I think the best thing about the church is the social structure. Everyone thinks the same thing, everyone is an instant friend (even if it's fake), people help each other, it's nationwide (you can almost always find a church within driving distance.)

Anyone else find something similar? Or maybe you can suggest organization that you have found interest in?

Pubs..

I think that's one of the scary things when you anticipate taking on the world without the comfort of Mormonism, especially if you are a lifelong member.

I'm not sure that there's a quick an easy replacement out there. I will say that in recent years I've noticed how I've limited myself to my LDS friends and experiences without realizing it. As I've looked back, many people have offered me their friendship and I've held them at arm's length b/c we didn't have the common religious beliefs. So perhaps once we step back from Mormonism we will find that there are opportunities we hadn't seen before.

It probably depends on your stage of life too. There are many support groups for mothers of young children, for example. There's also book clubs, community athletic teams, service organizations, other churches, etc that offer chances to socialize and form a network of friends.

In short, no. It is hard to replace a cult.

You can get to a similar place, but it takes more work cultivating actual friendships with people who have common interests.

I would recommend identifying a strong interest you have, find an online community of people of similar interests and work those contacts into real life friends.

It takes more work, but the relationships are genuine, built on common interests and not lies, and do not cause 10% of your income to be flushed away to the whims of the Big15.

Some find the support in other church communities, but that has not worked for me. Just doesn't feel right.

Dawkins Wrote:
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> In short, no. It is hard to replace a cult.

Ab, see, there's the answer: replace one cult with another!

Our community seems to do drop-in socializing in coffee shops and restaurants and meet new friends that way.

We also have a couple of bookstores that encourage people to hang out by having activities. A magazine store hosts a "tasting" from a local restaurant once a month and that's real popular.

People organize based on their interests. Dog lovers meet fellow dog lovers while dog walking. Gardening folks connect with others at the nursery. Do-it-yourself house remodelers make connections with others doing the same thing at the big hardware store.

Yarn shops, nurseries, hardware stores, pet stores and even small specialty grocery stores have classes.

You can go to community meetings and meet people who share an interest in your neighborhood (lots of arguing, be forewarned) but I think better friends are made by just doing what you like to do and being friendly while doing it.

That is why the task at hand facing the future once you have pulled off the face mask of the eternal smile, is to find out what your suppressed, buried, never-developed interests and talents are.

Mormonism doesn't allow you any time for personal hobbies. You don't really have enough time for your children let alone working with metal sculpture or painting flowers like you always wished you could.

Now's the time to go for it. I recommend the help given by Julia Cameron in "The Artist's Way" to discover your creative self.

Best

Anagrammy

There is nothing guaranteed in life. What provides one with "social comfort" may deny individual freedom.


You decide.

Democratic party. Everyone thinks the same. Lots of requests to volunteer. Within driving distance. Nationwide. (They changed the boundaries I'm back at the Mexican Restaurant meetup. Hurray for Margaritas and the chimichanga sampler plate.)

At the more extreme end of the spectrum the Tea Party is really active in my area. (They even conspired to run an Hispanic dupe as a candidate in an attempt to dilute the Hispanic vote. Violated disclosure laws, but they evaded the subpenas and SOS lost interest within days.)

Much more interesting than Sacrament Meeting either way you lean.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/19/2013 01:17PM by crom.

Hey are you in AZ? Our dem party meetup is at a Mexican restaurant lol

LD 17?

I really want to go, but I drive a kid to Tae Kwon Do right at that time. (But he could survive with a little disappointment in his life.)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/19/2013 11:25PM by crom.

Freedom is difficult, but for me, it's the only way to go.

Social structure substitutes..depends on what interests you as an individual. Do you like outdoor activities or reading or cooking or painting or theater or what? There are many classes to take or groups to join...

....if you are not sure what interests you, then it's time to get to know yourself...take some courses at your local community center, adult school, or what have you....just start somewhere...best way to learn is trial and error...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/19/2013 01:27PM by 2+2=4.

its too late for you to join sea org but maybe your children could, and then their time would be structured too.

I heard Jehovah Witnesses structure their time nicely too.

Are you male? google trappist abbey or monk. You can visit and do a retreat if you are interested in a very structured life Oh you have to be CaTHOLIC BUT, they might take a convert.
Remember, they will be interviewing YOU, & they might not be interested because they don't even keep all their Catholics.

