We exited the church shortly after a big move. In the midst of the moving, I was balancing our account and because so many things were still unpacked, I was doing some guesswork at what checks we had written that were still floating. Based on the check numbers that had cleared the account, there was one missing. I had no idea who the check had been written for and for what amount, but the time frame I would have written it in suggested that it was probably a tithing check. Now, I had been mailing our tithing checks to our BP because we had lived almost an hour away from the church and I always forgot to bring my checkbook with us on Sundays, so it was just convenient to mail the offering envelope, which of course is preaddressed to go to the BP's house. I sent our old BP an email inquiring if the check may have gotten missed at his house, since more than enough time had passed for it to have been deposited (at least a month). He said that he hadn't seen it but he would look the next time he was in town (he frequently travels for business). I reviewed the account again, as well as another account, and found a tithing payment at about the same time coming from this other account, so I wrote him again and told him never mind, the check I was missing must have been for something else.
Enough time passed that I decided that the check must have been a voided check, because it never cleared. But, being a dummy, I didn't think to put a stop payment on it. Oh, how I wish I had. Because today I discovered that the mysterious check had cleared! $300+!!! And, bingo! It WAS a tithing check, so apparently we were extra generous that month and wrote an additional check? Who knows what was going on, we were moving and things were hectic. But I am pissed that the BP cashed it without even giving me a heads up! I mean, the date on that check is from MAY 2013!And the fact that I had asked about a missing check, and he doesn't even think to say, hey, I found it! AND, it overdrew the account it came out of, because I don't keep a lot of money in that account anymore, just enough for specific expenses!
There is another detail that bothers me--just last week I told a few friends in that area that we had left the church. Is the timing of this a little too coincidental?! Maybe word got back to BP and he decides to cash the check as some kind of retaliation? I have to say that is hard to believe, I always liked this BP and he never hesitated to help our family when we were in a bind. But I have an itch to write him and tell him that if I could choose, I would rather that check had been written to him and not to the church--as I know he personally funded the fast offering fund on more than one occasion to help us out!! I would rather that than TSCC getting one more dollar of our money! Fuming!!

I think I only gave $100 dollars the last year I left the church. Oh well. Live and learn and be glad you won't be sending anymore checks to LDS Inc.

Oh yes, I am glad for that, Hanklee. Just mad that they got a final poke at my wallet!!

I don't know what to say, But it is hard to see 300 dollars disappear out of your account. It is like buying a wedding cake and suddenly it is smashed to floor, no refunds. Or like buying a car only to find out the miles were rolled back after you signed a contract.

The only way you can make yourself feel better is to hope they use the 300 dollars for actual poor starving people in Africa. But sadly it will proberly go to fund a temple or the mall, or to buy more land in florida. But at least you know you never going to make this same mistake again. HUGS!

Frankie, good analogies. Ugh, right before Christmas too!

I thought checks couldn't be cashed after 6 months. I would go to your bank and see if they'll reverse it.

That was my mistake also, which contributed to my lack of follow up when time had passed. And actually I thought it was three months, but had this confused with employer checks. From what I now understand, there is no definite rule for when a personal check expires and it's up to the bank to decide whether to honor it. I don't expect to receive any sympathy from this bank as it is located in UT and is probably run by Mormons anyway. :P

Nah, you wrote a check and they cashed it. There's nothing nefarious about that.

In fact, I saw several examples of irresponsibility just in that one post, so I'd call it an "I wasn't paying attention tax." I can't imagine having so much money to spare that I could write two $300 checks and not even know what the checks were for or for how much. I can't even get into the headspace required to care that little about where my money is going. So it appears to me that you ignored the details in your finances for months on end and now all of a sudden you're angry because someone cashed a legitimate check that YOU WROTE to them.

Sorry if I'm having trouble mustering up some outrage. I pay way closer attention to money than allowing enough to make a car payment to float around, unaccounted for, for months.

