And my husband approached me last night to tell me that he had just "talked to her" and she wants to get baptized.

Well, of course she wants to get baptized! She loves her Dad, and he really, really, really wants this. I didn't think it would hit me so hard, but I hate how the church manipulates children into doing something they don't understand.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I know other religions practice infant baptism, but at least no one is under the illusion that it is the baby's choice to get baptized. What Mormons practice is the equivalent to infant baptism because no normal child would want to disappoint their parents, which means they don't really have a choice. But it's worse than infant baptism because they are given the impression that they DO have a choice! It just makes me so angry!

And worse, still, is the fact that my daughter is emotionally and socially behind her peers because she is aspergerish. I can't tell you how many people have been trying to help her step out of her imaginary world in order to interact with the world around her. For a long time she would prefer to crawl on the floor and pretend to be a dog rather than stand up straight and speak her mind. But now she is doing it! She's actually talking, expressing herself, and making friends.

So now that she's made these wonderful strides, my DH pulls her aside and asks her if she wants to be baptized. It was to be expected, I know that. But there's no way in hell that my DD knows what she's getting into! And there's also no way in hell that she would have said "no" and disappointed her own father!

"Do you want to come to the baptism?" my DH asks me in the midst of informing me what our daughter "wants." I'm not sure I can express how my stomach dropped when he phrased that question like he hoped I'd say no.

"Or course I'm coming," I told him. "DD is my daughter."

I knew this was coming but it hurts so much more than I thought it would. What is it about emotions that they have a way of stopping you dead in your tracks. I need to find a way to put on a smile for my daughter. Any suggestions?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 10:00AM by sstone.

Sad...

Well SS, if I were you, I would resort to some self-talk that would prolly go like this:

Hmmm, it's only a phony ritual in a swimming pool

Dear Daughter will feel better having accomplished this

I stand strong in the Truth

Keeping the peace is more important right now

The Pretend Penis Club has no power over me or DD

I know nothing about your situation but my advice is to tell DH
that it really saddens you to see your DD getting baptized.

My NOM wife used to take the kids to Church. When our oldest
daughter turned 8 all her friends were getting baptized and she
BEGGED me to let her get baptized also. I told her no, but when
she turned 18 she could make that choice for herself.

By the time she was 18 she wanted nothing to do with Mormonism.

Ask your husband if he thinks she is really ready for this. Is she ready for the responsibility of being accountable for all her sins? Does she even understand why she is getting baptized? She doesn't have to be baptized on her birthday, especially if she seems a little behind her peers in some areas. Hopefully your husband can see that there are unique circumstances. Also, what other big, life-altering commitments does your daughter make at her age? Has she decided what college she will be attending or what her profession she will have as an adult? Then why would she be expected to make a commitment to one religious organization at this age, and keep that commitment as an adult? Clearly it's not really her choice. It's a decision you and your husband need to make for her. Don't let your husband make the decision and then ask you if you want to attend the baptism. She's your daughter too. She doesn't get baptized unless/until you both agree to it.

You have the right to say NO! In fact, depending on your child's degree of autism, she most likely is not even mentally competent to choose to get baptized. (I know my autie daughter was not ready at 8yrs old and my autistic son will be 8 in three months and is no where NEAR ready to make a decision like that.)

Throw it back at your husband and ask why he is so determined to get her baptized with her being 8yrs old when his own church teaches that she gets a pass to heaven if she is not mentally capable of making decisions regarding baptism?

Both my daughters (now 10 and 9) use to beg me to let them get baptized into the morg. I stood firm and refused. Now they happily attend a baptist church with me and I am more than happy to let them get baptized if they really want it. Why? Because the process is different and they aren't selling their soul to the devil.

Ok, well, I am calmer now. I just need to look at this as a spiritual tradition rather than as some kind of sure, tried and true way to make our daughter Mormon forever.

Not like this is going to change who she is or how she thinks. I need to be in this for the long haul.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 05:58PM by sstone.

Think about it this way. This will give her something to complain about when she is older. If I was never baptized into the cult I would not be on this board and would have missed out on all the entertainment the cult provides for us. The cult also makes it easier to dismiss the old angry god paradigm they like to instill in us.

The best thing I can think of is to document your dissent so you can show it to your DD when she is older and at least she won't blame you for lying to her.

You do have the option of divorcing DH and taking half of his stuff. That is a lot of power to hold over someone and DH needs to be reminded of this. At least the threat of doing so should make him sit up and fly right. I've known more than a few men that when presented with their options became much more reasonable to deal with.

Just a thought.

Diablo in no way shape or form condones divorce. I don't condone marriage either but that's a mommy issue. :-|

It's not a kind of psychosis.

Um, I have a brother who actually does suffer from psychosis. And believe me, his world is not imaginary to him. Not in the slightest. That said, I suppose "her own world" would have been a better description.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 06:08PM by sstone.

I let both of my daughters choose. My 25yo atheist daughter chose no at age 8. My 13yo daughter chose yes, with pressure from her dad, grandma, friends, etc. now she is in Young Women's and starting to see through some of the bullcrap. The main thing is to be supportive, yet honest about my feelings. My 13yo is starting to resent her dad forcing her to go to church. I try to be the one who loves and supports her in making informed decisions. I praise her for using critical thinking skills. I think as a parent, that is our most important job - to teach them to think for themselves.

Most people on this board have been baptized, and we turned out pretty well. Do what you think is best, but keeping the peace is good.

As she grows up, just keep working on her world view and critical thinking skills. TSCC has an amazing indoctrination program, which you'll have to smartly counteract.

Can you agree to have her baptized but not set apart? Baptism without confirmation?

Baptism without confirmation in Mormonism would be like going to the temple without paying tithing.

In other words, not gonna happen.


Edit: Also, TSCC DOES claim to need both parents' permission in order to baptize a minor. Not sure about the situation, but you could just put your foot down.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 06:35PM by smoteheadofshiz.

Yes, I know that I could, but I am trying so, so hard to keep the peace. Although, I was pretty darn tempted to be a jerk and say "no way" after the convo DH and I had about ten minutes ago.

DH: Will your parents care if I baptize her before they get back from vacation.

Me: Darn right they'll care. You have got to know they'll want to be there.

DH: But we're going to Utah in August and I want to get it done before then.

Me: You could extend your vacation a week and do it in Utah, then at least your parents could come.

DH: But then I'd miss work.

Me: Or you could just wait a few months until everything settles down and everyone can come.

DH: But then, what if our daughter gets into an airplane accident and dies on vacation! I would be really upset.

Me: Are yous saying that as long as she's baptized, you wouldn't be upset if she died in a plane crash?

DH: You know what I mean!

Me: It strikes me as really superstitious.

DH: It is not!

Me: Um, okay, I just didn't realize you believed God would punish an innocent eight-year-old child for waiting an extra month to get baptized. I mean, she'll be eight for an entire year, so it's not like she doesn't have time.

DH: You know exactly what I believe. It's the same thing that I've always believed. I. Haven't. CHANGED!


Worst. Conversation. Ever.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2013 06:57PM by sstone.

Actually, your husband is behaving like a jerk.
He is clearly aware that he is going against your wishes, so he decided to influence the girl behind your back.

Bad situation.
You can never appease a cult and, almost always, the cost is too high for any kind of co-existence.

DH sounds a bit odd.

And morbid.