Much has been said about how Mormonism affects the lives of gay boys and men but what about gay girls and women? Men in patriarchal societies tend to ignore what women do as long as it does not affect them publicly or challenges their authority. Any interesting stories out there?

The issue of lesbian visibility has been an issue for a very long time and well outside the Mormon corridor.

It is the fundamental reason why the alphabet soup LGBT got started in the first place.

I know right..... it always struck me how they act like this is a non issue for women....... you hear all the time about gay men making a hetro marriage work but zip about women...... the church runs a huge orginization geared towards dealing with homosexuality, (evergreen) but its for gay men.

This always annoyed me.

The church really only cares about men. From scouting to priesthood to missions to ward leadership to church leadership.

Men first, last and always. It will always be so in mormonism. Gay women get even less attention than straight women, if that is even possible.

Single women beyond YSA age have no place or value in the church. They cannot hold "important" positions and actually create more work for the other "important" members (ie men).

Also a woman only exists to look after a man and produce babies. If she's not doing that then she is a waste of space.

A lesbian is a "single woman" and it is therefore a waste of time expending any resources on her.

OK years of being single and now widowed make me a bit angry about the attitude to single women.

I was very aware that I was lesbian. I had spent tonz of time and effort and research trying to sort it all out in my head. I had made up my mind that the church was God's, and made a very big commitment that this was the pathway I would try to follow. I wanted marriage and family very much. My patriarchal blessing spoke of my husband and children....boy'Z, and girl'Z. I wanted children, and at least 4 were promised to me. Dating was a problem.....it was hard for me to try and even get to know guys because of the pressure of physical intimacy before even getting to know each other.....and I dont just mean sex.....I mean kissing, hand holding, snuggling. I just could not do it with some guy I didn't know well and trust. It made me feel very insecure in the dating realm.
I moved out of state and started a new singles ward. My husband happened to be dating my roomate. He is a very unintimidating person who puts everyone at ease. We became good friends. Sometimes it was awkward because he and I clearly had a better frienship than him and my roomate. After meeting her family, my hubby decided she was not marryable. So they broke up. He and I continued to hang out but not so much as before. Roomate ended up marrying off pretty quicky.
One day I was out jogging and meditating/praying. Hubby drove by saw me and stopped to say hi....it had been awhile since we had hung out. As he drove off I thought "god, if you really want me to ever get married, it's gonna have to be him, or someone just like him, because I just can't conceive of it happening with any other guy." After that we started hanging out a lot more. We got a fun group of misfit friends together, and had a ton of fun. I still had no idea how to flirt or get things really going. When things started to get intimate, I would get super awkward. He would get offended at my lack of "interest" and he would back off as if to punish me. Finally we somehow became official. We made out all the time, and he literally kept me in a constant supply of fresh flowers. That of course made me feel super special, because he NEVER got my roomate flowers when he was dating her. When it came down to it though, I was very uncertain that we should get married. Not because I was gay, but I felt our relationship was on some levels still very superficial. I am the type that has always loved very deep and personal relationships, and I just didn't think ours was very deep, or even that personal. I am very introverted, even though I love to go out and have fun. He is very extroverted, who loves to draw attention to himself. I know he had his doubts about us too.
However I was very attached to him, and to the idea of being married and having kids, and fulfilling my mormon expectations. He too was feeling the pressure to be married. He was turning 30 and would soon be booted out of his beloved singles ward. So we made the jump and got engaged. My mother was beyond thrilled....definite pressure from her, she didn't think we could be married soon enough. He loved the welcome my family gave him. I however felt I had to inform him of my "lesbian tendencies". The thought of telling him terrified me. He was a Rush Limbaugh conservative, who openly had issues with homosexuals. But I bit the bullet and told him.....he just kept saying, "I don't understand, what does that mean?" I was so mortified and just wanted this to be over.... I told him he needed to know so he could decide if he still wanted to get married.... he took some time to "pray about it" . I assured him I was 100% committed to the church, and we agreed this was what mattered most to us. I'm sure that he continued forward with me because the thought of starting over in the dating scene, was to unbearable for him. We got married.... I did it! See the church was true! Even I was able to achieve this wonderful blessing.
Hubby also loved the social approval from the church. He is like an eager puppy that needs his masters aproval so badly. After about the first year I just gave up orgasms.....it was all about him and he was fine with that.... plus I honestly would rather masterbate myself then have him work me over. But that of course created tonz of guilt. Sex was always hanging over my head.... not that he ever pressured me or expected it..... but this was my life and I was resigned to it. I didn't burden myself with expectations that I needed to change.

We have NEVER discussed it since I first told him. Im sure he thinks I was just confused. When Packer gave his "no one is born that way" talk, hubby took it as the gospel truth. It was his favorite talk, and BKP is his favorite g. We have 2 awsome kids that we both love, but other than that there is nothing between us. We sleep in different rooms. I know that we will divorce when the kids are older, yet he continually says things that make it clear he thinks we will always stay married. He would jump off a cliff if the prophet said to. And now that I know the church is false things are even more complicated. We get along fine, and do lots of fun family activities, but again, there is nothing between us. Yet he completely acts like everything is hunky dory. I really think he just cares about how our family looks from the outside......

Ther you go... My lesbian experience in the church.

If you had grown up in a different place you would not have "tendencies." You would be just another lesbian woman living her life... :)

I think more lesbians need to come forward and tell their story.

How could you stand having it inside of you? I could not, and would not.