I thought I'd know this, but all I know is that people get dead dunked here on earth and then have the choice to join; but do missionaries leave the CK on their Kolob Cycles and head over to the "other" heavenly neighborhoods to give them the discussions?? And are they asked to commit to Super Baptism at the first meeting by Jesus himself just to make sure?? Do they get milk before meat?? Does God simply say "Hey, you're dead dunked, you know what's true now, where's my 10%??"

> but do missionaries leave the CK on their Kolob Cycles and head over to the "other" heavenly neighborhoods to give them the discussions??

Sounds right. But don't the recently dead also do afterlife missionary work? Does God call them directly upon kicking the bucket?

> And are they asked to commit to Super Baptism at the first meeting by Jesus himself just to make sure??

I used to believe that they just "know" when they accept it that they need to haunt temples and I thought when I first went a baptizing dead people that they were so crammed in there that I was in a crowd of dead spirits.

> Do they get milk before meat??

I thought they got a download direct from God of everything in His plan. So if they didn't accept it was like someone here not accepting their reality.

> Does God simply say "Hey, you're dead dunked, you know what's true now, where's my 10%??"

What is the spiritual equivalent of tithing? I used to think we were the currency in the form of our souls that good and evil fought over. Tithing was supposed to be how God funded good. Now looking back what a dupe I was. God knowing the first from the last could make "His work and glory" much more successful. He is basically consigning 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 percent of His children to a Limbo Party in either of two "kingdoms."

BUT wheres the faith in it!?! Remember ol Joe said the reason the BoM was taken back was cuz its a matter of faith. If youre already there theres no test of faith. NO enduring to the end! No letter of the law wow. Gawd ! I GOT RIPPED!!

they don't.....'cause they're dead....DUH....

Ron Burr

To my understanding they would get missionaries sent to them in spirit prison. I sort of figured that when they woke up after being dead and saw that they were not really dead they would be looking pretty hard to find the Mormons. That's what I told all my non Mormon family to do when they woke up after they died. "Listen to the Mormons and not the others". LOL

I think they have to have heavenly ipads now. They'll get a heaven-mail message when they have been dunked. Those, like Elvis, who get dunked 8 times keep getting spamed, like "LAST CHANCE to cash in on this great deal. Go to the CK where you get genitals and women!"

That way the Celestial Missionaries don't have to lower themselves and make a visit to spirit prison, they can do it all from Kolob.

Well, I don't think it has been "revealed". It is a bit, unexplainable, and bothered me when I believed. I mean, you're dead, but your spirit is living on, in spirit prison, whatever that is. The Mormon missionaries come knocking on your spirit prison cell door and offer you a way out...just accept JESUS and Joey and Briggy and the BOM and you're outta jail! I mean, I'd take the offer, if that was the way it worked. I mean I assume the JWs don't get to wander around peddling their stuff, so if somebody is peddling religion in heaven (or spirit prison or hell), then they must be sanctioned by whomever runs the place, right? OK, I know we can't make any sense of it because it's all made up stuff....

In spirit prison they all sit in a big circle in the dark in hard metal chairs and politely raise their hand when they see their names presented on the overhead projector as someone on earth is baptizing them biproxy. If a missionary isn't there or doesn't call on them to come forward then it's too late. They have to wait for their name to hopefully be recycled again on another day.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2013 04:10PM by snuckafoodberry.

Since a very young age, I've imagined spirit prison as a black and white wireframe 3D environment with oversized 3D black and white spiders and scorpions crawling around tormenting people.

As far as how they escape from this tron-lie world...I have no idea.

Where do you think zombies come from?

Ok, bad joke.

Boy oh boy , has the Morg poisoned the well or what . I personally think that too many posters are hanging on to false ideas . Reality after mortality most likely won't even be close to what a lot of preconceived notions are . What if you simply return to a universe of intelligence and experience in a form unfamiliar to all here . A ' matrix ' of all of creation from throughout the multiverse , where God is in fact a sum total of all of our knowledge pooled .

Gives new meaning to the "dead fish" handshakes we've all experienced in church!

OK... This is what I was taught... It's all bull, but we know that.

Anyway... When we die, we don't get to go straight to our final Glories (Celestial, Telestial and Terrestrial, or outer darkness, where the party will be), we go to the "spirit world" where we wait for our turn at resurrection.

The good spirits go to the mormon version of spirit heaven, non-mormons go to spirit prison. Here in spirit prison, Missionaries from Mormon spirit Heaven travel to spirit prison to teach the truth to those who didn't get a chance to learn it in their life.

Apparently, even with overwhelming evidence, some will still turn it down. Why? our wishes and desires are even more hard to control without a body. If we were a devout Lutheran, it will be that much harder to convert afterwards... Nice, right? If you heard about the church at all, and then passed on it, the interview to have your baptism is really, really hard and you may have to go through some extra steps since you had a chance while you were alive. Some have said that ex-mo's like us are just plain out of luck.

