Leaving Mormonism is scary because you no longer know what marriage is. In Mormonism, marriage is the highest aspiration of man. You can't get to the highest heaven without it. Every person must get married and stay married to please God. You cannot be truly happy if you never marry. Sex is evil unless it is with marriage.

When you leave Mormonism, you are faced with the question, "What REALLY is marriage?" This is a serious question, especially if you don't have any other religious beliefs.

If you don't believe that marriage is "required by God" or is "the only way to true happiness", then you have to wonder whether to get married at all.

Marriage is a very bad idea. Love doesn't last. After a while, marriage is hell.

I have pondered the same question. What is marriage outside of religion?

The answer I have come up with is that it is a lifelong commitment to the well-being of another person, a conscious choice to live within a socially acceptable permanent partnership even when the thrills and good times have worn off. Some say that this level of commitment produces greater, truer intimacy, though I am not sure if that is true or not. There is something intimate and gratifying about another human being wanting to commit to love you for the rest of their days.

However, it is not a requirement, it is hard work at times and it often doesn't work out well. Once married it is more difficult to disentangle from each others' lives should you decide to end the relationship.

Should anything ever happen to my spouse I have no intention of ever marrying again. I love my husband very much but sometimes in our 15 years of marriage, had we just been living together and no children were involved, I would have been happy to walk away as friends and move on to other people.

What's not a requirement?

My hubby and I were friends, lovers, and live-in partners four years before we married. We have been married now for 21 years this month. I can't imagine what life would be like without him. Plus when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, he was there through it all. I have known other spouses who left partners that were as ill as I was.

We are friends, we are laugh buddies, and we support each other. I feel very fortunate that I found this man and that we are growing old together. No children are involved in our lives either (he had children from a previous marriage).

I think you have to be with the right person... and that the Mormon idea of marriage (just marry a faithful person) is wrong and damages families and marriages.

We were married by a JP and religion has not been a part of our marriage-- thankfully.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2014 01:16AM by cynthus.

My DH and I had both been married before, and we were all too aware of how to get it WRONG.

We dated for more than a year and were very wary of making that commitment. But having made it, we are an incredible team. As he describes it, depending on the situation, one of us tends to step forward to take the lead, and the other one drops back to "fly wing," or be in a support position. We seldom even discuss this - it just happens due to our varying strengths and weaknesses.

We genuinely enjoy each other's company, and yet there is enough room for us to enjoy individual pursuits.

It's been 22+ years now. I had no idea that marriage could be such a wonderful partnership.

There's something I don't understand, so maybe you can help me. If people in long-term relationships are afraid of that commitment, then why do people put their bf/gf ahead of their other friends and sometimes family? As though friends are just people to hang out with sometimes with no strong connection or responsibility?

Whoops, meant this to reply to Catnip.

u can share govt and job benefits with spouse ... its all about money. otherwise not worth it at all

Don't do it. Marriage is the biggest scam there is. Mine walked away with the nice car, great stuff, tens of thousands of my dollars, and an ongoing stream of ungodly amounts of alimony. And the best part? She owes me NOTHING in return.

All because some 22 year old kid I don't even identify with anymore got duped by a stupid church.

Don't get conned. The way this country works, marriage is too risky a liability. It is in your best interest to stay as far away from that trap as you can. (Especially if you are a man -- some may hate to hear this, but the court system is still jilted toward the woman.)

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. OH and I are both atheists so no religion in our lives at all but we've been very happily married for over 40 years.

I'm not sure if marriage is a lottery and we just struck lucky because many of the friends we've made over the years have separated from their partners.

Marriage is a gamble with some losing everything and some winning the lottery. You do have some control over which direction yours may head, but not completely. A lot of it depends upon who you are when you get married, and who you become as you grow into your marriage. Devotion, fidelity, and forgiveness strike me as key ingredients for longevity and happiness.

I won the lottery with Short Woman, Long Hair, and we're 25 years along in our marriage. A good marriage is wonderful. If you'd have told the 20 year old me that a day would come when I'd actually feel deep contentment and joy by sitting on a sofa watching reruns of Alfred Hitchcock Presents with a woman, I'd have thought you were nuts.

But it's one of my favorite things in life.

I've thought the same thing about having kids. My whole life I was taught and prepared to have multiple kids. You're supposed to have as many kids as "The Lord" wants you to in order to get those spirit children into some bodies. I have one child right now and I had a career prior to having him. I'm honestly thinking that one child is the right amount for our family. I miss working and I've realized that I really DON'T want many kids. If I was still Mormon, I'd probably have 3-4 out of duty.

About the marriage. Yes, it's hard. Sometimes it can be REALLY hard. But, it can also be amazing. My husband and I were together for two years before we got married, so I'd say we knew each other pretty well. I think if you meet someone that you feel you can't live without, then you may feel the desire to get married. That's what happened to me.

I think relationships and marriage are different things.

A committed, loving relationship brings the benefits of companionship, intimacy, entertainment, division of labor, parenthood, and more.

Marriage is a legal/social contract that brings tax and inheritance benefits, and access to a partner in the hospital, among other things.

^^^^
I agree 100%.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

also:

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

I really had no idea what marriage meant when I married at 20, other than it was what virginal young women raised in the LDS church did. My parents' marriage had not been particularly happy and dh's parents' marriage was even worse.

The surprise for everyone in the ward was I married a non-member. That was not expected of such a Molly as I had been. But, all the wardmembers reasoned he would soon see the light. As one guest told me confidentially, "Your wedding was very nice -- but just wait until you get married for eternity in the Temple."

Well, 35 years later, I have resigned from TSCC and want nothing to do with it now or ever again.

So, what really is marriage? Well, it can certainly be a bad situation for people, no question about it. But, it can also be a source of unconditional love, comfort and security. And, that's what it has been for me and for dh. I know that, even though there is no other constant on this planet, his love, concern and caring are constant. We have supported each other's physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development for 35 years. When I was faced with a very serious (life-threatening) illness, dh was with me every step of the way. (This despite his devastation and the fact that I'm aware he cried over my diagnosis for two weeks -- though never in front of me.) He spent days and nights in the hospital and supported me fully and unconditionally through the most difficult experience in our marriage to date.

My experience with marriage (which has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with loving a person totally and unconditionally) is the reason I (and dh) are totally in favor of gay marriage. We could never deny other couples the love and comfort we have had in our marriage. (And we cannot imagine how another couple's happiness in marriage could damage ours!)

I don't know. I only know the answer to "What is love?"



Baby don't hurt me, no more.

Ok, just spit out a mouthful of martini.

Here's your answer: http://stlove.ytmnd.com/

As for marriage, like so much in life it comes down to a combination of luck and persistence and all bets are off if one partner lacks a generous sense of humor (IMHO).

Marriage is a sexual contract in which the man and the woman agree to exclusive relations. The benifit is skewed toward the woman as she has the most to gain from this arrangment. Divorce favors the woman with regard to financial gain or retention... child custady... financial support and government support. Most marriages that end in divorce are initiated by the woman. Advice? Dont get married. Period. End of story. The risk is way too high.