Growing up in the church, you're told stories of how people search & search & search for a "true church". And then they find TSCC & their search is over & they live happily ever after, blah blah blah...

I was always told how blessed I was "to be born in the covenant". That I was lucky I didn't have to "search" like these other converts & feel lost, & the confusion & loneliness they experienced before they joined the church.

When I left the church, I felt great. Now, a few years after leaving & living as an agnostic, I'm starting to feel lost. I don't know if this is my childhood speaking, but I'm starting to get a spiritual hunger. I feel like I'm missing something & I don't know what. I've been wanting to pray, but I'm not sure how or who to pray to. I'm even feeling slightly guilty for feeling this need to pray, because I haven't believed in a god for years. I look like a hypocrite.

There is no way I'd ever go back to TSCC, however I am needing some sort of spirituality. The problem is I don't know where to find it!

So, here I am, feeling just like the people in the stories I was told as a little girl who were lost, confused, lonely. I don't want to be part of organized religion, but I don't know how or where I'd find what I need. Or perhaps Mormonism is still ingrained in me & I don't even know it, & this is just my childhood talking. Maybe I need to shake off "old habits". I don't know!

I am so conflicted right now, it's ridiculous.

Has anyone else felt like this, & if so, what did you do?

Lucy

I see spirituality as a principle of human life; it's not exclusively the domain of the religious and doesn't require belief in a god. It's more than that - spirituality is a profound respect for life, awe at the wonders of existence.

To me, spirituality is that which gives our lives purpose. For example, I've always felt a compulsion toward studying the ancient past, and the greatest spiritual experience of my life was standing in the courtyard of Djoser's step pyramid. I saw the thumbprint on a mud-brick from a worker who lived and died nearly 5000 years ago, and I felt an overwhelming sense of kinship with him.

The documentary Cave of Forgotten Dreams, which discussed the paintings found in Chauvet Cave, drawn 30,000 years ago, changed my life and drew me closer to humanity than I had been in the 30 years I spent as a devout Mormon.

I can sympathize with feeling lost without the comfort of religion. It can be hard to imbue your own life with meaning, to discover what makes our struggles worthwhile. I frequently feel like that. It's in moments like this, though, where I take the time to reflect on what is important and wonderful to me that I rediscover my spirituality.

I never stopped praying to God though I have not been to an organized service of any denomination in almost 40 years.

To me God never changed. The group of people and to what extent I allowed them control of my life changed.

Spiritual need is a natural need. It is hard to fill it after leaving.

I could take and tear apart any religion in a hour. They all have flaws and mistakes.

I learned that the Spirit of God is within us and all around us. Not in buildings of wood or stone. He is in the grain of sand and the mountain. The drop of rain and the ocean.

There is an old scripture "blessed is the one that leaves the multitude"

What I am trying to say in my inadequate way is,I found spiritual peace on my own, going directly to God. I believe everyone who tries, can do the same.

I wish you the best.

You are not going to find spirituality because it is not a real thing. You can have good feelings though. I think what you probably really miss is the feelings of community, and the assurances that everything is going to be alright, and you don't have to worry about what happens after you die. Luckily, if there is an afterlife, we won't have to worry, and if there isn't, we don't have to worry either, because we won't notice.

As for community, you've got us, and when you want actual physical contact, you can join an ex-Mormon get together group, if you are not in the Rocky Mountains, then I have a different suggestion.

Find something you really believe in. Rather it be in politics (so long as you don't disagree with me), theater, books, the environment, or so on, and find a group that gets together to share that interest. Hell, I've had offers to join a Dungeon and Dragons club, and I am really thinking about doing it, simply because it is a way to socialize with a diverse group of guys for a couple of hours every week. I have never played D&D, though I figure it is a lot like church, since it rotates around a bunch of made up stories involving magic and wizards.

lulavina wrote: "however I am needing some sort of spirituality. The problem is I don't know where to find it!"

I've never been religious (nevermo atheist) but I too sometimes crave something bigger than myself to chat with, help me, tell me what to do in life. I think it's just a normal human craving; the result of moments of feeling alone, insignificant, confused, overwhelmed etc as we live our lives on this planet (without a owner's manual!).

When I feel that craving I go commune with nature - in a forest, meadow, at the ocean, star gaze at night, whatever - it makes me feel better connected to life on planet Earth. I find that helps to remind myself that I'm just a wee human on a big planet, in a huge universe and it's all connected up. We are star dust and how cool is that! It sort of blows the cobwebs out of my head and allows me to feel more clear and chilled about life.

I'm not sure that I would call my approach 'spiritual' however it is very *meaningful* to me. I think having something or many things that are 'meaningful' in life is important... so, with that in mind, I don't think your needs are an 'old habit' that you need to shake off. Maybe you just need to find things that are meaningful to you (now that mo-ism is not!). And the best part is that you get to explore and determine for yourself what is meaningful! :-)