...why she was inferring adoption was bad?

The reason I ask is because I was adopted and lately I've been remembering some really rude comments to me about how adoptees aren't "real" and so forth when I was a child, but I can't remember the whole bias. It was back in the late 60's early 70's.

What was the bias?

My cousin had horrible cancer, horrible treatment and was told she'd never have kids. But a few years ago I saw her and she had a child and I said..."oh, she must be adopted...great". And then she said in really rude manner.."no, she is ours". So, she did indeed have a child.

Why is it in the LDS church that only "real children" are preferred to adopted ones?


Wanting to clear my head up on this subject.

Thanks.

Lori

I heard a rumor that when a kid is adopted out thru TSCC and LDS Social Services, that often the actual birthdate of that child is changed so that the birth parents can never find it. Just a rumor.

My guess would be that it is due to the idea that you're pre-destined for your parents, so when your parents 'give you up', you were essentially cast off by those you 'chose' for your parents, making you spiritually deficient. Then, that is coupled with the idea that having many many children in the conventional way means that many spirits in the pre-existence chose to be your children, so if you aren't able to conceive naturally it's because you are spiritually deficient as well.

...also, it was a big deal to conceive a boy. I remember that. My parents adopted a healty boy, then me, but would stop trying to have their own......broke my heart. We just weren't enough.

How RIDICULOUS!!!! Adoption is all about LOVE!!! And if and when the adoptee wants to meet the 'birth' parent/parents, as adults, all well and good, but LOVE brought the 'raising' family together! And ideally, there is enough love for all, not withstanding some tragic situations, eg the child is conceived as a result of rape. But what could be better, for a child that the 'birth' parent felt, for whatever reason, would be better off in another home, than to be loved and welcomed and SO wanted? How can that sort of love possibly be about being spiritually deficient? Craziness!!

My love to you Lori C. I hope your childhood was a lovely one, and ignore the idiots who thought you were in any way different or less loved than anyone else. They don't know what they are talking about!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/15/2013 12:01AM by fluhist.

I wish it were all about love, but sadly it's often about "looking good"...ie making the pews look right with two parent and children.

Silly on screen, he was a very serious and intelligent man in real life. He told his children from the very start they were adopted, and they loved hearing the adoption story told over and over. It was their family legend and lore, "how Dad and Mom went to the baby place, and out all the babies, they chose us!"

All the kids had two special celebration days. Their natal birthdays, and their adoption days were similarly celebrated.

caffiend Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Silly on screen, he was a very serious and
> intelligent man in real life. He told his
> children from the very start they were adopted,
> and they loved hearing the adoption story told
> over and over. It was their family legend and
> lore, "how Dad and Mom went to the baby place, and
> out all the babies, they chose us!"
>
> All the kids had two special celebration days.
> Their natal birthdays, and their adoption days
> were similarly celebrated.

Was just reading about Harpo, who was devoted to his children. Here is the adoption story,
http://www.harpomarx.net/readersdigest.html

Wow, thanks for the post.

Brought tears to my eyes.

Happy Sunday!

Now that I am looking at it, it is the exact inverse of traditional Christian thought on the matter. Most reading I've done on it basically says that there is the need for a home and a family, so there are naturally couples who are made to fill that need. There's even an entire Christian dogma about those couples (infertile or not) whose hearts are made to be open to children in special need of their individual talents.

It shouldn't surprise me, but it always does, that Mormons, the 'true Christians' always believe the inverse of Christianity.

Hi Lori -

I personally think this Beehive advisor had a personal bias against parents adopting. Because about a year later, I talked about my wanting to adopt with both my MIA Maids counselor & advisor, & they both thought it was really great. I also think these 2 women were exceptions.

But yes, I have come across many within the cult that have a bias against adoption, & who think that adoptive parents aren't real parents, & that adoptive children aren't real children. I've seen TBM adoptive parents work twice as hard to prove that they are just as good as anyone else in the cult.

I never heard anything against the adopted children in my old ward, and there were several from tip-top Utah families. What was stressed over and over was that these children had been sealed to their new eternal family, and that the sealing line was what mattered.

LORI C I apologise if my opinion offended you in any way or put down your experience. I didn;t mean to do that. I was SO shocked at the very idea that anyone could think that adopted children were any different than anyone else, I went into a rant. In my extended family adopted children were totally accepted and welcomed and never thought of as anything else but one of us. I have an adopted neice that my brother and his wife adopted after she was unable to have any more children after giving birth to their second son. My neice has even grown to LOOK like them.

I am so sorry if I added to any hurt feelings you already have.

Wow...how memories come flooding back suddenly.

I had forgotten all about this - The advisor who told me all this then went & wrote me a creepy letter. Of course, she probably thought it was all loving & "supportive", which it most definitely was not. In the letter she extolled the joys of having babies naturally, talked about her pregnancies, & she told me that when I was older that I "would feel differently" about having babies. She was of the opinion that I didn't want to get pregnant. Haha she was right with that one. I never did want to get pregnant. If I remember correctly she paid some sort of lip service to my then desires about adopting, saying something like it would be a good thing after I had my babies, or some garbage like that. Sorry for my poor memory on a long discarded letter, but it was 24, maybe even 25 years ago, when this happened.

I couldn't tell anyone this at the time, but it actually felt mentally abusive. Like I was just being told to shut up. I got that a lot from a lot of people In the cult.

(Edited for a myriad of typos. I'm half asleep right now.)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2013 06:57AM by Tristan.