Posted by:
esias
(
)
Date: August 30, 2013 04:28AM
The Book of Mormon falls at the first hurdle as a poor collation of literary faux-pas - an earthly test beyond the high-flying abilities of a self-confessed prophet of God. The result is a tumbled mass of repetition ('and it came to pass', 'exceedingly'), anachronisms, plagiarisms, oddisms and tautology: for example:
4:4 And king Benjamin again opened his mouth and began to speak unto them, saying: My friends and my brethren, my kindred and my people, I would again call your attention, that ye may hear and understand the remainder of my words which I shall speak unto you.
We are led down the garden path to believe that space on the gold plates is at a premium, yet we are delivered with a tangled web of needless repetitions and tautologies. Oddisms provide the family with endless hours of fun for an alternative Family Home Evening. Your starter for ten:
2:8 And it came to pass that he called the name of the river, Laman, and it emptied into the Red Sea; and the valley was in the borders near the mouth thereof.
• Even the youngest in the family will surmise that no such river existed. How odd can Joe go?
16:30 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did go forth up into the top of the mountain, according to the directions which were given upon the ball.
16:31 And it came to pass that I did slay wild beasts, insomuch that I did obtain food for our families.
• Nephi (no doubt followed by David Attenborough and a hungry film crew) goes to the top of the mountain to kill wild beasts!
17:1 And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.
• Woops! My missus has dropped another sprog into the sand. One of these days I'll get round to learning their names.
17:10 And it came to pass that the Lord told me whither I should go to find ore, that I might make tools.
• Another impressive trick: How did Nephi extract ore in a desert without tools?
18:1 And it came to pass that they did worship the Lord, and did go forth with me; and we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship
• How did Nephi find trees in the Arabian desert?
Joseph's plagiarisms (worthy of a volume) are perhaps the biggest indicator that the origin of the story has more mundane home-spun origins rather than a God-led travelling circus troop of Jews from Jerusalem. We can be impressed that Joseph had paid some attention to the Shakespeare dispensed in English class!
18:13 Wherefore, they knew not whither they should steer the ship, insomuch that there arose a great storm, yea, a great and terrible tempest, and we were driven back upon the waters for the space of three days; and they began to be frightened exceedingly lest they should be drowned in the sea; nevertheless they did not loose me
• Perhaps Joseph had Nephi in mind as the original Prospero. All he lacks is a big stick with which to beat his brothers.
The tricks continue with an inexhaustible supply of Lamanites for the culling, and half a dozen or so brothers with the Masonic skills to construct Solomon's temple:
5:16 And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so many precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon's temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine.
Beware of the literary cliché which can be a killer!
18:43 And it came to pass that his servants took him and carried him in unto his wife, and laid him upon a bed; and he lay as if he were dead for the space of two days and two nights; and his wife, and his sons, and his daughters mourned over him, after the manner of the Lamanites, greatly lamenting his loss.
• Laid low as if dead by a terrible cliche!
30:50 Now when Alma had said these words, Korihor was struck dumb, that he could not have utterance, according to the words of Alma.
• Give the family ninety seconds and bonus points to find the Biblical source!
Perhaps Joseph the prophet couldn't foresee the advent of Egyptology and modern Archaeology, or perhaps he didn't care.
Heleman 3:7 And there being but little timber upon the face of the land, nevertheless the people who went forth became exceedingly expert in the working of cement; therefore they did build houses of cement, in the which they did dwell.
3:8 And it came to pass that they did multiply and spread, and did go forth from the land southward to the land northward, and did spread insomuch that they began to cover the face of the whole earth, from the sea south to the sea north, from the sea west to the sea east.
• No evidence of buildings of cement or of a people who did 'cover the face of the whole earth'. How much ziff would one of these houses cost?
Naturally, Joseph falls for the trap of perpetuating a the Biblical myth of a fascist racist God intent on expanding an intergalactic empire of Aryan super-sons and daughters. A racist God seems par for the Mormon course:
2:15 And their curse was taken from them, and their skin became white like unto the Nephites;
2:16 And their young men and their daughters became exceedingly fair, and they were numbered among the Nephites, and were called Nephites. And thus ended the thirteenth year. III Nephi 2
But for some Joseph's greatest crime is a dreary lack of literary imagination.
18:30 And now it came to pass that all this was done in Mormon, yea, by the waters of Mormon, in the forest that was near the waters of Mormon; yea, the place of Mormon, the waters of Mormon, the forest of Mormon, how beautiful are they to the eyes of them who there came to the knowledge of their Redeemer; yea, and how blessed are they, for they shall sing to his praise forever.
How Mormons can consider this turgid mass of tautology and repetition to be the work of the Lard bewilders the literary imagination of a first-grade English student. Not to mention the seventeenth-century stylie, not to mention an angel of God with a message of murder by command, not to mention ...