Several years ago I did a summer internship in a rural part or the country. I attended a singles branch that consisted of about 20 active members. One of the members was 34 years old, he was well educated, successful career, and well spoke. As far as looks he wasn't anything impressive but not ugly either. He was slim, short, and kind of balding. I never got the impression that he was gay, more the impression that he was holding out for something better than he probably deserved. But being in a rural area there weren't many in the branch or nearby areas to choose from anyways.

This guy was very active in the church in fact he was the stake executive secretary, always around the SP. One day in EQ he pulled out a letter he had received from the church, he read parts of the letter to us, the letter basically told him that he should be seriously searching for an eternal companion, basically telling him it was time to get married, and was signed by a general authority.

I had never heard of this before or ever since, I remember thinking it odd that the church would personally write him a letter saying 'get married!'

Anyone heard of something like this?

I've heard of this from bishops, but never something so official. My guess is that they wanted to issue a calling to him that they only give to married men.

That would be bishop and the bible says is to be married to one woman...

rather than

two to fifty woman
another man
an animal

be a "dreaded single adult."


I had a friend who was also slim and blond living in Utah who was Ward Clerk. He told me he was marrying a member in her thirties who wanted to have a baby. Felt it was his duty. Then came the real reason - members were suspicious that he was gay and he was actually a homophobe.

Guess how long that marriage lasted?

No baby, thank Zeus.


Anagrammy

Actually, the bible doesn't say squat about being single -- I checked. Recently. There's nothing in there. You are expected to be celibate until marriage according to Paul. However, neither God nor Jesus ever once said that you are required to marry. After the flood, god told everyone to go forth and multiply, but A) he didn't specify you had to be married first and B) everything in the OT is cancelled out in the Gospels when Jesus delivers the Sermon on the Mount and starts talking about the new and only commandment: as I have loved you, love one another.


The pressure to be married was a Paul of Tsarsus thing. Paul must have been a total control freak, but marriage has been used to control proprty ever since.

I thought there was a new testament scripture that said it's good to stay single, but IF you can't control yourself and stay celibate then you should marry. Isn't that the Catholic church's justification for celibate priests?

An opinion written by a well-known early Christian theologian, St. Augustine, but not found in New Testament scripture.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2013 02:22PM by mysid.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9.

Right, which is pretty much what I just said. You are expected to remain celibate, but nobody said you HAVE to get married.

Also, Paul was a disciple. That is not a diety. I don't do "[Authority] says you have to..."

Many moons ago, when I was a manager, some random employee said to me, on a casual Friday. "I thought there was an unwritten rule that managers don't wear jeans on Fridays." I replied, "When they write it down, it's a rule, until then, it's just an opinion." She said, "But Lorraine said..." (Lorraine was the president of the company) I said, "Don't 'Lorraine said me;' If Lorraine wants me to do or not do something, she will tell me to my face. She's not going to send some minion to do it." I feel the same way about the bible. If God or Jesus didn't say it, it's just some dude's opinion. (All discussion of A) God's and Jesus's words are still interpretations by people and B) I am an atheist so this is all moot aside.)

Paul actually recommended that one NOT marry.

I know one TBM who threatened his son that if he did not get married by thirty, he would pick out a wife for him! Said son did get married before thirty and has many children. Fortunately, the wife and children are also brilliant and talented.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2013 05:03PM by rhgc.

I have a BIL that is well up into middle age and STILL SINGLE, yet a church FANATIC. He has LDS women all over him and always has. I suspect he MIGHT be Gay and celebite, but I would never ask him that.

sick. : (

The sick thing is that TSCC says people should get married, unless they're gay, then they should either marry someone of the opposite gender, or remain celibate if they want to be members in good standing.

He even told us that they told him he couldn't teach seminary any more if he didn't get married. I can't remember exactly what happened. I know he did eventually get married, but I'm not sure if it was before they made him quit. I was a senior at the time and it seems to me that that was his last year teaching seminary. He was about 32.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2013 04:54PM by cl2.

