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Posted by: ozpoof ( )
Date: November 07, 2013 05:06PM

scared.

I don't know if anyone else was told this as a youth or young adult, but my mother told me once after I had landed a job, that the only reason I got the job was because I was under my parents' roof, who were paying tithing. She said that if I was living away from home and remained inactive, that I would fail financially because I didn't pay tithing.

I'm middle aged now, and I still feel like I am on the verge of ruin all the time. I believe this is one of the reasons I have suffered anxiety and depression all my life, along with the teaching that being gay means I am evil and almost as bad as a murderer.

Fucking CULT!

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Posted by: Cipher ( )
Date: November 07, 2013 05:25PM

Have you tried therapy? I suggest it because it sounds like you have a lot of self-critical thinking habits that you no longer accept as valid but are having trouble getting rid of because they are so engrained. Therapy might give you ways to respond to those thoughts and slowly deprogram yourself.

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Posted by: ozpoof ( )
Date: November 08, 2013 02:02AM

Yes, I've been to many shrinks and psychologists. The only thing that stopped me feeling like something terrible was just around the corner was antidepressants. I still have the occasional thought that I will get what's coming to me, which is always something bad.

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Posted by: anagrammy ( )
Date: November 07, 2013 05:30PM

Hi ozpoof, arm around the shoulder for you.

Linking the paying of tithing to success is called the "prosperity gospel" and the same money-making scheme is found in other religions besides Mormonism. It is a quick and dirty way to part you from your money by using superstition.

The prosperity doctrine is no different than telling you that you will carry your baby, have a successful business, avoid cancer, have a happy marriage IF...and only IF... you

...donate money
...make a novena
...go on a pilgrimage
...go on a retreat
...pray a certain prayer
...pray and light a candle
...pray and fast
...bury a statue of St. Joseph in your front yard
...always wear a medal
...face Jerusalem/Mecca/Tibet when praying

ALL of this is superstitious nonsense. If you believe in God still, my friend, then he is omnipotent and doesn't need anything. He doesn't need your money, does he? If he is all-powerful, then he can just inspire people to accept the gospel, right? So no need to donate money for missionaries, for churches, for temples. If he wanted people to be members of the church after they died, he could wave his imaginary wand and

Make it so.

But he doesn't BECAUSE HE DOESN"T NEED ANYTHING -- he is sufficient, complete, all-knowing, all-powerful. He doesn't need your prayers, either. The call for prayer, according to churches, is FOR YOU. It benefits YOU, the person who prays.

I understand that your feeling of anxiety and depression comes from the terrible guilty morass of a culture you grew up in and I'm sorry. I do offer hope, however, because I know that you can flip that script and turn that feeling of gray uselessness to a vibrant feeling of being alive and complete, the absolute pinnacle of creation and filled with love for all living creatures.

What is in your way is called (in Buddhist psychology) self-aversion. All of us exmos have the challenge of dealing with this. You are not alone. There are many paths of healing for self-aversion and you should begin an active search to find yours immediately.

I can share my favorite method - I listen to the tapes on Radical Self Acceptance by Tara Brach. This is how I learned how to deal with unwanted emotions and I learned other tools to manage my emotions (for me, regret/grief are biggies).

Most importantly, I learned how to love myself in spite of the pain I have caused others when I was Mormon (and before that).

If I can do it, so can you. Becoming your real self and learning how to accept your past and move on is what recovery is all about. I'm glad you are here where we understand what you are going through.

It can get better, I promise!


Anagrammy

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Posted by: ozpoof ( )
Date: November 08, 2013 02:10AM

Thanks for the thoughts and advice.

I don't believe in any God as taught by any religion. I don't know any other. I guess that makes me agnostic. I guess I sometimes feel like there is some force out there ready to punish me for something trivial. It's probably what growing up with an abusive parent is like, when you're not sure what you've done wrong, you just feel that you're no good.

I'll check out the Tara Brach work.

Thanks again.

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