I think this is the first time that this has happened to me. I've been having a bit of a rough time at work. I went into the washroom and just felt like having a little cry.

I closed my eyes and put my head against the wall for a moment. In that position, it felt like a really natural time to start a small prayer.

I didn't pray, but for the first time since I left the LDS Church, I missed Heavenly Father.

I don't miss the Church - at all. No way.

But I missed thinking that there was someone there who loved me unconditionally and would say, "Yeah, I know. Life can really suck, can't it? I've been there myself and I'm here to comfort you as you go through it too."

I always had someone watching my back and who was there to give comfort and help me get through the tough times.

During the time that I worked for the Church, there were times when I began to feel really angry with Heavenly Father for the first time in my life, because He wasn't helping me and He wasn't listening.

Eventually, it began to dawn on me that there was actually no one there listening to my prayers at all. I was just talking to the ceiling.

But today is the first time that I missed being able to say a quick prayer and feel comforted.

For a moment, I understood why a lot of people are very reluctant to entertain the idea that their religion is false. Facing the probable reality means letting go of that comfort.

I know exactly what you mean. I still pray sometimes even though I consider it a form of meditation now...a message in the bottle, if you will, to the energy that connnects us all.
If it helps at all I can say it to you....yeah I know. Life can really suck, can't it? I've been there myself and I'm here to comfort you as you go through it. Even though I'm not god.
Sorry to hear about the rough time at work.

LOL It does help. Thanks!

My boss is preggers. She's being, shall we say, difficult. She tends to belittle you in front of others. I hate that!

FormerLatterClimber,

You are now my God!

Aww shucks, nofear...I'm definitely not god LOL. Well aren't you sweet.

Greyfort that's so hard when someone belittles you in front of others. And since she's your boss you can't exactly tell her to shove it. Hmmm. That's really rough. How far along is she? Maybe maternity leave is soon...

But there is someone there who loves you unconditionally and would say, "Yeah, I know. Life can really suck, can't it? I'm here to comfort you as you go through it."

There is someone watching your back, who is there to give comfort and help you get through the tough times. This person is YOU. A way to self soothe is all prayer ever was. So take heart in this tough time and know that you are loved by you and only you know how it feels to be where you are now.

She's having twins, so with any luck, she'll have to leave early.

Thanks, wine country girl. That is kind of how I pulled myself together. I reminded myself that I could find the strength to comfort myself.

But I'm sure that's the first time I ever, just for a moment, missed how much prayer used to comfort me. That is, until it started to feel like an empty exercise, so I finally stopped trying to pray.

Try praying to your relatives who have passed that you were close to.

That is great advice. I still feel very close to my dad who passed 3 years ago. Its as if they are on the other side and now "all knowing."

Sometimes it's just good to say a prayer, just to no one. It is like writing a letter to your self when you are angry or sad it just helps to get it out there so it's not bottled up. It helps with my depression sometimes. :)

Take care.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2013 01:52AM by the god of thunder.

If it's any consolation, the Mormon Heavenly Father figure would be more likely to say, "you asked for it."

I never liked the name "Heavenly Father". I had been Catholic and just called Him God. HF seemed much too personal. I am so glad I never have to open a prayer with that phrase EVER again.

Not to the Mormon Heavenly Father whose love is seriously conditional and who I picture as bossy, judgmental, patriarchal and altogether an unpleasant person whom I would not want to spend time with (kinda like Mitt now that I think about it).

But, sometimes I pray to a higher and more aware and evolved being who does love me unconditionally. It's sort of a self comfort/meditation thing, but it helps on tough days.

Control your breathing. It is that simple.

Watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q06YIWCR2Js

Nothing fails like prayer..

I pray to Joe Pesci

Truth revealed. +1

Instead of praying, I did end up just taking a few deep, calming breaths before I went back to my desk.

I haven't prayed in a long time, but I guess I do sometimes talk to nothing while I'm driving, when I'm frustrated. I'm yelling at no one in particular, but I guess it helps to get it out.

I think a lot of us ignored the Mormon Heavenly Father and we sort of took Him on in a personal way, giving Him the attributes that we wanted Him to have.

I've spent a few years trying to get the attention of my relatives who have passed on, even including my cat. Nothing. Silence, as usual.

I would like to be able to do otherwise, but without any evidence, I will remain an atheist.

I guess it was really just the comfort I found as a religious person that I was missing. Reality can really suck, but I'd still rather deal in reality than convince myself of the truth of a fantasy.

*sigh* Time to get ready for work again. I always think it's sad when I spend my life wishing most of it away, as all I dream about are the weekend days. The weekdays can go to grass.

Have a better day today Greyfort. Don't forget we're here, so if she humiliates you again, remember to use us to vent! <hugs>

Georgie was awesome during our time together from 1990-97.

I can bring his memory into my face anytime I want to and tell him anything on my mind.

He always listens and doesn't give me any crap about anything I say or anything I do.

He is completely nonjudgmental and unfailingly accepting of me and everything I am and everything I am not.

Come to think of it, my dead cat is more Christ-like than all the General Authorities that ever lived piled one on top of the other.

This is very cool. And if you think I am joking, think again.

What if God is actually closer to you than you EVER dared to imagine?

I completely understand where you are coming from.

I hope your day is better today.

When you described how you went to the bathroom and leaned your head against the wall, that was totally me last week and I found out that two of my friends at work at been 'shown the door'.
I'm what we call highly sensitive so I feel things quite strongly and I had to step into the bathroom to pull my-self together when I got the news.

