Son and DIL have nothing. NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Zip. n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Oh wait, let me rephrase that, they have a shitload of debt. But they've decided to become mormons again, moved across the country to live with DIL's Nazi TBM parents, have completely cut me out of their lives, when I had practically raised my granddaughter her first 3+ years, and of course, have some catching up to do in the baby department since their daughter is already 4. So guess what... we're pregnant. But that's ok, there's welfare, Medicaid, food stamps, WIC!

DIL's family throws the "N**ger" word around all the freakin time. When they lived in my neck of the woods (lived in Northern Mississippi), they would always talk down about the people on welfare, and the black girls having welfare babies. They moved to Colorado, are very conservative, believe every Glenn Beck conspiracy theory, and if Jim Jones (i.e. TSM) brought cyanide-laced koolaid over and told them to give it to their children and grandchildren and then drink it themselves, they'd ask for seconds. I'm sure they are beside themselves thrilled about DIL being pregnant. They finally have them under their thumb (son and DIL haven't been active in the church up until recently). They can make sure the granddaughters are raised just like DIL and her mother--complete Stepford airheads with no self-esteem or sense of responsibility who will have no college aspirations and will be looking for husbands when they're 18. DIL refuses to work to help out with the family, and now, with 2 kids, she will have even more excuses.

WHY do mormons think they are different than other welfare recipients? They vote for people who want to CUT benefits, then they apply for it in droves. Of course, it's because they are bringing mormon babies into the world and that's what good ol God wants. So it's ok for them to purposely be irresponsible and expect the taxpayers to fund that irresponsibility. It's not like THEY are having welfare babies like the Black girls. Except that the are. They are NO different. You stand in line at Kroeger behind BYU students one after another after another pulling out WIC and Food Stamp vouchers and have three kids in the cart. But don't ever call THEM welfare queens. It doesn't bug me to pay taxes for a social safety net, especially for people who have had an unfortunate change in circumstance or innocent children and babies who can't help that their parents are idiots. But it DOES bug me to be supporting mormon welfare queens who think they are entitled to it.

Oh, I'm so sorry! It all sounds so awful!

Yes, the entitlement if off the charts. I never meet so many entitled people until I moved to Utah. If you belong to the church you are speshal and can do whatever the hell you want. THere is always a double standard!

As a whole Morons use very little of the welfare. I suppose they have the moral high ground on this one.

Medicaid, Food Stamps, WICS, etc.!

On average they would use less of these programs

In my area, many receive govt assistance. Do you have numbers?

In the last ward I attended there is a popular school that attracts a fair number of mormons who want to go into that field. Current students help incoming students get government housing, welfare, etc. Most have several kids and no one works. They excuse this because when they graduate, they will get jobs and contribute back.

I have seen this behavior personally in two separate wards.

I'm not sure where you get your statistics telling you that Mormons use these programs less than the average, but I highly doubt that's true.

Also, the more that missionaries prey on the less fortunate, I think that number is going to climb.

You hang out on the BabyCenter mormon board more. You can read it in their own words.

than non-Mormon college students.
Because non-Mormon college students are not busy being baby factories.

My niece (with wealthy parents) is collecting any government aid she can get. She just had baby #2. She has a degree and a job skill that pays well. She just doesn't want to work. She wants to have babies that they can't afford while hubby is in school.

She could easily be making at least $70,000 a year, and have medical bennies. Nope, welfare is the answer.

What? You say your son and his wife aren't seeing the cognitive dissonance of condemning welfare queens and then being welfare queens?

Where could they possibly have learned to have such comfort with cog dis?

Where could they have learned that black welfare queens are lower than their welfare asses?

All of this is projection to cast away the reality of what they are and how they are living.

I know you are hurt because you've been used. I spent three days a week taking care of my daughter's baby and toddler because she just couldn't handle things by herself. As soon as the kids got old enough that she could manage, she cut me out of her life.

Because I don't agree with her parenting philosophy of naked kids and breastfeeding (apparently) until adolescence. Although I said little, she said she could see "horror" on my face.

I don't blame my daughter because I taught her that people around you had to agree with you. That people who didn't agree were dangerous. I have to take my karma for raising her in and around Mormonism.

That being said, I have to find my peace in my ability to accept what I cannot change. Recently I listened to a program which said that accepting intolerable unfair circumstances, achieving true resignation and release, brings enlightenment.

This does not mean giving up, it means acceptance and going on with your own life. It hurts me every day that the child I thought was my closest friend, the one I thought wanted to care for me when I am really old, the one I thought loved me now feels her life is better without me in it.

Somehow she did not make a normal attachment and she is really not to blame for that. I take comfort in the fact that I received five beautiful Mother's Day cards with lovely sentiments on them. There were Mother's Days in my past, NormaRae, where I didn't even get a phone call.

I am doing everything I can to repair my relationships and to be close to the children I love. That's all I can do. Most of my children are open to it and my son wrote me a beautiful letter saying that being able to change when older in life is the example I have set and its inspiring to him (he's in rehab at age 43 having lost his family, his job, his health).

