I've been lurking on this board for about a month now, and it has been really helpful. I stopped attending the Mormon church approximately 5 years ago, but I think perhaps I'm just beginning to process all the emotions. For whatever reason, CA girl's topic really struck a chord with me, and I wanted to respond, however the thread was closed.

For me, the hardest thing to let go of is the community and the certainty. I used to feel very safe, like the world was ordered in a particular way, and I was in the right place in it, and all was well. Now, things are not so tidy, and while that is freeing it is also sometimes scary.

Yes I agree, Life outside of the set of LEAVE IT TO BEAVER is more real and reality is not necessarily an Easter basket full of chocolate bunnies.

When a person is addicted to guilt, it is hard to let go of.

For me it's easy to let go of. I wake up every morning with a sense of "oh yeah I don't have to feel like a douche for being a human being." Such a flipping fantastic feeling.

Of course I do know what you mean. But that's kind of the excitement of it...life's what you make of it now. You're in complete control. Embrace it, it's liberating.

It's hardest to let go of your pickle.

But I'm not holding my pickle.

There were very few things I had to "let go of" at the end! I wanted out so badly, that nothing could have persuaded me to stay. I miss nothing. Maybe it was hard to let go of that feeling of fear, of impending doom, that the MorGod was going to punish me.

I discovered that Mormons claim ownership of many things that it has doesn't even support--such as family, fun, love, beauty, creativity, good music, God, and Christ. I didn't have to give any of that up.

Some false friends gave me up. They did that, not me. I don't miss the phone ringing with people constantly asking me to do stuff I didn't want to do. I always preferred the company of my own family and my work colleagues, who were much more interesting and loyal.

I don't miss playing the organ at all, because the last one I was called to play was one of those living-room electronic thingies, and I was forced to play only Mormon music.

I do even more charity work--more hands on--than ever before.

I had to work hard to "let go" of some bad Mormon habits, probably.

For me it was letting go of such a nice scholarship at BYU. Certainly it hurt socially and other ways as well, but I had such a good deal at BYU partially because of my grades and partially because my dad works at BYU. But I couldn't stand it any longer, and now I have to pay out of state tuition without any scholarships or grants. It sucks, but I realize how staying at BYU for any longer would have sucked more (even if I secretly screwed the stupid honor code).

For me, it was letting go of the belief that there really was a Heavenly Father up there who really knew me, really cared about me, and would help me find my keys when needed. LOL

But truly, this belief gave me a feeling of security in this difficult, crazy world. It was my security blanket. I miss my blanket.

I was sad to lose my faith in my Mormon friends too. When I saw how they acted (or at least 90 percent of my ward acted) when I questioned, then left the church, I was appalled. I hate to say this, but I'm going to mistrust any Mormon from now on until they prove trustworthy. My instinct before was that someone I met was a good person because they were Mormon. Now my instinct is that I can't trust someone because they are Mormon until they prove me wrong. It also makes me more cautious of people in general and more of a ... well, not loner but I'm definitely getting in touch with my long buried introvert side, which was very good for me actually.

But as I mentioned, the Mormon belief for me that is still the hardest to let go of is the idea of a true love, soul-mate, happily ever after partner. I really bought into that Mormon sales pitch as a Young Woman. I thought I'd have that as a given if I just married in the temple. It's hard to back off from that and think "well, DH is my best friend, a normal, human guy that, while a challenge, is certainly worth being married to." I tend to think I messed up by not having a soul-mate I feel connected to. I realize it's something of a Cinderella fantasy that I need to give up on, like I can now have a cup of coffee or a beer without batting an eye. But this particular Mormon teaching is hard to admit is just an unrealistic church selling point like happy families and the blessings of tithing.

Nothing. I can't think of a single thing that I wanted to hang onto. It felt great to sweep it out the door and close the door. My life feels cleaner. Less cluttered with crazies and their crazy thoughts, ideas, projects.