I frequently have dinner with a group of extremely entitled, self serving, judgemental TBMs. (Deep in the morrider...no not utah valley. Just further north.) I am astounded every time we meet that the snide, backstabbing, b!tch chirp increases..double fold. I go with a sister in-law I care deeply for, but I can see she is falling in line with their shallow character. It only makes sense that their inner-self is so scared and they have not yet discovered their true person. Just the immitation they were force fed by the cult. The number of TBM females that fall under this description is huge in Utah. One mentioned the prettiest women in the nation are Utahns..i see nothing pretty, just fake boobs, hair, nails and most of all..fake souls. Just an observation..but as real as the sun shines..

I had fairly good self esteem until we moved to Utah, it has suffered a lot since we have been here. Funny I cant figure out if its because everyone is so perfect looking, or if its the snide remarks I get when I do associate with the other Ladies> Good thing I have a sweet husband who tells me he would rather have a real looking wife who is pretty then the fake wife that looks like everyone else. This board helps me understand why they can be so catty and mean, so I feel bad for most of them, because they really can not be themselves.

Don't put yourself down for their shortcomings. I am from the deep LDS breed and their image is all that defines them as an actual person. Its all about the physical perpective that is portrayed. No real ambitions, just a check list of body image/some superficial works that help no 0ne..even themselves. Please don't lower your self-worth and compare yourself to this type of icy, self-loathing, shameful breed of women.

Yes, I agree with what you say. The women are held to an impossible standard of perfection by their church. They are encouraged to marry young and are so taught youth is worshiped. That's why they are frantic to dress like a teenager, invest in fake boobs, act like mean teen girls. They aren't given the time or encouragement to get an education or a career so they have no way to get fulfillment from their achievements so everything is dependent on their looks, their place in Mormon society, positive feedback from the church and how well their kids perform. How well they conform. They have to keep their husband's attention because everything depends on it and they have nothing to fall back on but that 19 year old self that caught him. They can't even take care of themselves - or don't want to.

Authenticity is not valued. Being relaxed, natural, laid back - none of that. One of my husband's friends grew up in a small town in Utah and thinks I'm a tomboy because I like football and don't dress like a Morridor Molly. I'm comfortable in jeans and a turtleneck and my husband constantly tells me he's glad I'm not one of those high maintenance Mormon women some Mormon guys favor. Or one of those frumpy, ultra-religious, sack wearing women either. Meanwhile, DH's friend's wife dresses, wears her hair and makeup like a drag queen AND asks people to call her "Bubbles." Now I'll admit, as Mormon women go she's a bit extreme with the gushing personality and overdone looks but she's what happens when that sort of Mormon woman gets out of control.

How COULD you be genuinely happy with yourself or for anyone else if all the emphasis is on NOT being yourself but doing as you are told? Of COURSE they are snarky. But wouldn't they be even more horrified if they realized that few people care about their opinion - most are grateful beyond belief that they don't HAVE to adopt the persona they are so proud to wear and so desperate to maintain?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/05/2014 02:07AM by CA girl.

When i converted to a different religion i took shit from my family with the exception of my (maybe) lesbian sister that lives in Seattle and my mother. For a year then i was baptized (eastern orthodoxy takes a while to convert to) and 1 year later they still bicker say side comments that are offensive but i have never argued back. i would honestly tell them what you just said on here. put them in their place

It's the ugly side of oneself that amplifies their own inadequacy..i am certainly not perfect at all, but i generally don't try to feed my ego by attacking someone different from myself..thanks for your comments and it brings hope i am not the only one thinking "zion" is nothing to be proud of...

When I lived in Atlanta GA, we were doing pretty good. Husband had a good job, and money was not a problem. We weren't loaded, but comfortable enough..

We however belonged to a 'poor' ward. So we were looked upon as 'the rich people'.

And boy did they let us know!
The amount of snarky, jealous comments were horrible!

There was a baby shower for a woman I liked a LOT. She had tried so long to get pregnant so I was elated when it finally happened for her. I bought her the cutest little outfit I could find from a bit of a pricey baby shop. I can't remember it's name now, it's been too many years. But it was a brand name shop. I just liked the clothes! And I wanted to give her something special, I wasn't trying to show off or anything. I just went shopping and bought here a cute little outfit for her soon to be born little boy.

