The other day I was asked to pray at a dinner with extended family who do not know that I have resigned--I simply declined and it was no big deal.

What do you do? What are your feelings about prayer now?

Speaking as an agnostic, sometimes I think it is a good opportunity to appeal to science and empiricism. However, generally, I have no interest in it.

My wife is interested in alternative prayers that she can offer (alternatives to traditional Mormon prayers but need not be theist or what have you).

Thanks!

An alternative to prayer is called a toast.

If they did, I'd say, "No, let someone else do it."

Wouldn't do it. Certainly not for food. Praying over food is one of the most moronic things a believer can do.

It can be fun to sneak in the little snarky prayers. "Oh Dear God (not heavenly father) thank you for the little things in life, like our extended family and this feast. Amen." Then just start eating!

See how many relatives you can befuddle.

In Japan people say "itadakimasu" which roughly translates to thank you to all who made this meal possible, we receive it with gratitude. The idea is you thank the sunshine, the rain, the farmer, grocer, cook...

That's a very, very rough translation indeed

;-)

I wouldn't really call it a "rough translation," since it accurately conveys what they're saying much better than a direct word-for-word translation would.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 11:44PM by nickname.

Dear great omnipotent being, you who knows all truth and gave us free agency to THINK,

We thank you for this day, I THINK it is Tuesday.
We thank you for our blessings, I THINK we each have several.
We thank you for this food, I THINK we are very fortunate.
We thank you for our freedom, I THINK we often take it for granted.
We ask you to bless this food to nourish our bodies that we may be healthy and able to make good choices, and THINK and learn your truths.
And we say this prayer in the name of MormonTHINK.com, AMEN.

You could certainly make a prayer to Zeus or Thor, and close in the name of Charles Darwin or Christopher Hitchens.

For the sleuth mormons, you could end it with "humbly in the name of Joseph Smith amen" and see if anyone spots the difference.

I think it would be great if someone changed the sacrament blessing cards to read Jesus H Christ, or end in the name of Joseph Smith amen.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 07:26PM by deco.

I always decline to pray. Once, after having a debate-conversation with some non-mormon christians, they asked if they could pray with me. I said no. They asked if they could pray for me. I said I'd be offended if they did.

Dear great sky god, who we cannot see, but hope exists in some form or fashion, please bless this food before us. Scratch that. I don't truly believe that you have the power to zap salmonella from this turkey. If it's contaminated, we're all getting the shits within 8 hours regardless of what we ask for right now. However, if you could, please give us a sign that there's a possibility you exist. After all, the true reason we want to believe is that we all fear death, and having some vague hope that the possibility of an afterlife exists is the reason we have created so much chaos in your name, including cutting the skin off a baby's penis right after birth. None of us want to die, so we have created you in our minds in order to have a glimmer of hope as we lie on our deathbeads. If you are a kind and benevolent being, though, please show it by making a Kardashian suffer. I'll let you be the judge of that, but make it horrible if you will. Thanks for your consideration, great sky god, and even though I'm pretty sure you don't exist, I still hold the slightest of hopes that you do by calling myself agnostic rather than atheist. Good night, sweet spirit.

This one's my vote. I particularly like to invoke a baby's clipped off foreskin over a good meal!

Thanks. I just pray to the great sky god that I could deliver the line without laughing.

Rub a dub dub
Thanks for the grub
Yea God!

We used that to annoy my mother more than once.

Jesus Christ, please don't let this food fucking kill us. God dammit not, that we will not get the shits. In the name of your daughter/lover/mother/god's baby daddy, Hail Mary, Amen

Holy Mother of Jesus, this food looks fucking amazing. God you better not fuck this up like you do everything else. Amen.

I was asked to bless the food by a Mormon "friend" who knew I had left the church. I did it but was extremely unhappy with him. We're not really friends anymore even though he later apologized.

If I was put in a similar situation today I would just decline and tell the person asking to ask someone else.

I don't pray for anyone.

The very last time I ever prayed out loud with the family over dinner was over a fast food meal. I thanked god for corporations like Taco Bell that make our lives so much easier to get our daily bread.

My children attended a private Christian school, and though it was a great school, the TBM grandparents were appalled. At a big Mormon fantaic Sunday dinner, my bishop father called on my 7-year-old son to give the blessing on the food. My son prayed,

"God is great,
God is good.
We are thankful
For this food.
Amen."

You could feel the tension, and see the glares across the table. After a long silence, my father said, "Well, that was an interesting prayer...."

I concentrated hard on other things, had to wait until the meal was over, before I could finally walk outside, and have a good laugh!

Later, my mother took me aside, and suggested that I teach my children to give "Mormon prayers" at the table. I said, "So, you don't think God heard my son's prayer?"

My son at that age learned:

The lord is good to me,
And so I thank the lord,
For giving me the things I need,
The sun, the rain, and the apple seed.

Oh, the lord is good to me.

From the Johnny Appleseed Disney animated feature.

That's actually nearly word for word what my kids pray every night at dinner. (Hubby is Presbyterian.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2013 10:15PM by mysid.

Like it. Probably overboard for most gatherings with TBM's... Great suggestions on here. I think I wills tick to letting others do the praying for me. I'm not a member of TSCC or any other SCC and have no use for prayer as such.

I give a prayer. No different than playing Santa Claus at Christmas. I usually sneak in a little humor, like patting myself on the back for selecting the cook, or paying for the food.

Of course, they think if they can get me to pray, I'll surely come back to the church. So I kind of like messing with them.

I think at some point in your "recovery" you will be able to mingle and participate with TBMs and do whatever you want. Don't have to reject everything they say or get drunk or whatever just to prove you hate everything Mormon.

Rubadubdub, thanks for the grub.

Good food
Good meat
Thanks God
Let's eat

For my purposes vis-a-vis meal prayers, this will work if need be (won't be "Thank God", but the rhyme appeals--maybe "Thank Mom/Dad" or whatever).

I would just change the 3rd line from
"Thank God" to "Good God" - with the right inflection, it sounds a bit offensive, but really funny.

True that.

My grandfather who was a rough and tough old rancher from Sanpete, always cussed a lot and didn't leave the house without a couple of cups of coffee, even when going to work in the temple in later years, would usually say this:

Bless the food,
Damn the meat.
Turn your plates,
And lets eat.

"Hey God! If you're up there, and you made everything, and you care what we think of it at all, thanks, we're big fans of your work. Particularly this food, at the moment! If you have any ability or inclination to interfere with our lives, we'd appreciate it if you watched out for us and made sure bad things don't happen to us. Amen."

I would say, "Thank you Jesus for this food, and by Jesus, I mean Jesus Sanchez because he planted it, grew it, harvested, and got it to the market for our table. I washed it and cooked it properly so I'm not needing any hocus pocus today--this time I mean the other Jesus."

Thanks to all for the food. We hope it is delicious to the taste and will bring health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews

It happened to me a few times before everyone knew I was completely gone. I simply said "no thanks" and left it at that.

If you think about it though, it is really insulting to the cook to pray over the food they've prepared. How would a mormon cook feel about someone saying "god help me" before putting the food in their mouth?