Wow, too many stressors over the past few days. I need to vent to get my anxiety levels down (hooray for ptsd and chronic anxiety).

First, got my scores back for an entrance exam, and they weren't quite where I wanted them, still good enough, but it will make applications harder.

Next, got an email from a Google recruiter asking for an interview, which is awesome, but throws up some questions about what I want to do about going back to school and what kind of career I want in the end. Plus, I hear those interviews can be rough, and being the nervous person I am, I already have some anxiety about the interview.

Finally, got an email from my TBM dad, who u dropped contact with a year ago. I sent an email for fathers day telling him what is going on in my life, I mentioned my church issues to him too. In his email, he mentioned that I need to take a look at both sides of the story (like he is and like I haven't) so he is sending me some books he wants me to read. This interaction has me shaking, god I hate my ptsd, I haven't triggered in months.

Anyway, it doesn't seem so bad now that I wrote it down, I just needed to share to calm down. Thanks for reading.

Put the books on a shelf. ;)

Take the interview. The best interviews are the ones where you don't care if you get the job or not. And good luck with your applications!

"Finally, got an email from my TBM dad, who u dropped contact with a year ago. I sent an email for fathers day telling him what is going on in my life, I mentioned my church issues to him too. In his email, he mentioned that I need to take a look at both sides of the story (like he is and like I haven't) so he is sending me some books he wants me to read. This interaction has me shaking, god I hate my ptsd, I haven't triggered in months."

Next time you email your dad, don't mention any of the church stuff. That's a conversation for another day. I'm guessing that isn't helping the ptsd.

Focus on YOU and what YOU need. Do you NEED to communicate with your dad? It sounds like you don't need to at this point in your life

Maybe you can take advantage of all that's going on. Go ahead and do the Google interview, and even if there is no resulting offer consider it great experience. I've also heard those interviews can be grueling, but you can always consider it a learning experience and figure out how to handle it better next time if it doesn't go well.

Chances are you'll do just fine and then maybe there's a job offer. During your interview, you interview them just as hard to really find out if it's something you want to do. If it is, a company like that may well have a program where they help you take classes if that's what you want to do.

Maybe you can send your dad your own reading list that you want him to read?

Good luck to you!

rain Wrote:
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> During your interview, you interview them just as hard to really find out if it's something you want to do.

Totally! My current administrators were stunned when I spent more time interviewing them than they spent interviewing me. But I got the job! :-)

Newatthis, It sounds like you are a highly intelligent, ambitious person who has greatly succeeded thus far in your life. Think about how you gained that inner strength to get to where you are. You are way stronger than you think. I'm not dis-crediting your ptsd/anxiety...I know those are very real things.

As far as your career goes, it always takes a while to figure that out, I heard somewhere that most people have an average of 3 career changes in their lives. Don't let it overwhelm and overcome you, you will figure it out, so what if it takes a little longer. I finally figured out my profession after switching universities and majors and it took me an additional 2 years...I wouldn't change that because it helped me find my way and I met my amazing husband along the way.
I'm not sure what to say about your Dad other than at this time in your life, I would avoid much contact. I know deep down, everyone wants the love and approval of their parents. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Good luck with everything, it will work out one way or another :)

There are some things that are best kept to ourselves and not discussed with our family. They don't have to know everything bout us that we think or feel.
Maybe it's best if you keep things about the LDS Church to yourself if they don't match your families ideas.
Save yourself some grief! If that's a "trigger" it's one you can avoid.

Take your time with making choices about a career. It's Ok to try different things and be flexible. Some people are very motivated and determined and know from a young age what they want to be/do, and never waiver. My husband was like that. But, on the whole most people are not that specifically driven.

Be good to yourself!

Thank you all for your advice and support, a lot of things that you mentioned are really meaningful to me, especially at this point. This afternoon was a little overwhelming, but at least there are plenty of good things going on in life, it is just too easy to lose perspective when family shit hits the fan.