So as she unwrapped it at the shower she was delighted. She loved it and said so. Two other women glared at me and one of them said: "well, not all of us can afford to shop at ..(name of store).."


I had struggled with my weight, and got fed up enough at one point to do something serious. I signed up for Jenny Craig and it worked a treat. I lost quite a bit of weight and looked great. When the issue came up once during a ward activity I told them how I had lost it, and the snarky remark came straight away: "Well, Not everybody can afford to go to Jenny C.."

Another baby shower in the making. And a list was made of items the mom-to-be still needed. I was given the 'order' to get a diaper genie. (the most expensive item on the list ofcourse!) Oh and could I please bring a fresh fruit salad for 20...

and ofcourse I did. Because I didn't have the guts to speak up. My husband was pretty mad that I had spent near 100 bucks on a present and a fruit salad for a baby shower for someone we didn't even really like..

It has been quite a few years but I will never forget how they made me feel.

...

I was a "yes"person growing up. Its hard to say no if someone could use your help. Once you realize you have been used by deceit and careful use of verbage..i was pretty strong in my use of the phrase.. no! but have a nice afternoon!.. (while flipping them the bird or to my phone, if they called).. :-)

This is what I've seen that is so deeply unfair about Mormonism. After pushing people to be rich, successful, talented, "perfect" they then feel the need to "take people down a peg" because they aren't humble. Despite being fairly average in looks and money, I always felt part of the "in click" in Mormonism - the Mormon "beautiful people" in any ward I was in just because I had the ability to be honestly delighted for my friends when they got a trip to Europe or bought a new Mercedes or got a cute outfit at a high end store. Everyone else in the ward was trying to cut them down a peg so they didn't get to full of themselves even when they were living closer to what Mormonism expected than anyone else in the ward. It seemed so unfair the church demanded perfection and then people were nasty to those who were better at getting close to that ideal than others. So I think my ability to be honestly happy for their success ensured my friendship with them because everyone else was so catty. I was like you - truly wanting to rejoice in their happiness. So sad when people are too bitter to do so because they can't accept their own imperfections. I was always OK with not being a perfect Molly and I'd joke about the dumb mistakes I made. I had so many of my friends who were killing themselves to be the perfect Molly who said they liked to hang out with me because they could relax and I taught them to be more self-accepting. I'm glad I could do that because it's sure a lot less work to be OK with your imperfections than to kill yourself to be perfect - at least that's what those sort of friends taught me.

Trying to bring someone down a notch is so judgmental and malicious! The worst thing to do in that situation is pithy the person and laugh to yourself.

I got this a lot in morridor too. People would make snide comments about my healthier, nicer meal or some other stupid thing. I was always thinking, well we made different life decisions! You chose to get married young and start raising kids without a dual income or education. That takes money. I didn't, and I have money for myself. Of course, if you say that they take it as a personal attack. "Well I love my family and would never trade them!" Good. I should hope so. And I'm glad you are happy with your decisions. Now leave me alone!

Becca I am so sorry that you were treated that way.

thank you.

It's "Heathers" Syndrome. Or Mean Girls, but I prefer Heathers.

"Heather, why are you such a BITCH?"

:: smirk :: "Because I can be."

Not in morridor but I even see it here. When I was TBM I was always left out of the social stuff. I'm not one to really care about my appearance. I am clean but I have sensitive skin and hate make-up, I dress for comfort and would rather spend money on my kids than on any superficial crap. My husband loves me, my kids love me and quite frankly I love myself. I never felt love or acceptance from the ward family, they are a bunch of superficial bitches, screw them.

Everything in the morg is about how one appears. Looking thing/young/hot/boobjob, having the right car, the right house.. living in the right house..

My (then)husband was pretty pissed off after we had bought our house in Atlanta that it turned out we were on the wrong side of the street to be in the 'rich' ward... and ended up in the poor ward instead.

And it all makes sense really, if you believe that being rightous and a good mormon will give you many blessings, then looking good to the outside world shows them what a good mormon you are being.

And being bitchy about it comes with the territory I suppose.. because if I am more blessed than you are, then I must be a better person therefore I am allowed to be a bigger bitch..

or something like that?

And the bitchy 'poor' women in my ward there were probably just very insecure by what looked like our 'wealth'. The didn't stop to think that I was dreadfully unhappy in that golden cage.