Here is what led to me being told that.

I told someone I was tired of hearing the saying that "God will never give you more than you can handle". I said that I didn't believe such a thing and I felt that it discounts people that have great struggles and can't take it anymore. There are definitely people that can't. I then brought up how no one would commit suicide if they didn't have more on their plate than they could handle (not to mention some people have horrible depression). The person comes back and says that people that commit suicide are couwards and it is all about them. I find that to be such a cruel thing to say. Then this person starts throwing stuff at me about the Bible and Job and saying people draw closer to God and build character through their difficulties. I am sure some people do, if that's what they believe, but there are plenty of others that do not believe in God that have just as much character as anyone else.

Words are easy to say, but taking action is quite another matter. If that statement makes them feel better, fine, but it doesn't make me feel better and I am tired of hearing it thrown out there so much.

I need to figure out a good response and would appreciate some ideas.

Why do you care what someone that callous thinks anyway?

I don't care what they think which is why I asked here because I don't want to reply with something just as mean.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2014 10:42PM by formermollymormon.

The statement "God will never give you more than you can handle" is proven a lie with every suicide. A close relative of mine killed himself, because his burden was too heavy to bear.

onlinemoniker is right. Only awful people judge and sneer at suicides.

Bad wording. Often suicide shifts the burdens and pain to others so in that sense it can be remarkably selfish. I know someone who suffered and killed themselves leaving a wife an a baby. Yes I feel bad for their pain but I am angry at what they have done to others. This is not an easy issue.

Like I said.

I would consider whether to put that person on suicide watch. They may be bringing it up because they are upset with themselves for comtemplating suicide. Show sincere love to them, and consider that proffesional counseling may be needed. Seeking help is nothing to be ashamed of, a counsellor is like an adviser for your emotional wellbeing, everyone should have that benefit.

Are people who die of cancer cowards? My daughter died after a long and terrible illness. You can't fix cruel or stupid people.

I am so sorry for you loss Dorothy*. Cancer is terrible. My stepmom suffered greatly with cancer. Perhaps she could have lived a little longer had she done a full round of chemo but it was her decision not to because she was in so much pain. She put on a brave face, but her quality of life was not good.

I'm sorry I wasn't very clear. My daughter died by suicide. She'd been very ill with depression since she was seven years old. She was eighteen when she died. We did what we could to save her. The pain overwhelms their ability to cope. Cancer patients don't deserve judgement either. Sometimes the pain is too much.

I am so sorry dorothy*. I have no doubt you did everything you could to help your daughter.

For starters, I'm not even sure that "God only gives you what you can handle" is biblical (not that TBM's really care). As someone who has been on both sides of this I'll offer my two cents. As a child of a man who makes biannual trips to the psych ward due to suicide attempts, it came become overwhelming. And when you're emotionally drained it can become very difficult to remain supportive. As someone who first attempted suicide at the age of 8, it has nothing to do with being a coward. You genuinely feel that you either have no worth or that you are such an awful person that everyone would be happier without you.

Most want to put others down-
Sad. I want to pick them up!

First of all these people are very small. Evil will by small minds is easily thwarted.

Love them like they haven't been loved before, even if you don't like them. Don't let them take your energy. Be kind but firm. Offer them happiness and a shake, if you can, our just be yourself and know you are going somewhere while they are standing still.

If you keep in contact with this person, never allow them to complain ever again without throwing whatever they are going through at the time in their face.

I have heard this line of reasoning plenty of times. I tell them that trials are relative based on the individual and that it isn't anyone else's place to say what can be handled.

For people that believe in God, I tell them that only God might understand what that person had on their minds and will have compassion on them.

Oddly enough, for people that don't believe in God, I have never had a conversation about a suicidal individual being a "coward"

Religious people (and others) like to judge and complain, so never allow this person to do either without throwing doctrine/ their own words back to them.

I've been on that brink before. First, let me say that anyone who is thinking about committing suicide isn't thinking right. I thought that I had screwed up so badly and had become such an embarassment, that my friends and family would be better off without me. In that respect, I thought I was sacrificing myself to save them that embarrasment. On a more "selfish" note, my emotional pain had become so bad that I really couldn't see any other way to make it stop. I couldn't bring myself to follow through on my plan and I'm still here, many years later, and much happier with life.

