For the past several years, I've noticed that every Mormon wedding announcement that we've received states the stores where the bride and groom are registered. It's something like this:

...parents are pleased to announce the marriage of x to y...the bride and groom are registered at Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond.

I find the practice in poor taste and quite tacky, but maybe it's just me. Is this just a Mormon thing or is this just the norm now?

I've seen it on plenty of non-Mormon announcements. Including my own.

I think it is just done now. I don't know whether it is tacky or not, but I love it. I know that my taste is reflective of my age and no young bride is going to like what I like. I love the Target registry. From the brides perspective it cuts down on duplicates. When I moved to a smaller space, after living in my home for 40 years, I finally got around to sending the extra chip dip sets to DI.

It's tacky to have it in the body of the wedding announcement but it's become accepted to have a card with the information included in the invitation. Back when I got married, it would have been tacky to mention anywhere that you expected a gift. But things change and I think it's OK nowadays. I think having it printed right on the announcement is in poor taste - doesn't anyone frame their wedding invitation nowadays?

People actually still send wedding invitations by mail? All the invitations I have seen in recent years are by e-mail.

If I ever get an invite by e-mail, Im going to reply to the bride that she can shove her wedding!

If someone doesn't have the good graces to send me a proper announcement, they can forget me. I find that tacky in the extreme.

Grow up, seriously. With an attitude like that you should feel lucky you get invited to anything at all.

Grow up? Really? Hmmmm. Interesting. You just said a lot about yourself.

Maybe I did.

But do you really think it's an adult thing to do to tell someone to "shove" their wedding because you prefer written invitations over emailed ones?

Me too. Hand delivery or having the porter drop it by is appropriate.

The announcements I've been getting lately have the registry info. right on the announcement, not a separate card. I've wondered about having registry info. framed with the announcement too.

I was married over 20 years ago and announcing registries was NEVER done in that era. I guess I have to change my thinking or consider myself to be "old school" now.


I'm still going to let myself be bugged about never receiving thank you notes for the gifts I give, however...I haven't received a thank you for a wedding gift in years.

I hear you there. Don't let this whole new generational thing be confused for just plain social tackiness. Kids can learn how to be socially polite. Just because a new generation gives up or takes up a practice doesn't make it acceptable. No thank-you? Gimme a break! That isn't acceptable just because a new generation of kids expects a gift.

We just gave one of our dear friends a very nice (very expensive) set of crystal glasses for a birthday. No thank you or mention of it. Guess who is never getting a gift from me again?

Umm excuse me, but I'm from this generation. 23 married almost five years and I hand wrote over two hundred thank you cards.

Not writing thank you notes is not generational its about whether the parents taught manners or not.

I also continue to write thank you notes to my grandparents for any gifts received.

Don't lump an entire generation together based on your observations.

Good point, very good. I deserved that rebuke. You are totally on base there and you were right to call me out. Pretty assuming of me to assign that to a generational issue.

Come to think of it, my youngest is your age and Im proud to say he'd be as gracious in his thank-yous if he received a big screen or a box of tissues.

Same here. I did get a Facebook tag thanks once.

I wouldn't want to see an advisement about where the couple are registered for gifts unless it's accompanied by an invitation to the wedding. Not just the reception, but the wedding.

Sure, some friends and relatives who live at a distance may be unlikely to attend. But give them the courtesy of an invitation if you are hoping for a gift from them.

The last four weddings we have been invited to and which included a Target registry all requested big screen plasma televisions, video game systems, video games and items of that nature. While I do realize that this new generation of very young married people think nothing of this, and do, in fact believe marriage is playing video games, it is nauseating to me. The registry was created so that the mother of the bride could direct guests (who asked, not who were mailed a gift list) to her daughter's china and crystal patterns and now, well, it's so the bride and groom themselves can state which ridiculous presents they want. Nobody even wants china and crystal anymore.

You sound like the next words out of your mouth should be about kids getting off your lawn.

China and crystal? Who uses them anymore? Certainly not anyone I know.

What's wrong with registering for things you want? While I'd never expect anyone to buy me a big screened tv (nor would I want it purchased from Target), what's wrong with video games or whatever thing makes that couple happy?

It's a rough economy, and planning on ways to bring entertainment costs down (investing in at-home options instead of always going to the movies, etc) is a great idea.

And since many people are marrying later in life, things like toasters and towels might already be owned by the couple and they may not have need for those things.

While I agree that modern young marrieds don't use china and crystal anymore, I'm also in agreement with licoricemoratorium about the wedding invitations and more traditional registry. Tacky is including anything about gifts in or with the invitation.

AND KEEP YOUR GODDAMN KIDS OFF MY LAWN!!! (j/k)

Oh, there'd better not be any kids on my lawn!

Let me put it this way: It is not appropriate to say to someone: Come to my wedding and bring me one or more of the following gifts. And that is exactly what you are doing when you stick a registry card inside an invition. It used to be considered very tacky to do something like that but Americans are turning very, very tacky as a rule.