Military organizations especially schedule your time on cruise or in a war, however, but, you still have to make small talk after work.

anything else? am I missing something? Where else do they structure you time really well? Husband: "conventions. You could just sign up for a multitude of conventions and stucture your time away. Oh don't forget to eat." oh, another problem- you have to talk when you're eating.

husband: "Join the national guard, they'll structure your week ends for you." husband: "or commit a crime. go to jail the ultimate structuring." wife- no they have to do small talk in there.

Husband: "contact some new disease that science has never seen before, I guaraaantee your time will be constructive and structured, and make sure to get used to bright lights."

I think that's about it.

Seriously, I'd join a club, if you farm, go to eat breakfast with the other men off the farm- drink the coffee. go to the parade. sponsor a float in each parade you possibly can.

We are active in the local Rotarian Club. I know it sounds old school, but I believe it strives for ethical standards and service to others..
It is worldwide.

We have non-mormon friends we can enjoy a glass of wine with, and those that are mormon tend to be "think outside the box" type.

I like the Four Way Test of Rotary:

Is it the truth?
Is it fair to all concerned?
Will it build good will and better friendship?
Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

There has been some talk about this by some atheists. Jonathan Haidt talks about the religious response and some of the other group responses people have in his book, The Righteous Mind. The response--the spirit to Mormons--really occurs in some people. Triggers include rhythm (marching in the military), community involvement, music and so on. And there are atheists who respond to these triggers too.

But the response is not universal as we often see here at RFM with people who never received the spiritual witness. Like me.

There's a British atheist who has talked about the need for a structured group to benefit those who respond to these triggers. I can't remember his name. His description is rather heavy handed and lacks respect for the common people, but his observation that such a group would be good for many is true. Essentially to put humanism in the place of religion and still meet the evolved response that makes community efforts effective and fulfilling to the members of the community. Trigger what people feel as spirituality, but without the baggage of god.

Ummm....

Please just don't start a new cult.

But he's knows such a great business model!

There will always be those who confuse their brain chemistry with reality. Simple fact of high population samples.

Someday, there might be a treatment for it, but until then, there will be religious extremists on most anything.

Nope; too much like Stepford Wives.

Like the comment that it is hard to replace a cult. So true. But I think outside of a cult it is always family, workplace friendships, old friends from schools, and common activity friends such as hiking, political groups, workout, kids sporting events, and for women kids groups that they take their kids too. From these couples often get together. So glad there is no fake friendships on a large scale there.

I was a military wife and my only group of female friends was our wives group. It worked for 12 yrs. but man after that I was ready to move on.

McDonalds is to find cuisine as

Mormonism is to a healthy social structure.

There would be some obvious differences of course.

But, it's something you can try without a lot of pressure, and if it's not right for you - they don't mind if you move on to something that does fit you.

Meet up dot com has lots of different groups by local people for common interests that are secular.

Some posters had good times with particular organizations with church shopping after they found ones that they "believed in" enough.

I was introduced to the Irvine (CA) United Church of Christ, which had recently before then become "open and affirming." I'm gay, so that was very appealing. After a few visits, my then partner and I became regular members. There are several reasons I began attending:

* I missed the social aspects of Mormonism
* The pastor didn't care what my individual beliefs were, and treated them as my private concerns.
* I could sing in their choir, and be part of special events (Spring play, summer retreats, Christmas & Easter programs, etc.)
* I could participate in the service by being a reader (similar to someone who would conduct an LDS service)
* I could go to their social functions (holiday parties, dinner exchanges, Pride Parade marching, etc.)
* I could attend religious classes, or not attend, as I wished.
* I could volunteer to teach sunday school, if I wished to.
* I could volunteer to help out with "coffee hour" - or not.

For me, it was a perfect transition out of Mormonism and into the more real world of Christian worship.

After 6 years, I stopped attending there because of some job-related issues.

Not once did anyone from IUCC ever contact me to get me to come back.

Sounds like you had a good experience. And not contacting you when you left is the standard for mainstream churches. Why should we care. Mostly the number in attendance stays the same ...some leave and others come to participate.

My church surprised me tho. I was gone for a month and I guess they missed my tithing....only way they would know if I was there or not. I got a short note of "Hope you will join us this wk in church. We miss you." I bet they did miss my piddly offering. I was just busy that month and couldn't do anything Sun. morn. I wanted to be at home.