I understand about the missing HF. But I've discovered that through those moments of realizing I'm on my own, I find that I have the strength to go through it after all. Sometimes I just talk to my-self, sometimes I think about something funny I read here, sometimes I just hug my-self. I realize that the ways I pull through end-up being very divers and I like that instead of thinking that I keep saying the same things to one person in particular.
Also one thing that I do sometimes about someone that I cannot talk-back to but is getting on my nerves and becoming intolerable is that when I'm able to be on my own somewhere, I pretend the person is in front of me, and I just have a go at her/him. And I feel better afterwards.

The Heavenly Father of the Mormon church is false. I also reject Jehovah of the Old Testament. He is a heartless cruel egomaniac.
However, that being said, I believe in God. I believe he asks (not commands) just one thing from us - that we accept his love.

THIS is where our free agency comes in. If we don't accept his love, he still loves us because his love is unconditional. If we choose to accept his love - just as a child and a parent relationship, not as a member of ANY church, then we will feel his love. It is tangible, it is real. He doesn't care about formal prayer. Every morning I simply call "Father" and talk to him. I feel him there, I feel his love. I ask for inspiration and he gives it.

Now, I know many who left the church have become agnostic or atheist. The church has a great scorched earth policy. If you leave the church you may likely leave ANY belief system because you've been taught all other churches are false. And it is true - they are.

Yet God is still there. He cares about no church. Now if you are rolling your eyes and saying "yeah, right"...Consider this - Isn't this the kind of being you wish God was...Completely accepting, no matter who you are? He will not get angry with you...ever? He just wants to give you his love.
Punishments? No...we will suffer natural consequences for what we do. For instance - touch a hot burner on the stove, you get burned. Did God punish you for touching the burner by burning you? Nope. Just natural consequences.

So...I believe he is there: kind, loving benevolent, eternal. We are all prodigal sons and daughters. We're a bunch of screw ups in every way, shape and form. But he doesn't care. He wants us all to come home.

exbishfromportland Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> if you are rolling your eyes and saying "yeah,
> right"

Nah, I don't say, "Yeah, right." I just sadly say that I wish He could be real, but I just don't see any evidence of that.

But even in my best days, I saw "Heavenly Father" as a sort of prick, a guy who never had a good thing to say about you. Sort of like a celestialized Boyd K. Packer.

Her Karma will soon catch up with her. Didn't you say she's having twins? lol

We had a sermon the other day - "when God is silent." The pastor said it's like an intermission (the bible is silent for 400 years between the old and new testament). The curtains close but there's still stuff going on behind the scenes and he's changing things around in your life for the next scene. Be patient. Keep praying. Have a beer. Take a leak. Go get some popcorn.

Oh, sweetie . . . I miss him, too, sometimes. It's OK to pray. I still do, even if I'm not totally sure anyone is "out there." The meditation part of praying/believing in a higher power is therapeutic, even if it's all a Disney fantasy.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time at work, greyfort. You are absolutely one of the solid rocks I lean on when I am going through tough times. I think you are a stellar person! You have always been one of my favorite posters. Always. So kind, so logical, so empathetic.

You're OK. Pray if you want. Hope for that sky daddy even if you don't believe he is logically possible. Nobody else has to know. heh.

((((((Hugs)))))) darlin'.

Love,
Shannon ;o)

P.S. And I hope your work situation resolves itself.

Aww, you guys are the best. Thanks so much.

Today did go better, but I just stayed out of her way. Her twins are boys, so they should be a handful. Maybe she won't come back afterwards. LOL

She's getting tired, but that's making her extra grumpy.

Oh well. There seems to be some sort of law that says there should be jerks in every workplace. She really changed once she became the boss. A lot. She used to be nice.

I hope you cheer up, Greyfort. I must admit I don't share the sentiment. To me, a father is an ogre who deprives and punishes. I would dance on God's grave.

The dark night of the soul, while seemingly unprogressive will actually propel you toward your next phase of spiritual growth. Be open to new ideas. They'll come.

I feel really bad for you, & I'm sorry for what's going on.

I felt the same way as a kid when I realized that no one was there. I had always been taught that if we had enough faith, that we would be healed. I really believed this. I've told this story at least a dozen times, but it needs to be told again. I was 8 3/4, almost 9, very sick, & I prayed & prayed one night to be healed, for what seemed like hours. A few days later I ended up in the ICU. I realized that no one was there, but I had no one to talk to it about, so I ended up staying in the cult another 16 years.

It's scary the first time you realize that no one is there. My Mom described that experience as well, when she left the Catholic Church.

Her mother had sent her to live in Toronto when she was only 16 years old. My Mom is from Newfoundland and grew up partly in Scotland as well.

She was plunked into the big city, far away from family. She lived with her brother for awhile, but he soon got married and moved to California.

My Mom said she never felt alone, because she had God and Jesus and all of the Saints watching over her. She was fearless. She said it was really frightening when it began to dawn on her that they weren't actually there.

I had so many blessings telling me that the uterine cancer I was developing would be cured and I would go on to bear children. It makes me so angry to remember what I put myself through, before I finally realized that a hysterectomy was imminent and that they were wrong. People would say, "Maybe you're supposed to adopt." I said, "No, it was carefully worded in every blessing that I would bear children."

But yeah, this experience was weird. It's the first time I've really felt that aloneness (think I just made up a word) since I left the Church.

I commune with animals, and I have a message from Greyfort's and beyondashadow's cats:

We are all connected. Somewhere in the world, at this very minute, there are homeless kitties who are meowing for someone to take them home and love them. If you adopt one of them, you have honored all of us.

You will also open yourself up to a great source of comfort.

The Mormon Heav'nly Father was a critical male figure who did not love me, not matter how hard I tried to please Him.

God was an Energy who lived in my heart. I created God out of the unconditional love I created myself--for myself, my siblings, my pets over the years, my close friends, my children. God is Love. Love comes from YOU.