#SMH

Normally I do pay close attention to what checks are written, to whom, how much,etc. As I said we were in the middle of a move, so things were in boxes. I don't write checks all that often, do most everything through bill pay, only use checks for places that don't accept a debit card. It was a stressful move, there was a lot going on that I don't need to get into, so yeah--my head wasn't on straight. We had a crossover of two checks from two different employers during the transition, the new employer having provided a sign in bonus which is where the extra came from. We don't have a lot of money to throw around as you seem to assume. You don't know every detail of what was going on in my life at the time so I don't expect you to get the full picture. But suffice it to say that I was under considerable stress with a house full of kids and various other contributing factors that had things in whirlwind mode for a few months . Obviously I'm not perfect, I accept that I made mistakes in the process but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to feel burned. When you've known someone for several years and you've had a conversation with them like the one in my OP, you expect a certain amount of common courtesy, in this case letting me know that there was in fact a check that had been sitting for 7 MONTHS in his house and he just now gets around to cashing it. So yeah, I'm not perfect, spent ten years of my life trying to be for the church corporation, but thanks for reminding me that this is unattainable. Fortunately I had already come to this conclusion some months ago after discovering the truth about TSCC.

We move all over the world with my hudsband's job - every one to two years. Every move I end up overpaying, underpaying, or somehow missing a bill, check, etc. Getting refunds or deposits and transfering this and that becomes a huge pain and sometimes I just hope for the best. I totally get how you could miss something, especially if you've got kids who are sad about moving, or if you're trying to manage finding a new home, new job, etc. It's no wonder moving is listed as one of life's top stressors.

How long are checks good for? 1 year from the date of issue? 6 months?

I have trouble understanding the logic of anybody writing checks and keeping no record of what for or to whom.

Yeah, I mean he said some stuff was still packed but I don't think I have ever moved without knowing where my checkbook was. I have checks clearing right now I don't know what they're for because my husband took a stack of checks and is writing them, but he's keeping track too and could ID the checks if I twisted his arm a little.

The check was valid when written and is still valid now without a stop payment. This is a "I wish I hadn't done that" thing, but not a wrong on the church's part. Probably the BP found the envelope and deposited the check with a bunch of others without a second thought.

I thought initially this would be a "they keep drafting from my account after I said to stop" story.

Glad you're both perfect when it comes to finances, good for you. This had more to do with the personal friendship shared with this BP and the fact that he didn't think twice about cashing a check from someone who had needed extensive financial help in the last--not thinking for a moment how cashing that check might negatively impact that person if they had written the check off as lost and/or resolved. Also, he doesn't likely get numerous checks in the mail, as we were one of only a few that lived rurally distant and have the need to take advantage of that process. Our branch was SMALL, so it's also unlikely that he would simply look past my name as just another envelope to bring to the church. He knows we've been gone for several months and I can't imagine him forgetting our conversation about the check. He is a successful businessman and as such has demonstrated the ability to remember fine details like this. Again,never claimed I didn't make mistakes, just thoroughly disappointed that someone I had known for so long would dismiss the idea of letting me know he found the check.

Hi Torn,
I'm sorry some people are making judgmental comments toward you.

It's unfortunate that not all Ex-Mo's come from an empathic, compassionate mind. I felt like they were kicking you when you were already hurting. No one is perfect & I wish people would be more compassionate, but it is true that about 1 out of every 100 people, in whatever religion or former religion they are, just can't put themselves in the shoes of someone who's hurting.

Just want to let you know there are plenty of readers who'll see those statements & think, "Wow! How mean!"

To me you sound quite thorough, even phoning the Bishop. It was rude of him.

I stopped paying 6 months before I left. It wasn't a conscious thing. I just kept putting off paying. I'd "forget" to pay. I'd bring home a tithing slip and not fill it out. I kept track of how much money I owed, but as time went along, it got harder and harder for me to write the check out.

When I finally realized that I no longer wanted to attend, I realized that I had subconsciously been debating it for months. I didn't pay because part of me was thinking of leaving. I saved myself a few thousand dollars by procrastination.

The moral of the lesson: if you are uncomfortable paying tithing, just set it aside until you feel more comfortable. You can always pay it later, but they will never give it back to you.

I'd be fuming too, regardless. It is just one, hopefully final, slap in the face from the corporation that masquerades as a church.

I used to pay tithing monthly. The church got the maximized amount when I paid that way. I took the "pay the lord first" literally. It was always 10% on the net amount.