Your big challenge is to manage the anger --the righteous anger--from the injustice. Oh, do I know about that--I used to walk out to the Puget Sound and scream at the water. I recovered my equilibrium by writing morning pages of angry swearing each and every morning for several months. These morning pages were like draining a boil or a carbuncle with multiple heads. I had poison inside me.

That began a new path for me, a path of opening my mind to other ways to be in the world. A way to be present in the now and not thinking everyone has to do like me or be like me or believe like I believe because I am not all that.

You probably don't have that problem, but I needed humility and the pain my children caused me gave me the lesson that enabled me to be happy in spite of the unfairness,the murders (my father, my son), the injustice of supporting so many children without child support and then having them turn on me.

My heart is with you in your pain.


Hugs

Anagrammy

Anagrammy...I always learn something that I can apply to my own life from your posts. :) I, too, am being shunned by a daughter, just not a Mormon one. Thank you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2013 11:10AM by hope.

Every word you said resonated with me and I know we've had way-too-similar experiences.

And I do know that the best way to move on is to accept what I cannot change. That acceptance dissipates a lot of the anger. And I accept a lot of responsibility for the instability that my kids had in their lives that they are trying to recover from. I spent so many years chasing the elusive eternal family fantasy. Even when I knew inside what it really was--all fantasy, I couldn't admit that I'd screwed up and I kept us all in turmoil. I feel guilty that I am happier now than I have ever been while my kids are dealing with pain I caused them.

But I can't cure it and I can't control it. And I can't make it up to them by sacrificing my own peace of mind. I know the returning to TSCC thing and having another baby is a last ditch effort to make their marriage work. And now everything I've said over the years about mormonism, that he agreed with, is a personal affront to him and he talks like I said it all yesterday. He's trying so hard to make himself believe and I've thwarted all that because of what I've told him. He's not nearly as comfortable with the cog dis as his wife is. But I better not ever hear another word about welfare queens or I know I'll go off.

Thanks for your kind words.

Just this week one of my children suggested her dental problems were due to the fact that I didn't take my children into the bathroom one by one and brush their teeth for them.

I thought of all the charts I made, all the cartoons of shining teeth, and all the FHE lessons on why we don't scrub up and down, rather in a circular motion...all the dental visits that I had to trade legal services for. The orthodontia and my refusal to let the dentist break her jaw to fix her bite.

And I smiled.

FINALLY, after all these years I understand that it's the feelings that matter, not the facts. They HAVE to criticize me because of the image of perfection I portrayed for their entire childhood. This is how they get back to reality--that I was never perfect and it is ok that they aren't either.


Anagrammy

PS. a good example of my lack of perfection is that I don't understand why my posts sometimes appear in the middle and sometimes in the end of the thread. LOL!

PS.PS. I was a Welfare Queen so I could to to school and make enough money to hire another Welfare Queen to watch my children while she watched her own, these kids we all popped out with the super encouragement of the cult (which continued to take our money while we raised all these kids, no matter how badly our children needed it).

The math is simple, young people with low paying jobs or no job that have multiple children are most likely receiving government aid. They don't have the income to support themselves much less a family. That model describes Mormons to a T.

They're different because God commanded them to have those kids, ya know, multiple and replenish the earth.

It does bug me though when people judge couples for "choosing" to have another baby when they can't afford it. Not all pregnancies are planned. My 4th baby is proof of that- love her like crazy, but we were using birth control and condoms when I got pregnant. Now if you know someone was deliberately trying to get pregnant, thats another story...

Whoa. Steady on! Let's not have an aneurism.

Of course, you're dead right. I've had to watch this for years. To the Mormons it's not taking welfare, it's "living Heavenly Father's Plan."

Never forget...Religion cuts and divides family and society. It pits the "we are better because (holier)" against the "you are following the devil (evil)" group.

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want you in their lives. I think someday they'll wake up and figure this out.

((HUGS))

Thanks, B.

My kids have a textbook sociopathic father who has spent years convincing them that every problem they have, ever have had or ever will have is because they have a crazy mother (nothing to do with their father who can now give them lots of financial help which makes up for everything.) I spent years playing these games with them. But they are all near 30 or over and I refuse to play anymore. It's hard for them to process because I've always been the punching bag and I've always been predictable.

I am lucky to have so many people in my life who think the opposite and treat me so wonderfully. It's almost scary how easy it is getting to blow off the ones who try to suck away my dignity. I just refuse to surrender it anymore.

are you still in Ms? Im near Jackson

Closer to Southaven.

SORRY ABOUT Loosing your relationship w/your grandaughter. Thats going to be hard. But aside from that let em have their personal little hell! Live w/TBM IL can be hell! I think theyll regret it! So keep close contact w/your granchild. And laugh All the way to the mail box!!!

I have been doing taxes for years and I would say over half of my clients that qualify for EIC (Earned Income Credit) are Mormons. EIC is kind of a backdoor welfare program that IRS give to low income people. Some Mormons have so many kids and mortgages 1 and 2 and their 10% "donation" that they pay very little taxes. If they get EIC they pay very little or no taxes.

Actually that sounds like typical redneck thinking patterns, and is not limited to Mormons.