I would say "I think that is a simplistic, insensitive, and reckless characterization of suicide. Suicide is more about an excess of suffering and mental illness than a deficit of bravery or endurance."

the pain that others are in, and choose to judge them instead."

I used to believe that statement like gospel truth. Then there came a time I had more than I could bear and knew it was just a saying thrown out there to try and make people feel better. Not a statement of some kind of absolute truth. I'm also glad my suicide attempt at that time wasn't successful. The thought of how close I came to death is a scary thought today.

I saw this the other day.... "What doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally." This seems to be a more accurate platitude.

Thanks everyone. Your responses are fantastic. I am sorry for all those of you that have suffered with depression or other difficulties.

The further away I have gotten from TSCC, the more compassion I feel for other people.

1) "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" is supposedly conditional upon doing one's best to live righteously. For those who disregard CTR'ing, they're on their own. That's according to what I was taught in tscc according to all their made-up, improvised doctrine.

2) Following through with a "successful" suicide actually takes a lot more nerve & determination than NOT following through. Therefore the ones who want with all their heart & souls to commit suicide but can't bring themselves to do it are one part hanging onto life, one part cowardly.

3) People who want to die are truly suffering inside for one reason or another. The cowardly thing about wanting to die is that they want to run away from their problems rather than work through them. We cannot know their pain. We cannot judge their wishes or actions. We can seek to help.

Years ago my sister-in-law's best friend's husband shot himself in the head on Christmas Day with their two sons in the house.

They were unwrapping presents when they heard the shot.

The mother died a year or two later of cancer. The boys never got over it.

Having watched my father-in-law and dear friends die a painful or lingering death, I don't buy all the biblical bull$hit about assisted suicide. If I am suffering a terminal illness that will result in me suffering unbearable pain, controlled only by pain medication which renders me comatose...I say fuck it!....let me say goodbye to those I love and slip into the dirtnap on my own terms.

Ron Burr

I would say in response that people who are sick enough to think seriously about suicide need our help, not our judgment.

I think it is a thing people say about things they hate and don't understand. They devalue, what they see as the bad actor by calling them a coward. They are bereaved and angry. It is kind of lashing out. I also see it when a disturbed person shoots up a school, or other terrorist acts are performed (for example 9/11). People will say that the shooter is a coward or the terrorists are cowards. In fact you can say a lot of things about bad actors. But cowardice is not very relevant.

Having been suicidal myself, and luckily had intervention and treatment, I discuss this topic with my husband at times.
I tell him that when you are suicidal you think that your death will benefit those around you. They will be happy that you have done this for them. I now know that this is not the case, and there would be a range of emotions felt and none of them good.
Having been in that position you feel cowardly not doing it.
It is a terrible thing to be in that position. And I am certainly not diminishing this when I say that I felt (once I was on the way to recovery) that those around me suffered more since they did not know exactly how I felt at any given time, where as I did.

I hope this helps from a different point of view.

I say that while suicide is always a selfish act, sometimes people are at a place in life where a completely selfish act is what is best for them. It's tragic, but not something that people should judge. A truly empathetic person will be saddened by suicide, not driven to judgment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/06/2014 02:23AM by joesmithsleftteste.

When someone says, "God will never give you more than you can handle," I respond with, "I don't agree. Why else would god have invented suicide?"

I have a friend in the final stages of cancer right now. It is NOT my place to say if she should end her own life or go on bravely as she has been doing now for over 2 years. BUT I also feel I must support her whatever SHE decides. Any people who judge others on such an issue are really struggling themselves, and while I am the first to understand, it comes across as VERY harsh. I understand the anger when others are left etc and all the other issues, but I feel that surely this is a time for the best to come out in us, and for people to simply love the person. Unbearably difficult though it may be, that is to me, the only way, to simply care.

When you come to the point where you hate and despise yourself and you think that everyone else feels the same way about you, and you think that there is no way forward and that death is the only answer, the instinctive will to live remains very strong and creates resistance to your suicidal feelings.

Only the bravest can break through that barrier and commit the final horrible act.

The best response is to turn and walk away.