What do you all do about weddings? My nephew is getting married soon and my wife and I have been invited.

But of course we'll have to wait outside the temple, or go to lunch, or something else while the rest of the family participates. We'll attend the reception later I suppose.

I've been away from the church for twenty years and don't have an antagonistic relationship with my family (any more), we just don't talk about the church.

I like my nephew a lot, but am already feeling angry about being excluded from the wedding itself. And by the way, this is the first of lots of nieces and nephews, so whatever my wife and I do with this first one sets the mold.

I'd send a polite note to your nephew stating that since you cannot attend his wedding because of the church's restrictive rules, you'll be looking forward to seeing him and his beautiful bride at the reception.

I personally find most weddings to be viciously boring, especially Mormon weddings. Mormon receptions are generally dreadful as well.

Would hell to freeze over and I ever got married again, I'd keep it extremely simple; probably just go to the registrars office. My oldest daughter says the same (she did have a nice non-Mormon wedding, which didn't cost me too much money.)

My attitude is that if I can't go into the temple I'm not invited to the wedding. I have a nephew that might be getting engaged and married in the near future. There's no way I'm going to wait outside the temple.

If I'm asked why I didn't show up at the temple I'll say I wasn't invited. If they tell me they want me to be in the pictures I'll tell them it seems too dishonest to be in pictures commemorating an event I didn't attend.

I'm planning on going to the reception, buying them an over-the-top present, etc. But if I can't attend the wedding I'm not going to wait outside like some sad, pathetic groupie.

bezoar Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My attitude is that if I can't go into the temple
> I'm not invited to the wedding. I have a nephew
> that might be getting engaged and married in the
> near future. There's no way I'm going to wait
> outside the temple.
>
> If I'm asked why I didn't show up at the temple
> I'll say I wasn't invited. If they tell me they
> want me to be in the pictures I'll tell them it
> seems too dishonest to be in pictures
> commemorating an event I didn't attend.
>
> I'm planning on going to the reception, buying
> them an over-the-top present, etc. But if I can't
> attend the wedding I'm not going to wait outside
> like some sad, pathetic groupie.


+100

If my absence inside isn't important, then my absence outside isn't either.

attending the reception. It is an insult all around and I don't care how you slice it..

My partner and I both come from large families, and have had half a dozen weddings in the past year. We have been very involved in the weddings and receptions, but We do not stand outside the temple for the mormon weddings.

My family has told me they do not condone our upcoming wedding and refuse to attend at all.

Don't even think twice about it. Go to the reception. That's it.

+1

I didn't wait outside the temple for my daughter, I arrived for pictures, only because she was my daughter. I have not waited at he temple or joined the wedding party for pictures for my nieces or nephews marriages but attended the wedding luncheons and receptions.

I'm approaching this from a different angle as I'm a never-Mormon.

There have been a few weddings in our circle that were very small, with close family only, followed by a large reception - and we were invited just to the reception. This didn't bother us; we went to the receptions and had a great time.

But, we weren't expected to go to the church or chapel and wait outside!

I would feel the same way about a Mormon wedding that I wasn't "qualified" to watch. Reception? Great, I'll be there. But waiting outside the site of the ceremony? No thank you.

I used to think that waiting outside was something I would never do.

Then I went to a family wedding where the grooms family wasn't mormon. They all waited outside in November weather. They were invited to stand in a waiting room, but declined. They were lined up on the steps when the wedding party came out. The distress and shame that the bride and groom felt was obvious. I know that the groom was mortified that his mother stood out in the cold while he was getting married. Not a word was said, but the message was loud and clear.

If you're going to wait outside, make it very obvious you waited outside. Why help them be comfortable with treating people that way?

I like that story.

Forget the reception. You're not invited to the wedding. (And the reception will be cake, mints, and mixed nuts, no or poor music, no booze... this doesn't sound fun at ALL.)

Send a small gift and put it outta your head.

Come to the wedding but stand outside during the actual ceremony?

Why are you even giving it thought. The answers no chance sundance.

I would never wait outside a temple.

BUT there is nothing wrong with attending the reception and wishing the couple well.

Give them a gift certificate to a store, which will make it less likely for the couple to be tempted to pay tithes on your gift.

I think most nevermos would consider it odd to attend an event to which you are not invited. So waiting outside the temple, no. Going to the reception, yes.

However I am well aware how painful this experience can be for exmos. I would advise thinking it through and doing what you consider to be best.

I can tell you one thing I would *never* do -- and that's babysit the kids! Let the parents find their own babysitters.

I would never wait outside a temple, but I would attend the reception and wish the couple well. I've only attended non-Mormon weddings, so guests usually get invited to both the ceremony and reception. Everyone who is invited is able to see the actual wedding ceremony, even if they're not a member of the denomination. In fact, there's a good chance that the majority of the guests aren't members of that church, and are only there to support the couple.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/13/2013 07:44PM by adoylelb.

Actually, most Mormon receptions are held in windowless and drab fellowship halls with little to eat, no feast. I would not attend a mo temple wedding even if they made a special exception for me to go without a TR.

Glad I'm not the only one that won't go to the Temple weddings.

I'm the only apostate in my family. After initially leaving the church, my older brother got married in the temple and I did the obligatory "sit outside the temple". That was the last time I ever did that. It's completely rude and self centered to expect people to sit outside and wait for you to come out because they are "unworthy" to go inside the building. For every other brother and sister- I only attended the reception. For extended family- I respectfully decline to attend any part of the wedding and I send a gift....if I like them.