Anyway, people still living here on Earth are working on doing baptisms for everyone who died (often more than once, got to be sure!). If you manage to overcome your spiritual stubbornness, and agree to convert, then the baptism will "stick", if not, then it doesn't stick and you don't get to go to the CK, no matter what, this is your last chance, really... Don't blow it, I mean Jesus is standing right there, why aren't you listening?

So, finally, you've accepted mormon's version of religion. Eventually, you get in line for resurrection and assignment into one of the kingdoms... Our own "anointedone" jumps to the front of the line and gets to go straight to the CK due to his 2nd anointing! Yay for him! If you made it to the CK, then you get assigned to one of the glories there.

It's unclear if someone who has posthumously converted can make it to the uppermost kingdom. Some say no, you had to hear it while you were alive the first time... Some say, that's not fair and God is nothing if not not fair (right?) and everyone gets a chance at becoming a God in their own right.

So, there you have it, if you want to wait to convert until after you die, it's best that you stop researching the church now, ignorance really is bliss when it comes to religion.

In spirit prison I will be forced to wear a pink jumpsuit. I will sleep in an off-white tent.

Sheriff Joe [Smith] will watch over me. I will be periodically let out to work on a chain gang on Kolob.

I will be permitted to watch the Disney Channel, but am forbidden to read porno or lift weights, smoke ciggies or drink "hot beverages" of any kind.

The spirit prison officials have whittled our spiritual meals down to 40 shekels per meal. Consequently, spiritual bologna will be fed to prisoners at almost every meal.

Any Lamanite caught giving gang signals gets thrown into "outer darkness" where all the ACLU attorneys reside.

This is how my dark skinned ancestors passed down the story to me.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2013 06:37PM by Senoritalamanita.

The more I read, the more I think mormon heaven will be like the Department of Motor Vehicles....

You see, when Geezus died on the cross he ofcourse went to the spirit world which as you might know is divided into two places - spirit paradise and spirit prison. There he organized his most faithful followers to go to spirit prison and do missionary work. Presumably it's done just like here on earth (actually it presumably IS here on earth but on another dimension or something). That is, if you thought you'd escape people getting in your face trying to sell you something you were wrong.

And then the dead can choose to accept or reject mormonism. From the testimonials of a bunch of teary-eyed old ladies acceptance of mormonism appearantly means they'll stay in a mormon temple somewhere and wait, usually for decades or centuries. (This gives me the suspicion that spirit prison might actually be physically located in mormon temples.) Eventually when the secret...eh...sacred(!) rituals have been done for them they are allowed to enter spirit prison where they can continue to wait for the resurrection.

The message is texted to them with everything spelled wrong.

That question will be answered to us in the hereafter.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2013 04:52AM by egomet.

Wouldn't everybody just accept it after death? They have it easier than the mormons of earth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2013 08:45AM by 48erhater.

"It'll all be sorted out in the hereafter."

I can clear this up quite easily.

When a dead dunk occurs here, the reincarnated entity (RE) minding their own business in another universe hears a knock at their door (or bubbling of their ectoplasmic entryway). They look to see who it is and it's a pair of Mormon missionaries.

After the knock/bubbling and seeing who it is, the RE calls out to its 5 life-bond mates: "Ah, shit honeys - it's the Marmot Masslebots again!"

Then the 5 lifebonders vibrate in unison: "Tell them we left the Marmot church, but try to invite them in! We'll give them some ClearThink cookies that will remove those pesky parasites sucking their brain dry."

Dead dunking really is so special. It provides those who are no longer alive in our reality the precious opportunity to hear and accept the one true church in the next one. However, it's still an enterprise loaded with risks, and it can easily backfire on the new set of masslebots if ClearThink cookies come into play. This is why masslebots, er, missionaries in other realities should not accept cookies from anybody.

I think this makes just about as much sense as anything TSCC tries to come up with to explain it :P

I am not sure, but it seems to involve baptizing them multiple times. So much so, that people they specifically don't want to baptize, and whom people would probably object to doing their work, upon receiving and recognizing the person's name, such as Adolf Hitler, still have been done seven or so times.

"Spirit Prison"??????????????? WTF?? I must have been daydreaming when that lesson was taught....

Ron Burr

After people are necrodunked, the mormon forms showing the date, place, etc. also have a place to check later for "confirmation" etc.

There are places to fill in sealings to the necrodunked individual.

My impression is that mormons say that the dead can refuse the necrodunking done for them, but they proceed as if all dead-dunkings are accepted. They are all "confirmed."

without dead dunking, people in heaven don't get the choice to join ?

are there any other clubs in heaven that people can join ?

Wait, I am getting personal revelation on this.....OK, I see a long queue, lots of paperwork and a huge downpayment. Oops, connection severed. That's all I got.