...so far that I can't handle it anymore. It's degrading & sickening. It's making me feel like my life absolutely doesn't matter at all. Because of this verbal abuse, I second guess absolutely everything I think - thoughts, ideas, opinions. I am constantly being told I'm stupid, but having the added sexism & misogyny thrown in just makes me feel really horrible.

I know I have to get away from this family. I'm trying my best to.

I HATE being mansplained. HATE IT. I know one mormon who would tell Julia Child all about how she's cooking a French dish wrong just because he can't stand a womam being competent about something.

He got arrested a few months ago in a prostitution sting. No one was surprised.

Forgive my ignorance, but what is "mansplained"?

to a woman just because she's a woman.
They just assume you don't know something.

Oh! Learned a new vocabulary word today.

mansplaining:

The tendency of some men to mistakenly believe that they automatically know more about any given topic than does a woman and who, consequently, proceed to explain to her- correctly or not- things that she already knows.

Don't forget "at great length" in your definition. :)

Today I told some Ethiopians that they needed to take the legs off a courch before it would fit through the door.

They literally could not figure out how to do that, so they used force.

Afterwards, my friend said they couldn't believe that a woman had the answer. I told him I couldn't believe they couldn't use a screwdriver.

It's the age-old story.


Anagrammy

Oh Dear Gawd,that's funny.

;o)

Yeesh

Conversely, the person doing this to me accuses me of "explaining" things to them all the time, when I absolutely don't. They say things like, "You think I'm stupid, don't you?" Voicing my own opinion or views is seen as "explaining" to them. They accuse me of doing this to them, while simultaneously negating everything I say in the process.

This sounds like gaslighting.

& when I finally called them on it, they said that I was actually doing it to them. That I was the abuser, & th one fucking with their head. They always say, "Get out of my head!"

:(

Are you sure this friend of yours isn't married to me?

Infinite Dreams Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> & when I finally called them on it, they said that
> I was actually doing it to them. That I was the
> abuser, & th one fucking with their head. They
> always say, "Get out of my head!"


It's called DARVO: Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender.The whole point is to redirect the conversation to make you defend and question yourself.

I spent six years with one of those. It's hard to do, but try to refuse to respond when they turn things around. Mansplainers think you're not smart enough to see what they're trying to do. You can say something like, "We're not talking about me, we're talking about you....", or better yet, just walk away and refuse to engage.

Yup.

;o)

Yup mansplaining and the word "gas" go together like two peas in a pod.

We're with you "Infinite Dreams." I promise . . . you are not the crazy one.

;o)

Oh gosh - this was one of the things about the church that ate away at me.

ANY man could (and did) cut off, condescend, patronize, contradict, interfere, ignore, shame, assign ANY woman at any time.

99 per cent of the women didn't even notice. They thought this was just fine.

It is such a relief not to be "presided over" by the brethren. <sigh>

Mansplained...I do like that one! I do say the morg is about as male dominated as they come. Look no further than the temple ceremony of days past. My wife thought it curious she had to promise obedience to me but not visa versa.

I'm very ashamed to admit that I've been guilty of hurtfully correcting my sweet wife in the past. I didn't realize at the time that it is an arrogant insistence on asserting a male superiority. I blame a deeply chauvinistic structure and my own stupidity in latching on to it.

Thanks be to my loving wife for lovingly pointing that out and putting up with me in my steep learning curve! And it only took a simple clubbing over the head! :)

I can see you ladies smiling now! By the way, just why DO you put up with the likes of we men??

DW is a practical down-to-earth farmer's daughter and is frank, opinionated, and outspoken. I learned a long time ago not to mansplain her. That just doesn't fly! The better approach is "What do you think about this?" or "Here's my view of this, what do you think?" Then be damn sure to listen!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/03/2013 11:02PM by rationalguy.

If I ever tried that with my girlfriend she would be pissed.

Along with "mansplain" and "whitesplain" I decided we need to
invent the workd "Mormsplain."

My definition of Mormsplain, is the tendency of any Mormon, when
confronted with a challenge to his beliefs or claims, to expound
on some common point of doctrine which is tangential to the
challenge and then assume that the challenge has not only been
met but totally demolished.

Usually it consists of going into sunday-school teacher mode and
repeating pre-fab lines and phrases.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,617059,617059#msg-617059

I was married for thirty one years to a man who would say, if I disagreed with him,"You can't think that" or "You can't believe that". The tone of voice and look on his face was one of disgust. What he meant was, "I thought you were smart, but since you don't agree with me you must be dumb and I really can't believe that I ever thought otherwise". The best thing about being divorced is owning my thoughts and feelings.

Very good Baura! I like the word "Mormsplain" and your definition.

Infinite dreams-just remember that your abuser tells lies to support his reality. he has to lie in order for him to rule his world because he is a pathetic, insecure, POS. You own what is in your head, your screen name says it all. Don't let this fool make you doubt yourself, your mind is your own.

"I know I have to get away from this family. I'm trying my best to."

You said it! Please do get away. No one deserves this kind of abuse. It is tearing you down. Life is just too short to put up with this BS. You can do this!!! Good luck and big hugs from this MexMom.

I've noticed that (mansplaining) in movie theaters a couple of times. A younger couple will be sitting nearby, and the guy will keep up a running commentary almost throughout the entire movie, explaining to his female companion what is going on, who the characters are, and any symbolism in the movie. Irritating and annoying. The girl usually just nods as her date is talking.

Just let her watch the movie!

I am guilty of this. Kinda. I don't do it in theaters (!), and I only do it with movies I love and want my watching companion (usually female, because I don't watch movies one-on-one with guys very often) not to miss out on details that really are probably not that missable. Unless my movie watching partner is.. um.. distracted, which she often is because we have different motivations for watching a movie.

I think I need to stop taking some of my movie watching so seriously.

Last movie I sat in the living room in a computer chair a little behind the couch so my husband had to crane his neck to see me. He stares at my reactions as I watch movies and makes sure I am paying attention. It was a lot of fun to see him constantly turning.

AMAZING!!!! I have an whole new vocabulary!!!!!! Been there done it all, LOVE that I can now explain it so well.

Previously I used terms like spousal mental abuse, church authority abuse, mind games, etc etc etc.

Thanks, wait till I hit some of my friends with my new terms!!! What fun!!!

Sorry Infinate Dreams I did not mean to be insensitive. I know what this sort of abuse is like. It is soul destroying (even if you don't beleive in souls anymore). Far be it from me to advise anyone, but it is my experience that men who are RIGHT never change. It is cruel and demeaning to you to have to put up with it. I have never regretted getting away from it all and really finding that I am quite and intelligent and amazing person, despite being told for 20 years that I was SO stupid because I didn't agree with him! All the VERY best from me to you. You are in my thoughts!!

Ugh - misogynist know-it-alls are a special hell all their own.

InfinteDreams, I am so sorry to hear you're being subjected to one of the most glaring forms of psychological abuse that TSCC is perfectly structured to teach and promote - making women feel inferior and unimportant, to always doubt their intelligence or competence, and committing such abuse with false "authority".

Please take care of yourself, and continue making plans for your eventual departure and freedom. Hang in there.