By that I mean New Order Mormon...you know the term. If you could just "fake it till you make it" would it have made life better, less stressful?

Would it be worth it to you? Would you have done things differently if you could do it over?

I faked it for quite some time.

Faking Mormonism doesn't make the religion any less of a giant lie.

The religion is demonstrably false. Why live a lie?

I was NOM for awhile. Didn't work for me. Going to church as a non-believer was eating me inside. I got to the point where I could no longer stand it. Being NOM made life MORE stressful for me. It was easier dealing with the cog dis as a TBM because at least I could rationalize things away. But faking it...no, not worth it to me.

Exactly how I felt. I faked it for several years and it was tearing me apart inside. I was depressed. It made me a less supportive husband and father. I absolutely dreaded going to all the meetings (Bishopric, PEC, 3 hour block, priesthood leadership, etc, etc) and activities.

Don't get me wrong, life is still difficult for me right now because I know that what I am doing is hurting my wife. And I'm struggling to find my place in the world. But I'm so much better off mentally.

I felt the same, faking it was killing me. I was depressed and ill and would wake up every single morning with these words in my head, " Am I really STILL here"? When I realized I had lost the will to live I knew I had to make huge changes.

To answer the poster's question, yes, it would have been far easier for me to remain in the church. It was not easy to be kicked out of my home, get divorced, and have all 5 of my TBM married children hate me for some time. My relationship with them will never be the same, though it has improved some.

But does "easy" mean fulfilling? Does it mean happy? Does it mean having integrity and feeling good about oneself? Absolutely not, it only means living with more convenience and less conflict. At least that is all it would have meant for me.

I have paid a huge price and every cent was worth it. I would never go back to faking it, not in a million years, hard as it has been. I was never really looking for easy; I was looking for truth. And truth let me to the most difficult of places.

Not saying I would do it. Just wondering if this is something that can be done longterm and if it's worth it.

Can you alter the way you see things and make church more symbolic than literal> if it means keeping family intact. I don't know.

"Can you alter the way you see things and make church more symbolic than literal> if it means keeping family intact. I don't know."

It might work for you to some extent, the one who prefers to see it symbolically.

But that isn't going to work for the mormons that take it literal, they will look at you as less, weak, rejector of truth, you will be a threat and maybe even and enemy to them....does that make life easier?

If it's going be tough either way, I would proclaim my disbelief and let them deal with it. At least I would show my integrity by being honest....something a lot of mormons can't seem to do.

I feel like pretty much all Mormons live in a kind of fantasy world because they refuse to use logic and are afraid to be alone. I go read/look at my friends blogs that are super Mormon and I get sick to my stomach because they do paint a picture perfect life that captures all the great moments they have with their family, nature, and all things beautiful. I get sick because I long for that at some moments and almost shake my head in disbelief. Living life outside the church... when all you knew was the church is very lonely. Their fantasy world compared to my sometimes defensive new lonesome life is not out weighed. I choose the truth exposed. I am determined to find more beauty and find people I can trust. Sometimes I have to clear my mind and ask myself...wait now they all think I am the crazy one..am I? I haven't actually regretted my decision for one day. I am liberated and free to be me.

It might have been easier if I hadn't specifically told people I didn't believe in the LDS church. There was no way I was going to keep attending when I didn't believe in it anymore, but for several years I never talked to anyone about it (mostly because it was a non-issue until I married into a TBM family). But then people assume you're a lazy sinner who can't follow through with your true beliefs, and I didn't want that. I'm happier having people know the true. Also, I get nagged less this way and hopefully (hopefully!!!) there will be less pressure when I have children.

I couldn't do it because I felt like a giant hypocrite. I felt like a dual-personality that was being torn apart.

Also by playing along with it, I was supporting the system that I didn't believe in. Whether or not you accept it, other people are looking at you and probably thinking that you believe it wholesale which means you are strengthening their testimony.

Lead by example.

I couldn't go to church and keep my mouth shut. And why should I? If they are going to force me to sit through the BS, the least they can do is be honest. By "they" I mean the corporation that runs the mess. They tell the teachers what to say, don't venture off from the manual. Of course I can't help but ask questions like "Where does all this money go?" There should be more then enough money to have a paid janitor or two in every stake, the programs should have budgets, etc. I'm sure the bishop would rather I not attend.

on how much you have to lose - your wife, kids, business, etc.

Hell no!
I'd still be home-teaching, cleaning the building, and god knows what else the church asked me to do, not to mention listening to the same old drivel for 3 hours every Sunday. These days I have 3 hours to myself every week, while the DW & children go to church, plus the time during the week that used to be spent in make-work callings.

I was terrified to discuss anything with anybody so I kept it all bottled up. Eventually I popped like an over-ripe zit and sprayed the emotional puss all over my wife.

I wish I had done things differently but there is no way I could have gone on living the lie. I'm just too upfront with my feelings to lie well.

Come to think of it, I was kind of NOM even as a TBM. I hated SS and PH and would often roam the halls. It was nice to have young children - the built in excuse to avoid the bore. Home Teaching? I always hated it and seldom did it. Being the EQP is probably what drove me to investigate the nagging doubts. I just couldn't stand Mormonism but didn't feel like I had much choice because the church was true....

Stunted



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2011 02:14PM by Stunted.

I did that in order to try to keep the peace in my marriage to my TBM ex-husband, but it didn't work, and contributed to the depression I had. I quit going to church immediately after I filed for divorce, as I had a gut feeling that they would say I didn't honor the priesthood. I think my ex might have suspected something as there were times on Fast Sunday when I would complain of a migraine and walk home after sacrament.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2011 04:16PM by adoylelb.

I went straight from being a true-believer to apostate in 5 days. Left Utah 4 months later.

But then I didn't have any family to lose - I was in the middle of a divorce (not church related), and my 2 teenaged children left the cult with me. It might have been very different if my family situation had been different.

TG

In about April or May 2010, it was like a switch went on for me and I only lasted a few more months after that. I just couldn't fake it and go and pretend or be a part of it so as not to face rejection. I just had to be true to myself. I put my marriage on the line and it was scary for me, but I am so happy to be free and to think, feel and believe the way I do that there is no price too high for the honor of just being me. I couldn't do the new order thing at all but understand why people would choose that.

I started having doubts when I was in college in 2006. I just suppressed them and kept going until even though I hated it. (Always had, even as a believer.) In 2008, I stopped attending and it felt great. One night on a whim I decided to to read the Wikipedia joseph smith page and found the gold looking charge and that lead me to investigate and wow. Now I'm here! :D
It was easy to keep from family as because I was away at school, but now that I am getting married and they all know it's NOT going to be in the temple, the s#!t is hitting the fan.
Oh well. At least now I get to have a nice ceremony my way. :)