Thanks to all who replied to my request for a sample:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1127333,1127333#msg-1127333

The results (out of 31 responses):

22 (71%) = 1. Spouse left before, after, or along with me
4 (13%) = 2. Spouse stayed in and we made it work
2 (6.5%) = 2.5
2 (6.5%) = 3. Spouse stayed in, but my leaving is a huge problem
1 (3%) = 4. Spouse and I got divorced because of church

So, maybe I should have had a choice for "sometimes works, sometimes a huge problem" or "I can't decide." Either way, I'm surprised; I would have expected a more even distribution.

Thirty-one respondents is nowhere near a valid sample size. Still, we do seem to have a large number of folks whose spouses also left. That's encouraging, I think.

And, finally, kudos to the 5 respondents (16%) who followed my instructions exactly.

Carry on! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2014 08:32PM by munchybotaz.

My wife distanced herself from the church about a year after I admitted that I no longer believed in Mormonism and is now firmly agnostic.

It's encouraging that this may actually be the trend in Mormon disaffiliation.

The thread was closed when I tried to reply. Anyway, for what's it's worth, I decided first but DW + kids all resigned at same time.

1. She had things on shelf before me, but mine broke first. We both read the Late War/Napoleon threads as they were happening and said "that's it, there's nothing left, it's all bullshit". Same time

6 weeks later and our entire family were completely extracted.

MaxxedOut, haha, now I know where those books in the library came from. We did the same, although a lot went to the tip as well

DW, ten children, twenty-four GCs, 9 SILs and DILs, still in. Long road ahead to getting them out. Some strains on marriage and on relation to children. GD suggested she wants me to die (so she can baptize for me).

Lovely! :(

I was told that, as a result of me no longer wanting to be associated with TSCC, "it's my own fault if I die alone."

I left first. I knew she would have left me if I had attempted earlier.

Wife left a year later and so did the kids.

The church kept the kids on the records for another three years, even though they resigned same time as wife. The only way we found out was that the primary president let it slip. We raised hell, got on the phone with COB, and it was over quickly for them.

All out.

...to just "problem" instead of "huge problem" more people would have picked it.

My TBM wife tolerates my disaffection from the church and even seems to enjoy the wiggle room it gives her. But, she believes in TSCC and still dutifully does it, and expresses disappointment whenever I'm unwilling to go along with some church thing she likes. So it's a problem, but not necessarily a "huge" problem...yet.

I missed the poll, but we're in the last category: Spouse and I got divorced (largely) because of church.

I left first. Spouse left, but hugely resented me for it. Spouse became progressively more abusive and then eventually dumped me, citing religion as a major reason. I'm betting they will eventually return to church, if only to entrap a new partner.

I didn't see that thread - I think I am a different animal than most.

I was single when I left TSCC. I met my husband after I left the church. He is a never mo--

Yes, when I go in and out of my spouse sometimes I shout out

4.

I left the church and our relationship deteriorated over the next few years. Ended in divorce. Ironically, I hear that my exwife and her siblings/families have all since left the church, too. However, they are inactive, non-garment wearing Dehlin-ites, according to sources.

My life worked out for the best tho. I am now married to smoking hot never-Mo, and a baby on the way. It's dumbfounding to think that Mormonism once had such a pull in my life.

1. I got sick of all the work of callings, and stopped attending after a move into another ward and the birth of our daughter. Hubby followed suit, as he really deep down thought it was all made up. It took me about 5 years to really let it all go mentally, it is so deeply engrained on my mind. I kept getting pulled back in because I was lonely as a young mother for the company of other young mothers. But then they'd start talking about Joseph Smith and I'd have to quit going. I'm so glad I saved my innocent children from it all. Marriage struggled, but intact, and better than ever, 15 years together this May!

1. Husband and children led me out. (Though I did return temporarily, when we moved to Utah, but after a little while, we formally resigned.)

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1.

Maybe the threat of losing your spouse and family is just another Mormon scare tactic!

Not "Maybe", it absolutely is. TSCC doesn't have to keep married members in line because the TBM spouses and TBM extended family members do it for them. And it works "passively" too: the threat of being excluded is real especially in environments where majority of the community is LD$, or where the social circles simply are mostly from TSCC.

I had the impression, just from reading here on RfM over the last 7 years, that a lot more marriages were ending or in serious trouble. I expected more 3s and 4s.

But, it could be my choice of words, the people reading and posting on this particular day, previous posts about marriage difficulties leaving a stronger impression ... who knows. I wouldn't trust this tiny sampling to tell us any more than we have a lot of people whose spouses also left.