I don't think my being the only one in my large TBM family leaving mo'ism would have been near as difficult or painful as it was and continues to be.

I have no doubt if my DH (now ex) would have been the one to wake up to all of the lies and deceit in the church, he would have had it far easier.

I have 5 grown TBM married children in their 30's and 21 grandchildren. The church is their lives, and I contributed to that in every way you can imagine.

I was always a good mom and very close to my kids, but when I discovered the fraud at age 51 and then became vocal about it and stopped all church activity at age 56 after much study, they just thought I had lost it. " Mom has gone off the deep end." Some even thought I was possessed.

And now all of their love and loyalty goes to my abusive ex husband, who never did one thing for them growing up except provide financially.

I rarely see or hear from any of them, and I honestly believe they would be happy, or at least relieved, if I died. I rarely see my grandchildren either, and it hurts.

I believe with all that is in me that if DH would have left the church instead of me, he would have a much easier time. Somehow fathers seem to get an automatic respect much easier from their children than their mothers.

I really do think that if he had been the one to leave, at least 3, maybe even 4 of my 5 children would have started studying and be out by now, or at least not living it to the fullest like they do.

I have talked to other women who have had the same experience, and feel the same way, so I am not alone in these findings. It almost, not quite, makes me wish I had been born male.

So my theory is that men of grown children have a much easier time leaving the church than women, unless of course it is a woman who is lucky enough to follow her husband out.

But if she is the one that wakes up and leaves the fold, she pretty much leaves alone and in pain, and no one follows her out. Have any of you had a similar experience?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2011 04:52PM by think4u.

I think it depends on the person and the relationships. Of course I know that women aren't as respected altogether in the LDS culture, and the men are the decision makers, so what you say makes sense.

However, I know of many instances where the LDS wife has affairs and breaks up marriages, and the husband stands firm in his beliefs and obligations to the church, and the TBM kids still protect and are emotionally close to the mom.

Kids just sometimes give one parent all the breaks, and hold the other parent to a higher standard. Sometimes it's one gender, and sometimes the other.

A bond with a mom can be a little different than a bond with a dad. As a girl growing up, I sought my dad's approval more than my mom's, but I was closer to my mom. I wouldn't be surprised if when your girls hit their 40's they will come to your way of thinking because women in their 40's simply don't care about what men think of them anymore (no offense).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2011 07:16PM by suckafoo.

if your children were really christians they would understand that the commandment to honor your mother and father is not conditional on the parent living up to the expectations of the children.

"Somehow fathers seem to get an automatic respect much easier from their children than their mothers."

I disagree. The TBM 'mother' of my children had made stupid mistakes, and was incompetent and negligent to the point that it was a major contributor to my daughter's death. She was not prosecuted. However, the remaining children still interact with her and deal with her like nothing happened.

I agree with you, think4u, it was that way in my home growing up. Both of my parents were TBM and are still TBM, however, growing up, my Dad could do no wrong. What is it about the teachings of the church that causes the respect of the father but disrespect of the mother?

We've seen lots of posts here where the man leaves the church and then his wife is counselled by the Bishop and others to dump him and get a new Priesthood holder to head the home.

In the Mormon culture, anyone who leaves is automatically branded as unfit, unreliable and even undesirable. Often times people habve reported that the custody battles are won (in Utah/Idaho) by the parent who remains in the church.

Of course, that does not lessen your pain or diminish the experience. It is a hurtful thing to lose a spouse over something as silly as a religion.

I think that there is the Good ol' Boy network in the church and it is easy to band together against the female who leaves, but all told, if a woman leaves the men and the church will turn against her, and if a man leaves, the women and the church turn against him. He also faces a harsher repentance issue since as a Priesthood holder he has the responsibility for the spiritual intregrity of the entire family.

I am sorry this has happened to you.
It is unfortunate that the church trains us to hate our own families so easily.