "I am not interested and would not care to discuss it further." Failing that, a firm "Buzz off!" works in a pinch.

There will always be cads in this world. A woman needs to know how to stand up to them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2013 01:30PM by wine country girl.

She did, eventually, but only after it went from fun and flirtatious to sexual harassment. At first, she had no idea what it would turn into.

The guy didn't take no for an answer and persisted. Even after physically running away, he still pursued her. No wonder she was so affected by it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2013 01:37PM by Mormoney.

No still means no.

Yeah but we all know how difficult it can be to just say no!Especially being raised in a culture that we don't want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings, or have them not like us or think less of us even though they may be taking advantage or even propositioning us. That has been a big down fall for me since leaving the sctt. It's one of those things I was taught as a child and it stuck with me and it's been very hard to change.

I would have at least told my husband though and he would have been able to take care of it. It's nice to have someone in your corner!

In the non-monogamous world (swinging...open marriage/open relationship...polyamory...etc., etc.) there is usually one rule that is virtually always in effect everywhere (certain BDSM relationships are the only exception I can think of, and these are actually quite rare):

The rule is: "No" means NO!...No further questions, no explanations required, just: "NO!" Period.

Anyone who violates this rule will immediately get kicked out of the social gathering, party, etc. because EVERYONE will back up the person who said "No."

It might be a great idea to get this rule more widely recognized in more "vanilla" settings. It is a very good rule, and it makes adult social life far easier for everyone.

Swinging is disgusting to me personally, but I'm willing to admit that if people want to do that, it's none of my business. They need to all be consenting adults, though. CONSENTING is just as important a qualifier as ADULT. Any man who keeps after a woman when she indicates it's unwelcome, whether he's married or not needs to back the f off. That's just being a douche.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/15/2013 02:32PM by rationalguy.