I am in considerable emotional pain right now and just wanted to write a few lines, it may help ease the hurt I feel. I left the church a few years ago and have since been subjected to a barrage of emotional abuse from my dear and "loving" family. They have managed to marginilize me, they have told themselves that I am either mentally sick or guilty of hidden sin and they tell me this to my face. While I don't conform to their expectations they will continue to shun me and do things to hurt me but I am what I am and I won't be returning to their fantasy land again. I see them or hear of them getting together and I wish I could be part of their life. I love them very much and this is the source of my pain, it hurts so much to be rejected and sidelined by the people I love the most in this world.

I feel very alone and don't know what to do to fix this, I am also in deep depression, my life is almost paralyzed with pain. I wish I could find some release or solution but it just keeps on hurting and I can't cope much anymore, I have sought counselling but it doesn't seem to help. What can replace the relationship of those I love? Do I have to deaden the love I have for them to stop the pain? I think about disappearing from their lives at times, perhaps I am being selfish by staying on the scene, perhaps they would be happier if I removed myself completely? But again I do love them so much, what do I do? Am I a fool for putting up with this?

There's no easy answer. I have to try to hang on, my family is a commitment of love. Where I live it's almost four in the morning and I have been up, unable to sleep since 1am and this goes on almost every night.

I am not sorry I left Mormonism, it's a cult. I hate what it has done to us.

They're being toxic and mean to you and you deserve better.

It's like a bully on the playground. When he sees that pinching and taunting bring tears, he does more and more of it. If the victim struts off and makes new friends and doesn't hang out around the bully, he moves on.

Your family must think they'll torment you so badly that you'll relent and be Mormon again to win them back.

Don't give in to their mean manipulation.

You might feel that you can't survive without their love, but you can. You were smart and brave to leave Mormonism and you can live through this crisis.

You'll have to try something that might work for you and what's going on now isn't it.

Don't tolerate poor or abusive treatment. If this means that you have to take a long break from your family, then that would be the best thing to do. Your mental health and emotional welfare come first.

The *minute* someone says or acts in an inappropriate manner, hang up the phone or walk away. That person has done nothing to merit your company.

You might want to consider moving to a pleasant, non-Mormony place to get a fresh start. Sometimes putting distance between yourself and toxic family members is just the thing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2014 12:05PM by summer.

I know what you mean, it's extremely painful. I'm sorry your having such a hard time.

If you have your counselor's cell number, call him or her immediately. Don't hesitate because it's Sunday. He or she knows interuptions come with the profession.

Do you have nonmormon friends? If so, spend some time with them. You're feeling isolated, do anything you can to be less solitary. If you don't have friends outside of tscc, go to a mall. If the weather allows, take a walk in a busy park or entertainment district. Interact with sales people, but get out of your house or apartment and get some human interaction. This won't come close to replacing your family but talking to people in rl should help assuage some of the despair you're feeling.

Try building some close friendships. Friends sometimes become the family you choose. When you're in a better frame of mind, look at the dynamics of your relationships with your individual family members. You might find a bridge or two.

I'm assuming you're talking about your parents and siblings. Mine reacted in the same way yours are. You followed your conscience, and nothing you did by leaving the church is wrong. I agree with Cheryl, your family is manipulating you to return.

I hear and relate to your despair, and I so agree that you could benefit right now by getting in touch with your counselor. I commend your seeking help with a counselor. It can help tremendously to share what is hurting you with another person who is not among your immediate family members or friends. Plus, a trained professional has much to bring to the table. Remember though, that if you feel you are not connecting with him or her that you can shop around. People do this all the time.

Do take a walk, say hi to someone, and look up into the sky. Know that, though things seem very bleak right now, circumstances can and do change.

We care. Hang in there.

Go to your local Starbucks. Sit there with a newspaper, book, or laptop or tablet and watch the people while being pleasant. When you get up to get something more to drink, smile and chat with the person who waits on you. Just be you being you.

That is not bad advice! :)

This is wonderful advice. I suffer from depression and sometimes it helps just to get out of the house, sitting in a cafe is great. Often there are others their going through the same thing and the change of scenery can be totally uplifting.

Sometimes you have to make your own family. I have retained the few blood family members who expect me for who I am, and have pruned out the vast majority who judged me. I have added others to my family. Blood means nothing. It is how you treat each other.

This ^^^

When we grow up and our family doesn't treat us right, we get to pick a new family.

Cut them out of your heart if the pain is so bad and concentrate on doing things that will make you happy.