I sitting home, bored because I have a stomach flu, cruising my friends' FB pages. A friend recently had a daughter get married, in Utah, at the ripe old age of 19 and posted more wedding photos a few days ago. Looking at the photos, it seemed like the grandparent, both sets life-long, small town, very believing Utah Mormons looked like the meanest, grumpiest people I've ever seen. It made me think of other TBM Mormons I know in the over-70 age group and with rare exceptions, they are not kind, loving, gentle, accepting people. They are hard-core, follow-the-rules-or-die Mormons and look just as tough and unforgiving. The nice Mormons I know in this age group are all the ones with inactive children, a laid back approach to church and a people-first attitude toward life. This goes for people my age too - the 40-something crowd. It seems like the nicer Mormons are the less-obedient Mormons. The only three women in the ward I can say I actually like are the one who is active now with her second husband, but had one out of wedlock kid with her first before she married him and had a second kid. And the one who didn't convert til she was 20 and has a full family of non-Mormons she hangs out with on a regular basis. And the young mom who, with her husband, were real partiers til they had kids and got active.

Yet the ones who led stellar, exemplary lives and are held up as a standard of obedience in the ward have all been snotty, judgmental and outright nasty - unless assigned to be nice. I wouldn't be friends with any of them - I much prefer those who take the church less seriously. Honestly, they talk about the fruits of Mormonism all they want but if the more you partake of the fruit, the less admirable you seem, then there is something wrong with those fruits.

There is a dose-response correlation.

Pops went on a trans-pacific-mediterranean freighter cruise for three months.
Came back a normal relaxed almost nice guy.
Two weeks as a temple nub his very presence was again toxic.

This cult makes people sick.

I think back on a few bishops of my acquaintance

the one who still has my respect - even as an ex-mo - was the one most willing to bend the rules and do what he felt was right rather than stick to the rules

the most TBM one, was the one most despised when I was a member and well as now.
[most TBM.... a subjective judgement, maybe....but this was the guy who didnt have a TV set in his house, because entertainment wasn't conducive to the spirit]

I would say true. Just one example, it's always the more liberal bishops that are easier to put up with then the ultra-conservative ones. (Though ironically, one of the most ultra-conservative bishops I had was a democrat, while the two more liberal ones were Republicans. I mean conservative/liberal in regards to Mormonism, not political philosophy.)

I like this topic. Thanks for posting it.

In my experience, the meanest Mormons were the ones who had no other thing about their life that meant much. (I'm not usre if they got that way because along the way they jettisoned everything else in the name of Mormonism, or if they just tunneled in on it from the get go.)

These are the ones who were not particularly bright, not particularly energetic, and didn't have anything about their lives that amounted to much in a personal or professional way.

It was like they could point to their "Robes of the Holy Priesthood" as the one thing they could lord over non-Mormons (and new Mormons).

Then you'd better watch out, as the venom rises up and spews all over the offender. Even in his 20s, he was that way.

+1 my sister is one of the most likable people there is. But if you challenge her beliefs........ venom, that is the exact word I would use to describe it..... damn scary!

True.

My best TBM friend is really cool, he doesn't take the church seriously even though he is very TBM. He's fine doing whatever it is that makes him happy, church be damned.

On the other extreme you have my mother, uber-TBM and not very nice at all. Several years ago, my wife and I went to dinner with my parents. The waitress tried to sell us on the house wine, my mom cut her off by proudly telling her that we don't drink. The waitress said she understood and proceeded to tell some story about her grandmother's homemade wine, my mom cut her off again and told her, "we don't care". My jaw nearly hit the table.

I'll bet your mom drank her beverage with a spitter that night. Active Mormons are the best anti-Mormons there are.

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'll bet your mom drank her beverage with a
> spitter that night. Active Mormons are the best
> anti-Mormons there are.

No doubt.

After dinner, my wife told me we would never go to dinner with my parents again. We've kept that streak alive for almost 10 years, too bad we'll be dining with them and some visiting siblings Monday evening. I'll be on the lookout for her typical TBM behavior.

Your dad just sat there like a bump on the log after your mom's unfortunate comment?

newcomer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Your dad just sat there like a bump on the log
> after your mom's unfortunate comment?

Dad didn't skip a beat. If mom didn't say it, he would have.

My parents are cut from the same TBM cloth. Both of them are VERY condescending to unbelievers and infidels. They really think they're better than them. They won't admit to that but actions speak louder than words.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2013 09:15PM by Hold Your Tapirs.

I worked at a bookstore by a temple and every Monday, the temple workers would come in. I hated Mondays. Most were just plain nasty to me for no reason. In one case we did not have a book one wanted and I offered to order it and put a rush on it at no cost to them. They yelled at me calling me incompetent among other things. They left, and I cried. I called a Stake Patriarch friend of mine and he said they call the people that the Bishops are sick of dealing with to be temple workers. He had seen it over and over again.

It's because lds inc is a letter of the law church instead of a spirit of a spirit of the law church and it's run like a business and the success of a business is largely independent of how nice it's employees are. The church is more interested getting its members to run the corporation than in how nice they are. If you are the type that could successfully manage a company then u would make a "good" Mormon.

Although I've encountered several Mormons over the years, there are only two I've ever known pretty well--one a good friend, the other a neighbor I've grown close to over the last year or so. The neighbor is TBM and genuinely nice (albeit uptight about a lot of things--no surprise there, I guess).

My friend who is a more "relaxed" Mormon (married to an atheist never-Mo, doesn't always wear garments, etc.), on the other hand, can be very judgmental and, at times, bitchy. However, I have sometimes wondered if some of those negative traits stem from her own feelings of guilt knowing she's not entirely living up to TBM standards. (It's always easier to judge others than oneself, after all.) She does frequently go to the local temple to perform ordinances, and I know she goes to church weekly too, so obviously she's still a believer.

Hope you feel better soon, CA girl.

I know, personally, that I became a much nicer person the moment I no longer believed.

In that moment I was no longer superior to those I "served", to non-Mormons, to anyone. I no longer felt the pressure of pretending perfection. I was now just one of the masses. I remember the joy and the shock in that joy! How could I be happier just being one of the masses...instead of special? Instead of "chosen". But I was! Suddenly I felt human and non-judgmental and free. Free to be happy! I could laugh! I could stop trying so hard! I could stop expecting everyone else to try to be better! And I...finally...could surrender.

And yes, that made me nicer. :) Not a false nice, with rules and conditions and expectations...but a REAL nice full of acceptance and love.

There was an Elder Magnusson (sp?) on my mission who was talked about as not following the rules. He supposedly slept in late and wasn't good about following a lot of other directives. He was my most favorite missionary in our entire mission.