Cause I wanted to.

How unhealthy

Not you getting married at 34. I am not married but the concept of people having to get married evn if it is to some random nut wit.

last week a close friend of me married... finally... he is 32, handsome, well educated, a wonderful person ..... but gay ... he married a girl. I feel pity for both of them. In so many ways.

My dad is the textbook Mormon. Super active, former bishop, current high councilor, many leadership positions, etc...
But, my mom died (cancer), so because of the 'married' rule, he can't hold certain positions/do certain tasks (like be the Priesthood holder at girls camp). It's ridiculous and stupid.

That is ridiculous. But it's also ridiculous that they need a priesthood leader at girls camp.

I was devastated to be suddenly divorced, and lose my status in the Mormon church. Suddenly, I was at the bottom rung of the latter day saints hierarchy. It was a relief to be out of an awful marriage, my children were a joy to be with, we liked the outdoor sports in Utah, I had a great career, and was happier than most of the married Mormon women I knew. The only time I cried and felt sorry for myself, and wished I weren't "alone" was when someone criticized me for not getting married again. TSCC made me feel that I was cheating my children out of a father, and putting them in danger of straying out of the flock. A high percentage of children "from a broken home" do leave the church. When we ALL left, together, I finally felt whole. I was doing just fine without the priesthood in my life.

My Dear Uncle was a never married TBM. He had some kind of injury while in WWII which caused him to not be able to have sex. Hence, He did not marry. He argued with TSCC about the "Can't get into the CK without being married etc." and he explained why he was not married many times. Didn't matter. TSCC asked him several times to get married so he could fulfill his pristhood exaltation bullshit. He finally got dis-fellowshipped about his arguing.
You'd never meet a nicer man. He adopted a son and did everything but get married. He was a RM too.
I kept hoping he would just leave like I did, but he kept trying to get them to see it his way (a complete waste of time). He died unmarried with his son and grandkids around him.
I'm glad he finally learned that he was a FABULOUS human being married or not. He was a great person. I miss him.

Honestly - what kind of a marriage is this guy going to end up with under that pressure? Take time and figure out who is right for you - don't marry quickly because of someone else's revelation.

What I Would Write Back To Them:


So and So:

I was troubled by your letter, since you don't know me that well or know what I have been through in relationships. Do you honestly believe that I would like to be alone the rest of my life if I could help it? Who in their right mind has visions of dying all alone in a nursing home because they have no spouse, children or grandchildren to keep them company in their old age? Calling me to marry and not realizing how single members feel shows a lack of empathy on your part.

Yes, there have women that I have loved that rejected me or the relationship just didn't work out - this is okay because it wasn't meant to be. I have been actively pursuing life and relationships, however what I do in this regard isn't the business of anyone else but myself. I don't have to explain to anyone why my relationships didn't work out and lead to marriage. When it happens to work out, I will marry. It has to be with the right woman at the right time. It is insulting to think that someone believes I am not doing what I can in my life, which is not true at all.

-- 34 Year Old Single

The church really loves males more than females. I'm 38 female never married. I never recieved a letter telling me to get married. Even though is dosen't matter, it is just the point. Even if I was a little TBMish I would be highly offended.

Huh? Getting such a letter is a sign of love?

If you think this is shorting women, you look a little desperate to be a victim.

Remember, the church hates the sex drive of men - porn, etc. In the eyes of the church, men are vile, disgusting creatures.

Most women agree.

heck, I was pressured to get married at 19 when I was at BYU! I was the 'old maid' of all my roommates. Everyone else was married, had a wedding planned, or was getting engaged. As I approached 20 I really thought I was never going to get married... the horror!

They probably don't do anything like this of course but I'd be interested in knowing as I'm probably never getting married.

Logan's Run -- Carousel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSUAAKFLoL0