First of all, I grew up TBM and left a couple months ago.

So I am an RN. My mom died from cancer (it basically ate her insides up, including her lungs,) and whenever I see somebody out and about town on oxygen or have to take care of a cancer patient at work, I **freak out** on the inside!!! I wouldn't call it PTSD-level, but it is quite disturbing to me.

THEN... I noticed when I see a man in a collared white shirt (as in what Mormon men wear!) I have the same kind of internal freak out!! It causes me the same anxiety.

Weird, wouldn't you say? Does anybody else have things like this?

Not exactly but I do get that same feeling if I have to walk into an LDS church for any reason (wedding reception, funeral, scout activity). It's the worst at the church I attended - not so bad at other LDS churches but it is weird. Things will trigger your feelings toward Mormonism and it's different for different people. I'd like to say it will get better but I'm still working on the church-thing. Hopefully for oth of us it will.

yeah, I've had that - for me it's the 'Mormon church' smell that does it...

I totally know EXACTLY what you mean. When I was a TBM, I went to Idaho to visit relatives (who are NeverMos). Being the good little Califoria Mormoon that I was, I found the closest Ward and went to it on Sunday.

When I walked in, I sort of freaked. It SMELLED exactly like the Ward at home. It was laid out exactly the same...I felt like I had gone home for Church...weird. Only difference...this Ward was much nicer to me than my own.LOL

Even the bathrooms were identical...except their's were cleaner...

I think maybe it will just take some time before these inner freak-outs stop happening.

I know when I left I did NOT enjoy going back... ever!

When did white shirts become mandatory?
We wore any color we wanted to church when I was young.
I left about 30 years ago.

I've been given a backhanded verbal slap for wearing a pale yellow shit to Sacrement Meeting by the Bishop(rick) himself.

"Oh, yellow - yes, that's the color of blah blah blah for young women this year."

I wanted to crunch down on his hand and say, "Fuck You, yes - Fuck You, and by the way, Fuck You!"

This event sped my leaving TSCC behind.

Had a moment of cog-dis there. Could have sworn I typed 'pale-yellow shirt' instead of pale-yellow $hit; sorry.

My otherwise TBM ex liked to wear different colored shirts to church, but when the bishop offered to send him to DI for white shirts, he quit wearing the colorful shirts. He already had a couple of white shirts hanging in the closet and started wearing them. He also caved into the pressure to get a missionary haircut even though I liked his shoulder length hair.

I still have the same reaction to white dress shirts on men, and it took me a few years to be able to drive past a Mormon chapel without having a PTSD moment.

If I meet a German, i'll mention I spent time in Germany and used to be able to speak the language well. After a conversation about the food, the excellent subways, etc. Eventually they'll ask why I was there. I can't bring myself to admit to a stranger that I used to be in a cult and knocked on doors for the mormons. As far as the white shirts, I refuse to wear one to this day.

When I started getting serious with my never mo husband I made him throw his one white shirt out. I do get heebee jeebees from men in white shirts and tie.

Mormonism: Chock Full of Distractions away from Love, Kindness, etc.