Posted by:
anagrammy
(
)
Date: November 07, 2013 05:30PM
Hi ozpoof, arm around the shoulder for you.
Linking the paying of tithing to success is called the "prosperity gospel" and the same money-making scheme is found in other religions besides Mormonism. It is a quick and dirty way to part you from your money by using superstition.
The prosperity doctrine is no different than telling you that you will carry your baby, have a successful business, avoid cancer, have a happy marriage IF...and only IF... you
...donate money
...make a novena
...go on a pilgrimage
...go on a retreat
...pray a certain prayer
...pray and light a candle
...pray and fast
...bury a statue of St. Joseph in your front yard
...always wear a medal
...face Jerusalem/Mecca/Tibet when praying
ALL of this is superstitious nonsense. If you believe in God still, my friend, then he is omnipotent and doesn't need anything. He doesn't need your money, does he? If he is all-powerful, then he can just inspire people to accept the gospel, right? So no need to donate money for missionaries, for churches, for temples. If he wanted people to be members of the church after they died, he could wave his imaginary wand and
Make it so.
But he doesn't BECAUSE HE DOESN"T NEED ANYTHING -- he is sufficient, complete, all-knowing, all-powerful. He doesn't need your prayers, either. The call for prayer, according to churches, is FOR YOU. It benefits YOU, the person who prays.
I understand that your feeling of anxiety and depression comes from the terrible guilty morass of a culture you grew up in and I'm sorry. I do offer hope, however, because I know that you can flip that script and turn that feeling of gray uselessness to a vibrant feeling of being alive and complete, the absolute pinnacle of creation and filled with love for all living creatures.
What is in your way is called (in Buddhist psychology) self-aversion. All of us exmos have the challenge of dealing with this. You are not alone. There are many paths of healing for self-aversion and you should begin an active search to find yours immediately.
I can share my favorite method - I listen to the tapes on Radical Self Acceptance by Tara Brach. This is how I learned how to deal with unwanted emotions and I learned other tools to manage my emotions (for me, regret/grief are biggies).
Most importantly, I learned how to love myself in spite of the pain I have caused others when I was Mormon (and before that).
If I can do it, so can you. Becoming your real self and learning how to accept your past and move on is what recovery is all about. I'm glad you are here where we understand what you are going through.
It can get better, I promise!
Anagrammy