I used to simply be called a Less Active Member. Which actually was true since I was a whole lot less active than active. Maybe 99.9999999999999999 percent (%) less active than active.

Now I learn I am called a Returning Member with all the same benefits a new member receives. If I were to attend Stake Conference for example, I would be allowed to sit in the first few rows (pews) with the new members and so would my HT's, VT's and even the Missionaries. They (my support staff) would all be treated so very special if I would just go to Stake Conference. Such a big difference between the words Less Active and Returning Member. What I really want is Valet Parking with an assigned parking spot. I would need a massaging easy chair to sit in instead of a pew.

Who in their right mind would want to attend a stake conference? I would rather be on the beach, taking a shlt even pulling thorns out of my ass than attend anything TSCC offers.

Returning Member - My ASS. Saw the Truth - Never to Return is a better title.

My Tardis is better than your Tardis. I have a swimming pool. It used to be called a baptismal font but it is too large to piss in.

THE MASTER

I will never return either. My TBM mom was pushing me to go to Women's Conference recently, & I put my foot down hard. I know that she was told to do this by the cult.

Well, since we all left over being offended, it only makes sense that the red carpet treatment would bring us back.

So they're just calling you a "returning member" apropos of nothing?
That's nearly slander.

Did you get a letter inviting you to conference or did you hear this from your home teachers? That is absolutely hilarious that you get a reserved seat in the front if you will just come. What if a less active member is shy and would prefer to sit in the back?

I tell people that I have an irrational fear that speakers will spray saliva on me as they talk if I sit in the first couple of rows. My explanation always worked on people.

ROTFLMAO