I think my favorite wedding gift we received was a tiny little painting of a squirrel in a tiny little frame. We didn't ask for it and it wasn't practical, nor did it "save money" but it was kind and thoughtful of our friend who knew us well enough to know what we might find special. That's the idea behind giving a gift.

Somewhere in my mother's things, there is a list of all the gifts she and my dad received at their big, fancy wedding. They were registered for china, crystal, and silver, and got all of that. My dad's colleagues and employees banded together and got them an engraved, silver-plated champagne cooler.

But what really struck me was how modest most of the gifts were. Many of the wedding gifts would be considered shower gifts nowadays. One person gave kitchen towels. Another gave a tablecloth. If attendees gave silver, it might have been just a teaspoon. Modest gifts were the norm, not the exception. I got the distinct impression that was how it was done back then.

I still use their lovely things today, and hope to pass them down to my niece and nephew. My SIL uses her silver every day and throws it in the dishwasher! Her motto is that nice things were meant to be used.

I agree with you totally, licorice! When I see some assuming little shit of a bride or groom putting something like a big screen TV on their registry, I automatically pick the cheapest item I can get for them.
All I can say is WTF??? Wedding gifts aren't intended for setting them up with luxury items, they are to help the kids get a start. Again, I say, DON'T accept everything the younger generation does as acceptable! DON'T let them label you "old school" and shame you into thinking something is wrong with you if you don't like their assuming, expecting attitudes of entitlement!
Making people feel like a sack of shit if they can't get you a plasma TV isn't acceptable!
Not sending a thank-you isn't acceptable!
Sending an email invite isn't acceptable!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2013 08:01PM by GetTheLedZepOut.

Miss Manners is obviously rolling in her grave.

Miss Manners is weeping gently into her linen handkerchief because she's not dead yet. :)

Emily Post agrees

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/341-essential-invitation-dos-and-donts

I think there is something that happens when you start planning your wedding knowing that it is very different than the traditional. Expectations of etiquette go by the wayside when there is so much pressure and potential conflict.

I like it. Especially if they are from out of town. I can go online and have something sent that I know they want, and have it gift wrapped and a card. A lot of times the shipping is free. It really simplifies it for everyone.

The registry itself is fine -- it is meant to be a courtesy for the guest, but the traditional etiquette is for the guest to inquire about it. That way, the invitation remains an invitation, rather than an engraved panhandle.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/02/2013 08:11PM by ananke.

Okay let me be honest. I'm lazy and sometimes I'm cheap. If I'm invited to a wedding and I don't know the bride very well (maybe I'm on the grooms side) I like having a list of things she likes. The list even tells me what isle the item is on. I also like the fact that the list tells me the price of the item. I have a budget for gifts. Sometimes I'm shopping for a group of people who are going in together so that they can buy something big (maybe you think that's tacky too). I have bought, high end vacuum cleaners, microwaves and yes a TV.

Bottom line. If you invited me to share your special day, I want to make you happy. I'd just rather not jump through hoops to do it. Give me a nice list and I'll buy you a nice gift. I'll wrap if pretty, put on my best and bring it to you.

Does it really matter whether the request for a gift is implied or suggested? Who throws a big wedding, invites people and does not expect a gift?

I'm also one who was taught that it's tacky to put registry information on wedding invitations, including the little cards. The way you should find out where a couple is registered is to ask them or their family personally. The other thing is that I completely shocked my ex-husband's family because thanks to me, they received their first-ever thank you notes for wedding gifts as that's how I was raised as well.

Great...

I finally get my constitutional right to marry right at the moment that weddings hit their zenith of tackiness.

I hate Everything about weddings theses days.

I feel you there about weddings. Reading up on etiquette makes my head spin since everything my family has done seems to be tacky to everyone (and how dare I want a short wedding dress).

I gave up on trying to not be tacky for any future wedding plans. Keep it small with 30-40 and have the reception have arcade machines.

I'll do the little card with registry info since that's how it's done for my family for the past 10 years. What tacky last year isn't today, and I doubt anyone would call me for registry info. As for the china, crystal, and silver, I wouldn't use them and would return them (I would feel guilty).

I must be odd. I'm 27. When I got married (six years ago), I picked the classiest possible invitations. We had a formal black and white engagement picture, and addressed the invites in calligraphy. Hell, I insisted on waxing sealing by hand every single one of those 800 bad boys. They were the prettiest thing I had ever seen and we had many compliments on them.

I refused to put my registry info in there. We included a link to our wedding website, which had a link to our registry.

Picking out our china pattern was my favorite thing about it. Mikasa Parchment, if you were wondering. I love our fancy stuff, and pull it out for all holidays, and once a month for Sunday dinner. But that might be familial for me. My grandma has five (yes, five) full sets of china, and each granddaughter will get one when she dies.

I'm a thoroughly modern feminist. But I love weddings, and if I was going to have a lame Mormon wedding, then I was going to make everything else as fancy and traditional as possible, dammit. Had to make up for the non ceremony somehow.

Whatever happened to guests contacting the mother of the bride for advice on a gift if they needed?