So when I got married- we flew to Hawaii and got married on the beach. I knew none of my brothers and sisters or extended family could afford to fly to Hawaii when we planned the wedding. I invited them anyways- they didn't attend and I did not feel bad in any way. We had a wonderful Hawaii vacation/wedding!

I appreciate the advice. I suppose I still feel caught in between trying to maintain good relations with the family and the reality of my position outside the church.

My non-LDS family waited outside the temple for me when I got married. My parents are converts & none of my extended family are Mormon. Looking back I feel terrible that they had to wait outside & couldn't come in, even my mom waited outside, but I am so glad that they did. I needed their support. I'm glad that they were there for me. I'm glad that they are in the pictures. I'm glad that when I came out of the temple they were there waiting for me. I do remember some comments about being upset that they couldn't come in, but they still came. Mormonism is horrible. I'm sure that your nephew would appreciate you being there for him.

But the flip side of that for me is I can't even bare the thought of all the LDS temple weddings I am going to be invited to in the near future. It's going to take everything I got to make myself go & I'm still not sure if I could do it.

My very best friend just had his oldest child get married in the temple. He has left her church and held his ground when the family came to him and asked him to lie about how he felt and be at the wedding of his little girl. It was devastating to him not to be there. Watching him go through this pain has just made it even more clear to me how the LDS church is RIPPING apart families. As like you, I have a significantly large family and over the next several years will go on missions and be married in a place the majority of our friends and family is NOT welcome. Fathers will not be walking their daughters down the isle. I myself have made it clear I will not attend a event I am not welcome at. I do no not know how else to handle it. The biggest salt in the wound is that if a wedding takes place in any other modern country (not the USA) the wedding take place first outside the temple and then the couple can go to the temple at any time they want after that for the ordination. You see temple marriage is not a commandment. Just the ordination.

Your subject title is misleading! It's not a family wedding, it's a religious ritual.

Don't go to it.

Go to the reception, say 'hi, congrats and good luck', mingle a bit, give a gift and while you're all scrubbed and dressed up - leave the reception ASAP and go out on the town and have some real fun.

PERSONALLY I'd just go to the reception. Sitting outside the great & spacious building,would only aggravate your feelings. IMO they basically want to humiliate people.(a grown-up take on "no girls allowed club".) To keep the peace I'd attend the reception. do the usual wedding congrats,but like your family relationship..avoid the church issues.

Good idea. But if you feel some sort of family pressure to show up outside the temple just take your iPad, download a good film, take a comfy lawn chair, find a shady spot and you'll have more fun than those inside the stuffy, repetitive temple. You have my absolute, money back guarantee. : ) And TBMs won't get the satisfaction of thinking you were insulted and miserable waiting.

Oh, and if the security guards aren't happy about what you are doing you have your answer for the future. You just tell Mormon family that security ran you off so for future weddings you will be meeting them at the reception. If the weather is bad that's the only option anyway. Good luck. Eat lots of yummy cake and remind yourself that Mormonism is just a crock as is Islam, Zoroastrianism, etc. Since most of the world is following some sort of man made, fictional religion you will always be in the minority if you have figured out the lies.

I'm just enjoying the sheer agony of my still Mormon sister who is having fits that her daughter had a baby with her loving and supporting boyfriend BEFORE they got married. There are some good reasons why they haven't yet wed but it's driving sis to distraction. They will eventually be married but for sure it will not be in the Mormon temple Thank Goodness!

I'm assuming many of you use Facebook; I don't, and really don't know too much about it. But wouldn't it be great to post pictures of yourself standing outside with a caption that reads, "Cousin X Getting Married in the Y Temple. Unworthy family waiting outside."

Or maybe be more subtle. "Mormon Family Values: We're Excluded from the Wedding."

If it costs $ to go, don't.

They won't remember who was there and who wasn't.

As a never-mo, this sitting outside the temple thing is too ridiculous to contemplate. I can't believe that any couple would extend this insult to people they allegedly love. You aren't invited to the wedding. You didn't create the situation, so I wouldn't think twice about the need to maintain family harmony. The couple chose to get married in a venue where some of the family is excluded. This is not your problem, and you don't need to "support" them.

As for the reception, that's up to you. I've never been to a Mormon reception, but they sound tedious. No booze, no DJ or band, no dancing, no nice venue, no sit-down high quality food? If I was local and had nothing better to do, maybe. To travel any distance, forget it.

I have a friend who decided not to go to his only brother's wedding - not even the reception.

Today, twelve years later, it is still a painful memory for him: the cult stole that moment away from him. A family-oriented church my a*****.

It was a time when he was still slowly coming out of the closet (he is gay), and he did not want the entire ward to gossip about his standing outside the temple (or his attending the reception without attending the actual wedding). Since he lived in another state at the time, his excuse was a busy work schedule, which prevented him from flying there. Period.

Obviously this didn't stop the gossip (how come his only brother didn't come?) - damned if you do, damned if you don't... But he simply did not feel comfortable hanging out at a reception with a bunch of ward busybodies who would be asking questions and making him feel bad - and who were considered "worthier" than him, who was family, for Christ's sake.

Once again: a family-oriented church my a*****************.

That's really the heart of the issue: "damned if you do, damned if don't."

I often wish that I'd been born into a nice boring Presbyterian family.