Posted by:
Joy
(
)
Date: July 13, 2013 04:08AM
You are rushing yourself. You need to get over your Mormon-induced quest for perfection. You want to be the perfect divorced person, who never cries, and is seen at the next party with a model as your date. Sometimes, I wanted to hire someone, so for just on Sunday, I wouldn't appear as a loser and a loner. Mormons place too much emphasis on being married--after all, it is their ONLY ticket to the Celestial Kingdom. Let go of false beliefs!
You are human, and humans are imperfect. It is normal to start crying when you hear a certain song that reminds you of your lost love. Everybody is different. It was easy for me to stop loving my ex. My love for him was ripped out of my heart, when he told me he was abandoning our children, as well as me. He said he didn't want a family, didn't want to have to visit the children, didn't want them in his life at all, and, especially wouldn't pay any child support for them. What he put us through was horrible, and sudden, and I had to crawl into bed sometimes, like a patient recovering from having something removed. Later, I realized that was easier for us to recover, having everything removed like that, so we could start a new life. My ex didn't come back to haunt me--my children and I never saw him again, except about 4 times, in passing, at a few weddings and funerals. This was not my choice, but now I'm glad we didn't try to be friends, or drag things out.
Like Cl2, I had several children to raise, and life. went. on. He left at Christmas time, and Santa had to come through! It was a very bad winter, and we were in a mountain cabin, miles away from my family. We had never had to live in a place where it snowed. One morning I woke up early, and our furnace had gone out, and I thought we all were going to die. This thought of perishing because you are alone, is common. I stopped crying, and said, "OK, God. Bring it on! I made a nice fire for the kids to get dressed in front of. None of the roads were plowed, and the cars were all buried. We had to dig away the snow, to get out the front door. It was a breathtakingly beautiful sight! We made some snow men, and created a snow side. Our handsome neighbor rode up on his palomino, in snow up to the stirrups, and said no one could get in or out, and he offered to bring us back what we needed, but we didn't need anything, except our mail from the post office. I felt that I was suddenly thrust into another world, but it was sort of exciting.
Someone once said, "If you have only a few dollars left, buy yourself some flowers." Or the male equivalent. You need to treat yourself like a king, for a while. Slow down. It will get better. It will. Wait 3 months. Even in the most frightening times, we could laugh. A few days after we were abandoned, our 2 year old got the croup in the middle of the night, in a bad blizzard, and she was gasping for breath and turning blue. The hospital told us to bring her in, and asked us our route, and sent someone out in a jeep to meet us. I will never forget my little kids helping me dig the car out, and my baby bundled in the stroller in the snow. The cold air helped her, and she began to laugh (honk like a horn) in delight, watching the snow fly everywhere. Little dramatic challenges like that brought us closer together. We have had plenty of adventures, bad, but mostly good. Every Christmas, the kids remember our Christmas, alone in the mountains. My father flew in from the East Coast, as soon and weather permitted, and he helped us chop down a Christmas tree from the neighbor's farm. He stayed with us until we could move into a place in the city. My father was my knight in shining armor. Surely you have someone who loves you! Look around.
Having that narcissistic, cheating troll of a husband leave us, was the beginning of the beginning! It helped my kids grow into independent, successful, loyal adults, and I became a career woman, instead of the TBM SAHM I had always dreamed of being. We are happy! I never want to get married again. What we have is worth the price of occasional loneliness in the past. There are things far worse than loneliness. You don't need a spouse in order to be happy.