My TBM FIL came by the house this evening.

It's always a pleasure... <insert extreme sarcasm warning here>

My wife is looking to go back to work and has talked to FIL about it.

He came by today to tell me (DW wasn't here) some advice he wanted me to give her when she came home. It was *REALLY* important. *snort* Usually its self-serving and time wasting.
Nothing new there.

A little background, when TBM FIL gets an idea he immediately comes over to the house, bangs on the door until he gets in and demands my sole attention until he has made his point.

There is no care for your ,schedulue and what you are doing. This is extremely annoying but I've learned to deal with it by just doing my chores, forcing him to yell or follow me (LOL) around.

Anyway, today's advice was that DW could get a job work for the local cemetery that is looking for plot and casket salepeople. WTF?? (Not only isn't this her career field *nursing* it pays bupkiss) Besides, there are tons of jobs in her career field.

But before I can tell him this, he blurts out that he prayed and got the answer that she will never get a job until we come back to church as a family and that her mother (died '97) was extremely upset at her for leaving the TSSC. You see, he talks to mother when he goes to the temple each month. (And his monthly visit was just last week)

BTW, my wife is looking for a certain type of employment opportunity (ER surgical charge nurse) and isn't in any real hurry. She's doing this mainly because she wants to get out of the house and get her doctorate which I'm encouraging her to do cause its good for her and the kids are of the age she can and is looking for a specific opportunity, hours and work enviornment. FIL obviously hasn't been listening to her--he's only listening to what he wants to hear and twisting it.

Soooo-if she doesn't get a job--it's because she's not going to church! Yeah, right. How does that work, exactly?

It just burns my butt how its all church all the time. And how prayers are so sacrosanct.

This whole argument of his is a classic circle jerk.

I thought dead people went to a nice flowery place full of light and love. Now we find out through him that dead people are somewhere "extremely upset".

I guess it's not worth dying if you are stuck somewhere extremely upset.

Your fil's cultish threats would work better if she was in the high tech industry.

I've recently moved from the Hosptial to a Deathcare system.
I've got to say both have drawback and upsides.

Nursing is very hard but rewarding in both money and personal good feeling.

But the Deathcare thing is actually pretty sweet. No one is going to die if you screw up and they don't really come down hard on you when you do. Much less stress but less pay.

Your FIL must be talking to the wrong spirits in the temple. The nursing field is always seeking jobs. Deathcare is harder to get into. Not much turnover.

Anubis

Does he know the mortician? Is he a Mormon? May he think his daughter will get the job, fall for the mortician and leave you.

I'm personaly glad you let him do this because I enjoyed the funny story, but maybe try this next time he comes with unsolicited advise;

1st time - I'm not going to talk with you about (insert subject here). This is a personal decision between me and "spouse". If we want your advise we will come to you. (then move on to another subject)

if he persists - (with a grin, and small snicker)I already told you we are not talking with you about that. Have enough respect for us, that you will actually listen to the words I say, and react accordingly. It's pretty easy if you try.

3rd strike - I don't care if you received revelation straight from God, I SAID WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS WITH YOU! Now do you have something else you would like to talk about, or do you have somewhere else you need to be.

If still persists put hands over ears and say "blah blah blah, I'm not listening, I'm not listening..." over and over again, until he stops. ;D


If you are more determined to stop this behavior than he is to do it, you will stop him.

It took me 15 years to train my FIL not to give me unsolicited advice.

It is really hard for him, it is his nature to try to fix things if they seem broken to him. I tried not to hold it against him, but at the same time did not really appreciate it.

I did value his opinion and would ask him at different times about things, especially since my own father died within a year after I got married.

But most of the stuff wasnt church related. If he came to me now with church advice, I might have a different response.

I would turn it back on him.

Tell him "You should go home now so that I can pray about this." Then tell him you got the opposite answer when he asks.

Or be a man and don't let him bully you. I can't fathom letting someone come into my home whenever they feel like it.

Friend of mine is an older Deputy Sheriff. A while back he went from patrol to full time deputy coroner. (Many if not all Sheriffs are also the Coroner for their county in U.S.) I asked him why he did this.

He said "I don't have to chase them up an alley. They don't pull a weapon on me. They don't try to sue me for excessive force."