Whoever hasn't read exitingconvert's story, read it now.

Your story made me cry! Still, I'm happy for you, that you know the truth!

One poster responded that they could have cut and pasted a lot of your story, and that goes for me, too! I developed what I called "Sunday depression," which lasted for years, until I left the cult. I have been free for 7 years, now, and the depression never returned. The problems began when my husband moved me and our children to Utah, and then abandoned us here a few days later. We were new, and didn't know anyone, and the Mormon neighbors gave us attention, so I rejoined the Mormon cult, after being inactive for several years.

1) I was afraid of being "alone" with no husband and no financial support.

2) I had been brainwashed into believing that "The Mormon Church is the best way to raise children."

3) I still thought it might be true.

I can relate to everything you say about being a single woman in the Mormon church. Having children gave me a little bit of status, but not much. You are right. There is no place in the Mormon church for unmarried women.

My self-esteem began to erode. I thought it was because I was brutally divorced (We didn't know where my ex was, and didn't hear from him for four years, and very few times since). But, I moved on from that--I didn't want a man who would abandon his own children. I had some money of my own, and a graduate degree, so I worked and continued my education, until I obtained the career I have now. My children started with babysitting, and paper routes, until they were old enough to get jobs. They paid for most of their college education and advanced degrees. Life was hard! I don't remember the exact moment I realized that the Mormon cult was making life HARDER for us. My kids hated church, and didn't believe, and church was the only thing we argued about. The Mormons have no respect for women--and even less respect for a working mother. The bishops advised me to quit work and go on welfare, so I could stay home with the children. Also, in the few months before I got my job, the bishop told me to pay tithing ANYWAY, and if I couldn't feed my children, to go on church welfare. I realized that the Mormons didn't care about us at all.

I like what you wrote: "I should mention that it's only at church I feel excluded. I have good friends, my family love me, and I'm well liked at work." --Isn't is sad that we have to justify ourselves, when the Mormons shun us! The Mormons are a tiny closed group of weird-o's, who purposely try to mess up our lives. The truth is, that "The World" is full of wonderful, loving friends! We did not "fail" in the Mormon church; we "succeeded" in learning the truth and getting out.

When we were sill in the confines of Mormonism, my confidence began to disappear, also, and even though the kids and I were doing well, and we were good, honest people, the ward was criticizing me, and gossiping about me. I got panic attacks, and began second-guessing my decisions, having nightmares--this was not good for my career. The Sunday depression was still mild, but it began Friday night, and lasted until Wednesday.

Leaving is painful. You might go through the "grieving process" like most of us did. You might get very angry sometimes, and at other times you might feel lonely. We all went through this emotional roller coaster. Hang on, because it not only gets better--it gets amazing! Even your worst days of questioning, being shunned, feeling lost--are better than the best days of being a Mormon minion. Who wants to be lied-to, used, extorted for money, judged, rudely insulted, unloved? My children and I are so much happier! You will be, too. You are not alone.