My friend from work was here at my apartment last Monday. I gave her a free makeup tutorial for a friend's upcoming wedding. The little blonde hairs of her brows had grown down into her eyelid, muddying up the whole eye. I asked her if she ever plucked them--thinking that she'd say, "Oh, I've let it go for a while, but I'll do it." Nope. She said, "No! I never pluck my eyebrows. I don't want to be vain." Ummm, Okay. I get the vanity thing, if I had suggested, say, a boob job for the wedding. But plucking the eyebrows? Good lord. This girl in not LDS, she's uber-Catholic. She's sweet, but a tad too neieve and perky. Most of her sentences end with a question? Even when they're not questions? She really likes this guy, but he's thinking about becoming a priest? I asked another Catholic friend if the vanity thing was a result of Catholicism. She said no. She laughed.
I

This was me once upon a time. the reasons were:

1)it hurts
2)all the girls I thought were stupid and I really hated in school overplucked their eye brows down to miniscule things.

I agreed with your reasons...in high school...15 years ago. This girl really is sweet, but it's weird. I like her, but OI don't like her. You know why? She reminds me of me. When I was so concerned with Sky Daddy's thoughts of me. I didn't want to be vain. Poo to that.

In hindsight, I might have assumed they were vain, when in fact they were "trying too hard" or overcompensating. When ACT/SAT scores came around a lot of them had scores too low to qualify for the football team under NCAA rules. (I almost said that to them, but stopped myself just in time. Somehow at the end of high school they seemed vulnerable, now that they were losing their fiefdom where blondes with lots of makeup and hairspray rule.)

The first time I was made aware that plucking my eyebrows was culturally mandated was when I was in my late 20s - around 1998. Of course, such an awareness occurred in a salon when all I'd gone there for was my first pedicure.

7 years earlier I was married wearing virgin eyebrows. It wasn't a question of vanity or anything else. It just never occurred to me that it was necessary, and nobody else indicated that it was. Perhaps I was lucky, but I am a blonde and come from a long line of "furry blondes" as my aunt said a few years ago.

I didn't have a bride salon day, and didn't think of it (nor would I have wanted to waste money on it). My 18 year old sister helped me use bobby pins to pin up my hair right before the ceremony, my nails were bare - not even clear polish - and I recall quite clearly that aside from making sure I had some mascara, neutral eye shadow on and some powder to take off the shine plus my favorite pink/bronze color of lipstick, my makeup was pretty easy and quick.

All of that is a remembrance of paradise: the freedom of innocence and not worrying about grooming obsessions, feeling accepted without question, looking just the way I did.

Thanks to gradually lowering estrogen levels and getting older and hairier I now try to keep up with brows and 'stash, et al. But I still resent the cultural mandate. Quite heartily.

Edited to add: when I married it had been over 3 years since I'd left TSCC; sporting the natural lids had nothing to do with religion or the lack of it. I simply didn't care - and those around me didn't seem to either. The sole reason I care today is indeed vanity after others around me made me aware that the way I looked needed improving. Think about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2013 09:59PM by frogdogs.

Cultural mandate? This is not a teenager I kidnapped and strapped down, armed with a tweezer in each hand. She is a woman who asked for my makeup skills. The roving hairs are distracting from a clean face. She acts like she's still twelve and scared to shave her legs.

She also said that she wouldn't color her hair because it's vain. (I didn't ask. I figured if she wouldn't pluck, she wouldn't color.)

I think you misunderstood my comments for criticism. They were not intended as such.

When I use "cultural mandate" (probably should have said "cultural expectations") it's about far more than the simple interactions between two people - just you and your friend. Of course you didn't tie her down, and of course she may have asked you for advice and suggestions. She's probably feeling insecure - a direct result of the cultural paradigm I was referring to.

I was more interested in making a comment on our appearance-obsessed society which places a fantastically (often unrealistic - as well as harmful) high value on looks rather than substance, and the various ways we are and aren't sensitive to fitting into it in order to be accepted: worrying about how we look while weighing how much time, effort and money (and pain/risk) we're willing to spend in order to meet or exceed a standard that almost always says we're *still* not as sexy, thin, stylish or attractive as we *should* be.

That's all I was saying. I was not trying to criticize you individually.

And for the record, I am very particular in my own brand of vanity: I have been fighting gray hair since I was 18 (lots of bottle blonde treatments over the years). I have considered various forms of permanent hair removal, as well as cosmetic procedures for veins in one leg. I'm not immune or above anyone else - not in the least.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2013 10:43PM by frogdogs.

I understand that we all interpret things through the filter of our own experiences. What bothers me about this is that making one's self a tad more attractive = vanity and vanity = bad. I remember feeling like this, while secretly being envious of women who could put a little thought and effort into making themselves more attractive-and do it confidently. No fear of shy daddy being mad.
Of course, I was young and eager, but torn. Good women didn't take pains to be attractive. Homely = nice.

BTW, the woman I did makeup on is in no danger of being appearance-obsessed. She is a Plaaaaaain Jane. Fo sho.

She loved the way she looked when we were finished with the eye makeup. Tiny bit of blush, no lipstick. She did look good. Bright and put-together. We covered her acne, brought out her features. No pancake make-up, just soft and clean. I think she would love the result of clean eyes (stray hairs plucked). I think it's odd that she was so quick with the response of "No! It's vain!" She liked the make-up job, though.

uh let's see...

Showering daily is vain.
Combing/styling your hair is vain.
Putting on matching/clean/unwrinkled clothes/outfits is vain.
Using deodorant/perfume/cologne is vain.
Using makeup is vain.


The list can go on and on..

nonmo_1 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> uh let's see...
>
> Showering daily is vain.

I’m being somewhat playful here, and perhaps a bit of devil’s advocate….but yes – it is pretty vain as well as a waste of an increasingly precious resource: clean water.

It took a lot of getting used to for me to realize the world would not end if I showered every other day. Sponge bath for pits and other potentially odiferous regions are all that is really needed.

> Combing/styling your hair is vain.

Combing or styling to keep from getting in the way or in one's eyes can be practical. But the overuse of styling products for smell and shine factors -- yup, pretty wasteful and vain.

> Putting on matching/clean/unwrinkled clothes/outfits is vain.

Clean clothes that don't smell can definitely be a courtesy to others. But fashion is vanity, no doubt about it. As much as I enjoy it myself…

> Using deodorant/perfume/cologne is vain.

Perfume and cologne in particular are the *ultimate* in wasteful, obnoxious vanity. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to toss a bucket of water on someone who smells as if they filled their bathtub with "Eau de I'm So Smell-iciously Fabulous!" Totally, utterly, ridiculously vain.

Deodorant is optional depending upon one’s body chemistry. I’ve used lemon juice for a while now. Nobody ever complains. Several friends who found out last year were shocked I haven’t bought deodorant since 2011. They have promised me I never smell bad, and these are people who do not hesitate to tell me that I'm full of shite in other respects ;-)

> Using makeup is vain.

Yes, it is. Nothing wrong with it, but let’s not pretend it's a necessity. It's to look good for others. Those who claim it's a self-esteem booster fail to realize that if others didn't have criticisms about how we look but cared more about who we were, using make-up to feel better about ourselves would be a moot point.

> The list can go on and on..

Yes, it can! Don't get me wrong - I'm as much a conformist on many of these things (not all) to some extent. But I don't kid myself that they’re vital or necessary for a happy, fulfilled life. They are a function of our capitalistic, excessive - and yes, vain and pampered - cultural habits that have been around for generations. So of course we don’t question them.

Again, this isn’t a criticism of anyone for choosing to live how they want to. I just find this thread – and the denial of how vain most of us are (myself again included) – fascinating.

I'm vain. And I love that I am. :)

boob job
super blonde hair extensions
fake nails
Botox
lazered off the hair down there
3 inch heels more often than not

I'm all over decorating and undecorating my body. I even have my nose hair waxed.

Pluck that.

As long as there's no unibrow involved, I never even notice if a girl has plucked her eyebrows or not. Now when they have a mustache going, that needs to be taken care of

I must be vain..my eyebrows and lip get waxed at least every 4-6 weeks. I am vain.

Ahh, the Quagmire of sorting through the degrees of grooming.

Issues include societal pressure, money and time considerations, and feeling phony.

The real problem is when you feel like you have to conform to a look you didn't choose. Caitlin Moran may have written the definitive essay on how porn caused sane women to spend too much time and money on waxing, plucking, tanning and boobs.