Then I ran into talmages phamplet "The Lord's Tenth" and saw how it contrasted and was bastardized by Jeffery R. Holland in one of his GC addresses. That realy opened my mind.

I transitioned to paying tithing yearly after that. I looked at my bills, paid the needs, and treated myself like a business entity.

I thought "Income to a person are like profits to a business."

I paid 10% on whatever I considered to be my profits or leftover money for the year. Obviously that number was significantly less than when I paid monthly.

That method worked for some time. I'm glad I ran into others that felt the same way.

http://www.mormonsundayschool.org/044-tithes-and-fasting-doctrine-covenants-and-church-history/

Then I ran into more questions, more holes into the church history narrative story until finally I didn't pay one more dime to the LDS Inc.

I left for good.

The way you describe the bishop it doesn't sound like he would have done it on purpose. Perhaps his wife found it while he was on one of his business trips and put it with a stack of other tithing envelopes and he just handed them all over to the clerk for processing without looking at them.
Anything could have happened.

I call things like that "tuition in the school of life." :-/ The good news is that is the *last* payment you will ever make to LDS, Inc.

Call your bank and report fraud. Then, CLOSE that acct. Reopen a new checking acct for those particular bills.

Bank of America, the bank that I use, has an online "Bill Pay" feature. The account holder chooses the payee, the amount to pay, and the date the payment will be made. With this facility the user does not need to "write down" the amount(s) of checks written.

I use BofA Bill Pay to make all my payments from my checking account and I don't bother to keep a hand-written check register. BofA provides a running online statement of checking account transactions. They provide an online .pdf monthly statement, which I download and save to my computer.

I have been using this BofA service for seven years and have never had any problems. This is ideal for a person who has trouble keeping track of the paper checks that they write, as is apparently the situation here with the original poster.

If there are no BofA branch banks nearby, with most large employers you can have your payroll check direct-deposited to your checking account. Or if you must receive a paper check they have a mail-in service you can use to deposit it to your checking account.

This is the best way to have a checking account. Other banks may offer the same type of service -- shop around.

I have BoA as well. I don't use the online Bill Pay but I do keep very close track of my account. When a check clears, I put a red check mark next to that number in my check register. It makes it very easy to keep track of what has cleared and what hasn't.

The BillPay feature of most banks today is great. However, this wouldn't have solved her probelm of BofA had already sent out the check and it was waiting on it to be cashed.

I haven't had a need to do it, but I wasn't sure if you could cancel a check once it had already been issued by BofA. If the check was canceled, I guess they would just pass the fee on to you.

As you know, the only way to keep the check to the LDS Church from being cashed was to put a Stop Payment on it. Unfortunately, you didn't do that, so, regardless of who saw the check or when they found it, it was cashed. People don't often pay attention to the date, and a check is usually good for a year.

That seems to be the end of it for you and your family.

If you itemize and have enough deductions, you can use your contributions as a charitable deduction on your tax returns. They will send you a receipt from the LDS Church if you need it to verify your contributions. It might benefit you but you'll have to figure that out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2013 12:32PM by SusieQ#1.

I think you need to have at least $11,000 dollars worth of deductions or more in order to use line item deductions. Otherwise she'll just use the default one during tax time.

there was a time in my life where I didn't keep track--as I had too much going on. Most of our lives aren't perfect.

As for BofA--our mortgage got sold to them some years ago. Talk about total assholes. They kept threatening us because they didn't have proof of insurance. I'd call the insurance company and they'd send it YET AGAIN--when it is THE MORTGAGE COMPANIES who are required to pass that info on or collect it. We got at least 5 threatening letters. We re-mortgaged just to get out from under them. Thank whomever we didn't get our mortgage resold to them. Actually, our insurer said they had 40 clients dealing with the same thing at the time--and we have a local private insurer.

What's all the fuss about 300 dollars, you've decided not to pay anymore so just write it off,forget about it,it's not big beer,
As for anyone concerned about tithing,the answer is simple (DONT pAy it ) simple what's the big deal???

I thought, based on comments in this forum, TBMs believe that money didn't really belong to you, the HF is the owner and He/She only lends it to you.

So you're out nothing.

I suggest duplichecks. They only cost a little more than regular checks and you are left with a copy so you don't forget what the check was for.