Today I attended my sons Patriarchal Blessing. I wanted to show him that even though I don't believe in the church, I will support him as best as I can in what he feels are important events in his life. I had a few takeaways from that event that I would like to share.

- I was freaked out the moment I stepped into the patriarchs home. The whole place is a shrine to JS. It sickened me to sit in a room surrounded by images of a con-artist. He had his obligatory couple of art pieces depicting Christ, but most of the items had to do with either JS or temples.

- As I sat listening to the blessing, I couldn't help but think that I could have given the same blessing if I had wanted to. A couple of items that were in his prayer have me a bit concerned though. One is that he told my son that he would baptize many people on his mission. I worry about what kind of pressure that will place on him while he is out in the field. The other was that he will marry a "pure" sister. WTF? So if he falls in love with someone and finds out they aren't "pure" that he'll feel like he needs to break up so that he follows what was said in his blessing?

- I find it interesting how people can have different impressions from the same event. At the end of the prayer, my wife was crying and saying how great the blessing was. While at the same time I'm thinking that there was nothing special about it and that I bet he's given that almost exact same blessing to hundreds of other people. I'm not sure what my son thinks about it. His face was kind of unreadable. I'm hoping that it was a let down, but I'm not sure if he'll discuss it if it was or not, seeing as how it's suppose to be one of the "special" blessings that you shouldn't share with those that don't believe.

- I didn't realize that BY made up his own alphabet. After the blessing was given, the patriarch felt it necessary to give a show and tell of several items in his shrine. One was a book written to teach new members this new alphabet that would be used for reading the BoM. The patriarch then went on to say that he's glad it never caught on so that he wouldn't be required to learn it.

Upset her quite a bit. Maybe she will hate me when she is grown. I couldn't do it.

I can relate.

Maybe if she ends up maturing into anything resembling you (she does have your DNA) one day she will understand and be proud of your style of integrity.

It could happen.

We have to be true to ourselves. Our kids need to learn to love us unconditionally too.

I needed that today.

It's a case of "you find what you're looking for". If your wife was searching for a testimony-strengthening and spiritual experience..well, then she got it. By tscc standards, she "had the Spirit with her".
And you took a rational approach and saw it for what it really was: a rather vague "blessing" you could have given yourself, with a few potentially harmful points added in.
I've viewed by PB in both ways, while in and out of tscc. It's mind-boggling how much weight I used to place on the "promises" in there, but now I seem them as "decent suggestions" at best.

I'd love to hear about how your son viewed it, if you find it appropriate to share here or in another post. In my experience, a PB can send a person down a path of hardcore TBM-ness, so it'd be good to have at least one good talk about it with him now/in the future, imho.
Good on you for supporting your son. I'm sure he appreciates you for it :)

I'd also be interested in your son's take on it. I know mine was a letdown. My Tbm sister planned her whole family around hers. It said something about being a mother to sons and daughters of god. So she kept having children until she had more than one boy and girl. It took five total to get to that point.

Seriously!? That's wacked that she took it THAT literal. Gawd, what a cluster.

My parents did that too. Kept having kids till they got both boys and girls. Had five girls and two boys because it said my mom would have daughters and sons. I always feel like my youngest two siblings (girl and boy) feel like they weren't really wanted because of that. My mom used to say that she never really wanted seven kids.

As a convert, I was told so many times that PB were absolutely not to be shared. It was a horrible thing to let anyone glance at your blessing or to glance at anybody else's. After being in the church awhile and seeing other people's blessings, I saw that many of the statements were basically the same! Gee, I guess maybe we were warned to not share so we would avoid seeing that they are like fortune cookies! Participating in this forum is showing me how gullible I was about so many things! How could I be so blind?

First...that my dead grandfather whom I had never met was in the room. There was one empty chair, so when it was over, and everyone opened their eyes they immediately stared at the chair - or the air on top of it.

Second...that I would become a "judge in Israel" (ie. a bishop). Ever since that time, I did things to keep me from going up that ladder...like turn down "heavy" callings, including high councilman.

My non Mormon (actually anti-Mormon) father took me to my P.B. To this day I am proud that my dad put aside his anger towards Mormonism to support me. Good for you too. Even if your son leaves the church some day, or not, he will remember you cared enough for him to let him follow his own conscience. Good way to show unconditional love.

I am a nevermo, so please take what I say with a whole handful of salt if you think it is advisable, BUT...

Since this is a patriarchal blessing, your son will remember it and very likely place a great deal of weight on what was said. So:

If I were you, I would have a number of different, highly "spontaneous" and informal, "talks" over the upcoming months and years (until your son chooses the person he wants to be married to) about the word "pure." I would emphasize that, although this word is frequently used to refer specifically to physical sexual activity, that it is actually a word which has far more complex meanings: being "pure in heart," for example. I would have your son look up the various meanings of "pure" and think about whether true love, sincere commitment, and a caring, respectful heart doesn't get MUCH closer to the "real" meaning of "pure."

And, as your son matures, I would add more complexities (in accord with the level of his accruing adulthood), like:

1) Can a rape, incest, or abuse victim be "pure", even if they are no longer a physical virgin?

2) Is someone who sincerely loved someone else still "pure"--even if that person died, moved away, or there was a break-up?

3) Is someone who might sincerely be in love with HIM [your son] still "pure" if there is or has been sexual activity between them?

4) Is someone still "pure" if they are vaginally virginal, but orally or anally not? What if a young woman has had gynecological examinations (where instruments AND fingers are inserted into the vagina AND anus)...because, by the time a young woman is ready for marriage, and for a wide variety of reasons, gynecological exams may well have been a reality in her life.

And so on. If, every few weeks or months (as you feel best) you have an informal mini-discussion with your son on the subject of what actually does constitute "purity" in real life people, by the time your son is ready for choosing his marital partner, he ought to have "talked out," and shed, most of the negative programming which was included in his patriarchal blessing.

Maybe this wouldn't work for you and your son, but if this was ME and if I was in this situation, this is what I would do.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2013 07:22PM by tevai.