I have no emotional ties to absolutely anyone in my family anymore. I'm not allowed to have any sort of relationship with my 2 nephews because of how I am - not being in the cult anymore, & considered to be fucking crazy. I'm crying right now over the fact that I'm completely alone now emotionally. I have to accept the fsct now that I'm going to be completely alone for the rest of my life.

join the club

Tristan, it is not your fault, nor your responsibility that your family chose a cult over you. It is theirs, and that of the evil 15 that commissioned their brainwashing. Be happy you are out, be happy you are free. Don't close the doors of your future, and don't assume you will always be alone. Leaving the morg is the beginning of a new life, one you get to choose for yourself, one that will take you where you want to go. Start living your life the way you want to live it. You'll be all the happier for it.

You won't be alone for the rest of your life. Just keep working at getting away from those people.

They think I'm a mentally ill freak who sets a bad example. I don't care anymore. It's too difficult to try to maintain things between me & the kids. I just can't stop crying because it hurts too much. & of course, my crying & being upset is a sign of severe mental illness on my part. That's what my fucked up non-family believes. I know I am fucked up. I don't need to be reminded of it every 2 seconds. When I finally am able to get out of here, I'm never coming back for any reason.

Next month, it will be 13 years since I left the cult. & my life only gets worse & worse. I feel like I'm being punished & to blame for everything wrong in my life. Except they hated me & said I was mentally ill even when I was still active. So of course, I'm never going back in order to win their approval. Why am I being punished? Why am I so fucked up? Other people page the cult with their families in tact. They end up with better lives & better jobs. They have more money because they aren't paying the cult's extortion feed anymore. Maybe I'm being punished because I'm just so fucked up. Maybe everything is true & I'm being punished.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/07/2013 10:36PM by Tristan.

you are really hurting because your family is so evil. I know where you are coming from when they won't let you be around the kids.

I'm a 38 year old female who has aspergers syndrome (high functioning autism). 8 years ago my father's 2nd wife interrupted me and her grandkids while we were playing with barbie dolls. She sternly asked me what I was doing, and don't do anything inappropriate with the grandaughters. I had no idea what she was implying. I had never done anything in the past to initiate her questioning.

After this incident, I decided to never interact with her grandkids again. I didn't want her treating me this way again. I cried and cried over it. I wasn't used to this type of treatment. It made me feel "evil" in a bad way. I felt worthless and suicidal at the time. Thankfully my dad divorced wife number 2!!!

Hopefully the way your family is shunning you now, will wear off. How evil can a person be? Good luck!!!!

My TBM mom & my TBM sister are the main people doing this regarding the kids. They don't want me around them. I have never done anything wrong around them except say that their Jackmo dad was stupid. Their stepmom really chewed me out for that. & twice I also cursed out my TBM sister in front of them because of the way she was treating me.

I have no idea what their TBM mom thinks about this. Despite the fact that they live with her, I haven't seen or spoken to her in over a year. She doesn't speak to me or call or e-mail for any reason.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/07/2013 10:41PM by Tristan.

Look at the visit #s for Mormonthink from one 8illboard. LDS is the Titanic and the smart folks already left or are leaving on the life boats. How are things going to be a year from now, 5 years from now?

Don't assume that everything will always be as it is now either with your family or you.

Good luck and know things will get better.

Sorry about the loss of your family. I spent many years with no family support and I know how lonely it feels. Things will get better with time.

No you won't be completely alone. YOU need to find new people who can accept you....they are everywhere. And when you tell normal people about your crazy family they will welcome you in. Just know it is their loss when a family disowns you. They are the losers. They are the ones who are judgemental. It will only take a little time til you realize that their love for the church over you-flesh and blood relative- is purely a sickness. That is out of your control. One day they may realize it, but if they don't you won't have to deal with people like that anymore.

I have tried so hard to fit in, & it's just not working at all. I'm just too screwed up. I will be lucky if I'm able to find work again. I don't think I will be able to. I'm afraid of ending up out on the street very soon. I'm just so tired.

I'm sorry for venting, everyone. I'm really, really sorry.

Tristan I have a daughter who is feeling like you concerning work. She is so tired and has been so patient and now just wants a normal working life. Hard to get these days. YOU are not alone. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I was fired from my last 2 jobs for screwing up, & I'm pretty damn sure that no one is going to hire me again because of that. I'm just a fuck up. I have no excuses.

Of course you're crying nonstop. You've been ex'ed from your family. Doesn't mean you're mentally ill or a fuck up. It means you're human and grieving.
When you can, look at your job history & see if there are things to learn from it, even if that is how to deal with difficult people better. Take a job doing anything. You can fix this.
The only way you'll be alone is if you want to be. Have some faith in yourself. You may have to learn how to reach out to people. You can do this too!

Let me echo of course you're crying, you've been a victim of emotional abuse your entire life. They're getting what they want, a scapegoat to dump on.
Take a look at the Karpman drama triangle: http://en.Wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
And, dysfunctional family dynamics: http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html

You do need to get away from your abusers, even if you have to spend some time being very poor as you rebuild yourself and your life. The tradeoff of currently living comfortably is not worth the expense of your emotional wellbeing.
You will perform better at your future employment without this abuse in your life.

Naw, we're here. You're not alone. I'm so sorry for your position that you're in. Several of us have been there, and it is a heart-wrenching position to be in. I hope we can help in some way.

Tristan, many of us have been on the same path you are on now. I know it seems hopeless but your families rejection of you is not your fault, you are not responsible for their feelings, it takes a lot of strength to stand up for truth things won't go your way at first but hang-in there and stay positive and things will eventually get better in your life and you will be a stronger person for it.

At first it bothered me how I've been shunned by my whole social network, but now I'm glad and I kinda shun them.

You see, I have a hard time being around mormons, wether they are family or not. Now that I've normalized, the mormons still in my life are cultic and bother me. I don't like how they disapprove, look down on me, judge me, act all superior etc. In fact when I'm around some of them for any length of time, it will piss me off for a day to a few days.

You see, they are right, and you are wrong about everything. (in their minds)

By being away from them you are ending emotional abuse. Mormons are cultic and lack empathy, so no great loss.

Now you get to choose/create your own family, and you don't have to be related to them. Friends can be an excellent new family. With the upcoming holidays, make sure you reach out to friends and invite them to share holiday moments with you. Also, if you face being alone on Thanksgiving or Christmas, volunteer to serve at a soup kitchen or similar. It's great to spend the day with people who understand giving of themselves.

Volunteering on one or both holidays is very good advice!

You're just the first, hope that others have the courage to get out.

Hang in there, we've all been through some very painful things that we didn't deserve because of this cult. It will get better.

Tristan, are there any Exmo meetups in your area?

Tristan, it's quite possible that one day your nephews will figure out the truth, and they'll need you, or at least come to respect you for your wisdom.

I'm so proud of my uncle, the "family screw up" who announced in fast and testimony meeting that the church was NOT TRUE. He did have a few false starts in his career, and he should have cut back on the smoking before developing severe emphysema, but he DID get one thing more right than any of his siblings. And he must have had some serious guts. Incidentally, when he finally found his passion in his 30s, he was quite successful.

If he were still alive, I think I'd actually make a trip to Idaho to tell him how much I admire him now.

I can only hope that your nephews will also come looking for you one day. In the meantime, cry. Let it all out. Then find someone who doesn't mind your work history and values your strengths. I'm sure there's an employer out there who will want you.

Hugs!

Alone? Not likely. You left 15 million +/- Mormons who could only love you conditionally. Now you have 7 billion possibilities in the rest of the world who could love you UNconditionally.